Ex boyfriend used me and is now in a relationship

[brokenheart123]

So last February, I broke up with my boyfriend because I felt like we were no longer attracted to each other and that we were forcing ourselves to be in a relationship. I also felt that he was not as ambitious as I was and that he had no motivation or drive. I wanted to see what else was out there so I broke up with him, but asked if we could remain friends. Since he did not want to break up with me he agreed to be friends. A year went by and although the title was gone, we continued to hook up with each other and hang out like everything was fine. He did start to party a lot more, but I just thought it wasn't my place to say anything. So we "broke up" in February 2016, and then in Jan 2017 I find out that he has been seeing another girl while he was still hooking up with me. When I confronted him about it, he would not tell me anything and just told me that he didn't owe me anything. Then when the other girl found out about me, he decided to end all contact with me and be with the other girl.

 

We had been together for 5 years and I really miss him. Its been a month since complete NC and I think he is still with her. I want to know if he is going to regret his decision and come back. This other girl is the complete opposite of me and is totally a party animal like him, so is he going to get sick of her and miss me? I keep hearing that they always come crying back, but it has been a month and I haven't heard anything from him. I really miss him and I want him to regret his decision and come back. Is there any hope?

[jujusamples]

This is a classic case of wanting what you can't have!

 

You have to realize, you were the one that broke up with him. Friendships NEVER work right after a breakup. It takes years down the road to get over the relationship, than maybe, maybe you could become friends.

 

The thing is, you broke up with him, you initiated being friends, you agreed to the friends with benefits. He is actually right, he owes you nothing. You made all those choices on your own.

 

My advice is to stick to no contact and get over the relationship. You are over-analyzing what isn't! Focus on what is. The reality is, it's very clear, he moved on. He's now in another relationship. Stop yourself from thinking of false hope. Move forward, I understand it's hard, but analyzing what he's thinking or what if or if he's going to come back is not healthy.

[ThatwasThen]

I want to know if he is going to regret his decision and come back.

No, he won't.

 

You broke up with him and he's found someone that is more compatible. You chose to continue to have sex with him while he searched for someone more compatible and now you regret both your decisions. You broke up with him because he wasn't making you happy so why would you even consider getting back with someone that doesn't make you happy generally? Go zero contact and do the mental work you need to do to get over your addiction to him.

You need to be free of him in heart and mind in order to find someone that WILL be more compatible with you.

[itsallgrand]

He didn't use you. If anybody tried to use anyone here, it was you using him as a quasi boyfriend while you saw what else you could find. Did you really expect him to hang around like a puppy waiting for you to decide to want him ?

 

He owes you nothing and you lost ground by sleeping with him after breaking up with him. The chances of him looking upon you as girlfriend material for a round two went right down the drain. On top of that, the reasons for breaking up remain unchanged and he's seeing someone new. It's way past time to let the guy go.

[JaggerJim]

I don't think he'll come back. You wanted to find something better, but he bet you too it.

[j.man]

Yup. No one was used. He found someone better suited for him. It's best you do the same, albeit after some time single so you can be sure you're not dwelling on him.

[lostlove76]

I don't understand why you're claiming to have been used. You're the one who broke up with him, you didn't like his lack of ambition, and you wanted to see what else was out there. You wanted to look for greener grass, but you didn't find any. He, however, did find it, which is well within his rights since you yourself didn't want him. Why would he come crying back when it was your decision to end the relationship?

[brokenheart123]

But how do you move on from someone when you are still maintaining contact with that person? I had also told him that I was falling for him again, but he still didn't tell me that he was seeing someone else. Like did he not respect me enough to just tell me that he was seeing someone else so I could have left the picture? I mean he kept hooking up with me till the very end, until the other girl found out. I just feel so disrespected.

[boltnrun]

But how do you move on from someone when you are still maintaining contact with that person? I had also told him that I was falling for him again, but he still didn't tell me that he was seeing someone else. Like did he not respect me enough to just tell me that he was seeing someone else so I could have left the picture? I mean he kept hooking up with me till the very end, until the other girl found out. I just feel so disrespected.

 

Um, stop "maintaining contact"?

 

My guess is he felt "so disrespected" when you dumped him to find someone better but continued to use him for sex and companionship.

[brokenheart123]

I meant to say how was it so easy for him to move on with his life and find someone else while he was still in contact with me?

[boltnrun]

I meant to say how was it so easy for him to move on with his life and find someone else while he was still in contact with me?

 

Because you broke up with him to find someone better!

[JaggerJim]

Maybe he wasn't sure which one of you to choose, so he was seeing which one was the better option. Maybe he was just doing it for revenge sex, and maybe he was just overall scared you'd dump him again.

[brokenheart123]

So is there no hope for me to get him back? I really do love him and miss him... I guess is there any point to still hold hope that he'll come back?

[brokenheart123]

I do agree with you. I think that when it all came in the open he chose the other girl cause he was scared that I would hurt him again.

[lostlove76]

If you love him, why did you drop him to see what else is out there? These actions have consequences! The consequence is that he realized he deserved better than that.

[lostlove76]

But I guess to be fair, he's no saint either, given that he was keeping his hooking up with you a secret from the new girl. She didn't deserve that. People need to treat others better.

[boltnrun]

So is there no hope for me to get him back? I really do love him and miss him... I guess is there any point to still hold hope that he'll come back?

 

Why the heck did you break up with him then????

 

Did you think he was just so gosh darned crazy about you that he'd stick around no matter what you did to him??

[brokenheart123]

I told him what our problems were in our relationship and I wanted him to work on them with me. I thought we were doing better so I had told him that I was falling for him again and that I liked how things were going, but I guess he just had his own agenda.

[JaggerJim]

But I guess to be fair, he's no saint either, given that he was keeping his hooking up with you a secret from the new girl. She didn't deserve that. People need to treat others better.

 

I agree. He was sneaky, and for that, maybe it's best you didn't take him back.

[brokenheart123]

I know, we both made mistakes but I just want a chance to just talk to him and tell him what I am feeling. At the end he completely undermined everything I did and he really hurt me... After 5 years I thought we were better than this.

[itsallgrand]

The time to work through things is when you are together, not after you break up and are hooking up.

 

It seems you've been holding off on processing the break up as real. It's time to process it. Part of that is letting go.

[brokenheart123]

So their is no hope for me and him reconciling our relationship then?

[itsallgrand]

He's with someone else. I don't know about you, but for me that's a no go. Gotta respect his decision.

[brokenheart123]

Your right... Thank you for your response.I messed up and now I have to live with the decisions I made...

[JaggerJim]

You never know what can happen down the track. But don't live in hope or hold yourself available for him. He's moved on and you should start to do the same. At this point, he lied to you and for that you need to step away and reflect on that. So you dumped him back then, it wasn't the same as what he's done to you.

 

keep an open mind, but don't hold out for him. He's made his decision, so everybody at this stage has to live with it.