Not sure if I should start NC

[Noctiluca]

This is going to probably be a pretty long post, but hopefully I'll be able to get the context across.

 

In mid-late November last year I started dating my boyfriend, our relationship moved extremely fast and after 2 weeks he called it off. 3 days later he tried to booty call me and I told him that I didn't want to see him, and that seemed to upset him, but he was the one who ended it. Anyway, I was hurt, but it was such a short-lived thing that I employed NC just for my own benefit so I'd move on. I blocked him on everything to stop myself from obsessing. A week later, I went to a party he was at and we ended up kissing before I ran off and cried to my friend about it (very drunk). After that, I decided to start talking to him again, it was clear he wasn't over me and I certainly wasn't over him, and after a few days or so of talking we decided to give it another try.

 

This time around it lasted two months, but was characterised by him ignoring me, prioritising his friends over me, and me constantly being upset with him over random little things. He then called it off again, saying he wasn't good enough for me and couldn't be what I wanted, and that all he did was make me upset. He did this at 3am while I was drunk, after I had gotten angry/upset with him for ignoring my texts when actually his phone had died. I then went kind of nuts and messaged two of his friends and kinda blew the whole thing up, I really had 0 hopes of getting back together after that, because some really harsh words were shared between us. Again, I started NC just for my own benefit (not with the goal of getting back together) and blocked him on everything again.

 

A month later, I was overseas on a trip when he liked a photo I posted on instagram, I hadn't thought to block him there because I had already unfollowed him, so it just copletely skipped my mind. Due to the time difference he happened to like the photo while I was at a bar and quite drunk, and so I immediately messaged him telling him to off. He then proceeded to tell me he made a mistake and he missed me and he was sorry for how he treated me and he truly wanted to change. I was extremely skeptical, but after 2 weeks of talking to him I decided to give it another go and we met for dinner. We ended up getting back together and it genuinely was so much better, he never ignored my texts, he made time to see me every week, and he overall was putting in a lot more effort.

 

Fast forward to this week (about a month in) and suddenly I started letting my insecurities get the better of me, and started getting unreasonably upset at him for things that didn't matter, I even accused him of using me and told him he said he wouldn't "do this" to me again, even though he really hadn't done anything wrong. I was basically treating our relationship like we'd been together the whole time, rather than treating it like a new relationship which is what it is.

We almost saw each other Wednesday night, but after how I had acted earlier in the week, he cancelled plans and said he needed time to think. Since giving him space has worked every other time we've broken up or things have gotten rocky, I decided to not speak to him until he contacted me. 2 days passed and on Friday I posted a status on Facebook that implied I thought he treated me like , I deleted the status almost straight away, realising that if he saw it I would have sabotaged myself, but unfortunately he saw it anyway. He messaged me that night saying he didn't see us working because he "can't change" (even though he has changed) and only ever upsets me (sound familiar?) and that my status made it clear it wasn't going to work (ugh). He also said he cared greatly about me and thinks the time we spend together is incredible and clicks. I asked if he truly didn't want to be with me, and he said he does but that it won't work. I managed to convince him not to break up with me that night, and asked to see him next week when he has time in person to talk, because I do think if we can talk in person we will be okay. He asked for the weekend to think about it, and I said not to worry this weekend and that we'll find time next week to chat in person, and he never replied.

 

Since then (2 days) he's sent me some snapchats from work and I've replied extremely casually with very short messages only related to those snapchats. Last night I texted him while drunk (but I didn't say anything needy, I just commented on something he sent me) and then apologised saying I shouldn't have messaged him. He said it was okay, and then sent me a goodnight text.

 

My question is, should I go full NC, or are these casual conversations okay? We technically haven't broken up, but I'm inclined to cut contact with him anyway until he contacts me proprely (rather than just snapchats) so that he starts missing me, and can forgive/forget about how I acted earlier this week.

 

Sorry for such a long post!

[Wiseman2]

Sorry after reading this entire thing all I can recommend is deleting him and blocking him from everything. It's too chaotic and mostly games and hookups. Also you need to scale back on the drinking and pull yourself together.