Cameron T Posted April 1, 2017 Share Posted April 1, 2017 Just a few days ago my boyfriend of a year plus confessed to me that he has sorted out escort services. He has broken up with me before with the excuse of "needing some time to figure himself out", but now I know that the real reason was because he couldn't find the words to confess to me about what he did. We eventually got back together a couple of months later with me still not knowing the real reason. In other words, he paid for sex, and he has done that multiple times (about 8-10 times altogether, before and after we got back together, he confessed) while he was still with me. I'm one of those girls who believe in saving myself for marriage, and he knew and respected that, so maybe that has urged him even more to do what he did. He said he lacks self control and has a high chance of being addicted to porn and masturbation, which eventually has lead him to get more curious and did what he did. He confessed this to me after figuring out that I meant a lot to him and he wanted a future with me. He said that if he were to propose one day, and if I were to say yes, I would be saying yes to all of him, including his mistakes. He said that I was the reason he wanted this to stop. The way he put it, he made it sound like this was some kind of a disease that he had lack of control over. I told him to get help and fix himself. He made it very clear that he was very ashamed of what he did, every time he did it, and that he loves me very much and has never cheated on me emotionally. I told him I needed time and that leads us to where we are now, with me not replying his messages (I have honestly said everything I needed to say anyway) and me deactivating my social media platforms because I know he likes to stalk my profile once in a while. I felt the need to make this space and distance REAL while I sort out my thoughts. It would've been so much easier to forgive him if it was a one-time slip up. But 8-10 times isn't a slip up. It's a pattern, and I'm afraid he's going to do it again if he doesn't get better. And what makes it worse is that he has done it (out of relapse, he said) again after we got back together. Forgiving him for what he did is another thing. Forgetting though, is impossible. What scares me the most is that I don't know how to build or restore a relationship with him if all trust that I had in him is now gone. Sure, he loves me, and I love him. But is that ever enough? Would I be compromising my self value if I accept him back? A part of me feels like I can't do this anymore and I should just end it for good, but another part of me feels like I wouldn't be able to find someone I can connect with and love deeply like I do with him. Do you think what he did was totally unacceptable and would it be unwise for me to even consider getting back into a relationship with him? Link to comment
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