moving out

[sarah101101]

My fiance feels he needs own space. Moving to his mum's. Wants to stay together and so do I. He now wants to move everything out of house. He feels to stressed being here with my kids from previous marriage. We always argue about them.I'm confused. Why move everything out if staying together. Keep some stuff here surely? Need to have hope things will only be temporary this feels wrong.

[jujusamples]

No one is going to know the answer to your questions except for your fiance. Have you tried talking to him? He told you he wants to be together, maybe he just needs space. Have you tried asking him how long does he need space for? I do agree with you, if it's temporary, he doesn't need to move everything out of the house. You really have to talk to him and ask him to clarify.

[sarah101101]

Thank you. I know. I'm going to try and talk to him today. I think we need to put some sort of time on things ie couple months we go back to him staying over couple days etc. At least then I know where I stand. So confused at moment. I've also got to tell him that it's not all about him either. He needs to consider my feelings and emotions too

[SherrySher]

Moving back out is a step back and although some would say it's to have their own space and try and make things work down the line, others might say it's a way out and he's being nice but still slowly peeling off the bandaid (instead of tearing it off on one go)... but he still wants out.

He might be confused right now as well and isn't quite sure what he wants, but one thing for sure, he is moving in the direction that is further from you so it is a reason to be concerned.

It sounds as though he wants you, but not the kids. Seeing as the kids aren't going anywhere obviously, this is going to be a major factor and could well end this relationship.

[BeenThereB4]

This is why couples shouldn't live together before marriage. It tends to destroy the relationship. Google the statistics. Co-habitation involves all of the unpleasant, difficult parts of marriage with none of the benefits. Most couples who live together do not go on to get married.

 

An acceptable exception is moving in together for a short time when a date for the wedding has already been set. Commitment causes most people to work a lot harder on their relationships. When you merely live with someone, you can pack up and leave whenever you want to, which is exactly what your fiancé did.

 

Your fiancé is moving everything out of your house because he is moving out. Think about that. Your fiancé is moving out. Is this the action of a man who really wants to stay in a relationship with you? It's so much easier to set the breakup wheel in motion and say that you're not really breaking up, you still want to stay etc., than it is to make an immediate, clean break. It's likely that once he's in his mom's home, getting good advice from her, he'll be able to dump you clear and free without having to deal with too much drama.

 

Now, you said you guys always argue about your kids. This probably hurts your kids' feelings a lot. Why, on Earth, would you want to continue a relationship that causes harm to your children? My mother dated a man who didn't like me for eight years. I felt extremely betrayed and unappreciated. I can only imagine how awful it would have been if I had had to live with that slimeball too. It took many adult years to repair my relationship with my mom. Is this what you want for your children? Your children have to come first. Always. What are these arguments about specifically?

 

In the future, don't move a man in with your kids, unless you are married to him. Would you be happy with your kids shacking up and settling for less than they deserve? This is what you are currently teaching them. Also, if a guy doesn't like your kids or how you raise them, he is not the man for you! Consider yourself lucky that your fiancé has moved out. Your home is going to become a peaceful haven for your family. It will be a much more pleasant atmosphere without all of those arguments.

[SherrySher]

I totally agree with BeenThere....your kids come first. I have so many friends who got messed up and emotionally scarred from their parent choosing the boyfriend or girlfriend over them and forcing them to be around someone that did not like them.

Don't do that to your children.

If this guy can't get along with your kids, then he needs to go and stay gone. Your kids come first.

[Billie28]

He is slowly breaking up with you. Don't allow that.

 

He promised to marry you, that means living with you and accepting everything about you including your kids.

He has broken his promise.

 

That's ok. He is allowed to.

 

I'm guessing there never was a date set for the wedding?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. How long have you been dating? How long have you lived together? Where is the kids' father? He lives with his mother, how old is he?

 

He doesn't want to 'stay together' the whats to keep the door open for fwb/hook ups but not deal with arguments about your kids. What were the arguments about? Does he have kids?

He feels to stressed being here with my kids from previous marriage. We always argue about them.I'm confused. Why move everything out if staying together.

[ParisPaulette]

If he's so stressed out by your kids he can't live with you, how on earth do either of you think you're going to get married at any point in the future? I'm sorry OP he has demoted you back down the chain to girlfriend only and will probably further demote you to "I need to be single," soon enough.

 

You are far better off to let him go altogether, tell him not to come back until he accepts the whole package and please do not stick your kids with a man who can't get along with them, and then heal and move forward being the best mom possible. And if some guy wants to share in that, then he has to share in all of it.

 

Agree with the others, don't put other people ahead of your kids. Sure you may stay single, I did. I also never ended up in court or worse or just having my kids be traumatized by someone who was mean to them or didn't accept them or worse. Don't be another statistic for "this is why you put your kids ahead of any man/woman who would hurt them," and if you two are fighting about your kids, you can't look me in the eyes and tell me he hasn't at the least raised his voice to the kids and been angry at them in a manner that has been unreasoning.

 

If you're fighting about the kids then he's not the one, period, end of story. Kick him out and be glad you didn't marry him. Then go get some therapy to figure out why you let him stay around you and the kids long enough to even get engaged and moved in, let alone anything else. Once he's gone step back and look at what the fights were about. Did he want your kids gone altogether? Did he want to whip them with a belt? Were they upset Mom had a new guy? What exactly where the fights about, because that's a serious red flag right there no matter what it was.

 

A guy once told me if we stayed together he'd whip my kid's butt so hard he wouldn't be able to sit down for a week, simply because my kid interrupted us talking in a restaurant to tell me he had to really go to the bathroom right then. Needless to say, that guy got dumped right there on the spot and told never to contact me again or I'd be filing charges. I collected up my kids and left. And this was guy who'd made it past the six-month mark of, "I feel okay enough to let you meet my kids in a public setting." This is what the guy did in a public sitting on a first time meeting the kids.

 

Yeah, no fricking way I was staying around for the ensuing child abuse in that one. And no one was touching a kid who simply had to go to the bathroom. He was 9 by the way. So disgusting for a grown man to even think I would accept him saying that. So OP if this has been your fiance you need to wise up and toughen up for your kids' sake.