anointed43 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I have been dating this guy for a year and a half. He cheated on me several times with his ex-girlfriends. He bought me and her the same engagement ring. Bought us similar gifts. He has a daughter 16 that lost her mom a year ago that he is raising by himself. He has a daughter 20 years old also. The daughter 20 lives away from home. I built relationships with his daughters. The ex-girlfriend built relationships with his daughters also. The ex-girlfriend picks his 16 year old daughter up and spend time with her. He swears he want yo be with me and not the ex-girlfriend. I am going to end this relationship and I will not get back with him. But should I end my relationships with his daughters? The ex-girlfriend is still in their lives. I feel with everything him and I have been through with the ex-girlfriend. She should not be the picture and the fact that she is in their lives I should back off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Wow sorry he's like this. Sounds like a player. You are very wise to get him out of your life and very kind to reduce the confusion he is creating in his girls' lives by stepping back.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jibralta Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 You should definitely leave this relationship! As for the daughters, if you are open to being a part of their lives let them know that, but let them initiate contact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I would break up. Unless the ex girlfriend essentially helped raise the daughters - was in the 16 year old's life since she was 6, she has no business in their lives. If you are only with him for a year and a half - you don't either. Honestly, in that short amount of time, you should have no relationship with them outside of when you interact with them in his presence. After you break up, if the 20 year old chooses to have a relationship with you - she is an adult - and separate from her dad - but the 16 year old is not. I would break up and NOT contact the daughters again. If they contact you, do not engage in conversation about the breakup and try to fade into the sunset, particular for the 16 year old. You want to make a clean break. Be on friendly terms with the 20 year old if you run into her in public, but under no circumstances see her dad. That is really strange he should choose the same engagement ring. This guy clearly does not unattach easy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I dated someone with young daughters and managed to stay in their lives for a few years. Much like abitbroken and jibralta suggested, let them know you are available to them and allow them to decide. You can only do this if you completely divorce yourself from their dad and any entanglements with him and the other ex. The purpose of maintaining a relationship with these young women is purely for their benefit, not yours. It's not fair for parents to allow people to come and go from their lives. If you do so, make sure you are doing so for the right reasons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 You should definitely leave this relationship! As for the daughters, if you are open to being a part of their lives let them know that, but let them initiate contact. I second this post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaggerJim Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 You should definitely leave this relationship! As for the daughters, if you are open to being a part of their lives let them know that, but let them initiate contact. Yes this. Keeping in touch over social media will probably work out best in this situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Yes this. Keeping in touch over social media will probably work out best in this situation. But gradually decrease. Your goal is meeting the right one. Not too many men would take kindly to you having a relationship with daughters of a man you dated for a year and a half connecting you back to him. Remember, you do NOT have a deep relationship with them in that short of time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretzel Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 Good advice to let them know you'd be open to keeping contact but let them initiate. I think they'd really appreciate it and luckily they are old enough to understand your position. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 One of the girls I mentioned was 11 at the time. She is in her 20's now. She still reaches out thru FB every once in a while. I'm glad I left that door open. She shared with me last year how much of an impact I had on her life. What she didn't know was she impacted me in so many ways as well. I appreciate her father encouraged, but didn't push our friendship. It's been a good experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anointed43 Posted March 31, 2017 Author Share Posted March 31, 2017 Thanks so much for the advice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 Thanks so much for the advice! Above all, do not let the girls negotiate with you about getting back together with dad. You still need to distance yourself for quite some time. Don't let them keep a collection of their dad's exes. if the 20 year old reaches out down the road NOT about her dad...well then thats different Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anointed43 Posted March 31, 2017 Author Share Posted March 31, 2017 Okay, Good advice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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