dawn17 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I'm 23 and my mother has heart failure. The doctor has given her a life span of 5 years. I see her almost everyday and she cry to me and begs for me to give her grandchildren before she passes. I want to give her grandchildren just as much as I want them to know how beautiful of a person she is. I'm currently in a very strong relationship with my boyfriend for 6 years. I have talked to him about it and he says hes not ready to stop buying toys for himself. I feel torn between the two. If anyone can help guide me I'd appreciate it. Thank you for reading. Link to comment
gebaird Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Deathbed or not, no one can tell you what to do -- and certainly no one can tell your boyfriend what to do. Your mother is simply asking too much. Tell her you love her but aren't sure you can comply with her request. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Your mom may want grandchildren but she's not going to be raising them . See what I mean? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Sorry at 23 this is the absolute worst reason to start a family. Rushing into a lifelong responsibility will not make her live longer or die happier. That is very coercive if she's doing this to you. Do not use this as a reason to push and rush your bf. Your bf is correct that you are both too young and immature. Do you live together? Do you both work? Are you engaged? Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I am so sorry about your moms health. Perhaps there is a way to gently suggest to your mom about finding someone to talk to about what she is going through. This is about her and things she is thinking about at this part of her journey in life. She must be very sad at the idea of possibly not living to see grandchildren and to have that experience as a grandma. That is not for you to take on as having children has to be your decision when you and your boyfriend are both ready. You can listen but do not take this on your shoulders. Perhaps talking to someone yourself may be valuable for you too. Link to comment
happyfrank Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Sorry about about your mother. Babies are created when two couples are in agreement to bring into this world the responsibilities of parenthood. Tell your mother that your not ready. Link to comment
rosephase Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Wow, what a terrible way to treat you. I've heard of parents pressuring their kids for grandkids but man... Do not have a child for your mother. I'm sorry she is ill and her life expectancy is short but being emotionally manipulative to force you to live the life that she wants is an awful reaction no matter what is happening in her life. Tell her to respect you and your partners choice and to stop pressuring you. Ask her to help you enjoy the time you have left together instead of leaving you with guilt and pressure and relationship issues. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I'm sorry about your mom but what she's doing is basically emotional abuse. Don't ever have children for anyone but yourself. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Children are such a massive responsibility, if you have them, it should be because you and your boyfriend are ready together to bring a child(ren) into the world. Children should not be born to please parents/relatives/friends/whatever. They'll be happy for a little bit, have some selfie moments with the babies, and then will go home and it will be you/your boyfriend's responsibility to raise them. Your mom is sick and is likely not thinking rationally. It is never a good idea to have kids if you aren't ready. It may very well crater your relationship. You need to wait until/if you are ready. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Please do not have children because of your mom. Let your relationship take its natural course. Only have kids after marriage AND when you and he BOTH feel the time is right - not because mom wants it. Also, who knows. Mom could drop dead tomorrow or live for 15 years due to new discoveries. And you may regret rushing into having a baby out of wedlock or marrying in haste if you are still working through school or working on your relationship. 5 years is a good amount of time, but some of that time is before the age of 20, so i wouldn't rush things. Tell mom that is unfair of her to put that pressure on you Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 I'm sorry about your mom but what she's doing is basically emotional abuse. Don't ever have children for anyone but yourself. Totally agree on both points. Also don't try to pressure your boyfriend into having a baby now, it's not right. Never, ever, have children when others dictate it. Children are a huge responsibility which need both parents on board and mature, stable and emotionally and mentally ready for them. 23 is still very young. You should be enjoying life to the fullest. Plenty of time for kids later and believe me, your life changes completely. Don't let your mother pressure you. Ever. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.