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We have different religions. How do i stop myself from falling for this guy?

Sarah1231

By Sarah1231
in Relationship Advice

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Sarah1231 Apprentice

Sarah1231

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Maybe some of you don't really care about religious differences, neither do I actually, but I live in a society that gives a huge damn to this. In my country people of different religions live in perfect harmony, however, when it comes to romantic relationships and marriage, it's a huge deal.

 

So there's this guy that I like, that i really really like and click with. Am not the kind to fall for guys easily, but this one is just everything i've ever wanted. I have this mental, emotional and physical attraction towards him and I believe he does too but we never did anything about it. I think we both know how impossible this is on a cultural, traditional, social and familial levels. And please don't try to lecture me on how these things don't matter, because they do, we don't really live alone in this world do we?

 

Problem is, he is my colleague and I almost see him everyday and we get to have our little chats every now and then. I feel like am slowly falling for this guy, he's popping in my head more and more often lately and I just have to stop this ..

 

I know my question may seem non-sense but I truly need to know how do i hold myself from falling any further for him? How do i stop this rush of interest and feelings towards him?

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Wiseman2 Grand Master

Wiseman2

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It's ok to have a crush on a coworker but don't date them. He doesn't sound interested in anything more than being friendly at work and hasn't asked you out so why let your mind get ahead of you?

 

In the meantime, get on some dating apps or go to places where you meet men you don't work with and who have the same background as you.

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DancingFool Grand Master

DancingFool

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By recognizing that what you are experiencing is just a crush. Kind of like a crush for a celebrity - someone you don't really know, someone who is completely out of your reach, but you fantasize about anyway for awhile at least. You enjoy the fantasy for a bit and then you return to real life.

 

So the same with this guy - you don't actually know him, certainly not enough to determine that he is everything you imagine him to be or even the way you imagine him to be and he is totally out of your reach. While it's OK to allow yourself a little bit of daydreaming, be sure to check yourself and don't let this fantasizing overwhelm your reality and your life. So focus on your work, your friends, your life, hobbies, guys who are actually suitable to you, etc. When you feel that you are getting too consumed, distract yourself with something else. Your brain can only think about one thing at a time so give it something else to think about.

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Snny Experienced

Snny

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Maybe some of you don't really care about religious differences, neither do I actually, but I live in a society that gives a huge damn to this. In my country people of different religions live in perfect harmony, however, when it comes to romantic relationships and marriage, it's a huge deal.

Even in first world societies you're still going to run into this problem.

 

It doesn't matter what country you live in; it matters that your values match up to your partners.

 

An example: I am a practicing Catholic and was raise with conservative views. I dated an atheist who was a radicalized liberal. I kept an open mind as much as I could but he couldn't do so with my own views. Our personal values did not meet. I ended up dumping the person before one month of our relationship.

 

Another their example: I had a childhood friend (Christian) who dated a Muslim man. She ended up pregnant. The guys response: abort the baby because there is no way in hell I'm paying child support born from a non-Muslim white woman. His parents even threatened her because to them, she was an infidel and a threat to their culture (LOL their son is a perfect little angel).

 

The ONLY way for inter-religious marriages would work is if someone converts or both parties denounce their faiths and go secular. Otherwise, the relationship will fail. And this is easy said than done.

 

Problem is, he is my colleague and I almost see him everyday and we get to have our little chats every now and then.

Keep it professional. Stay away from personal conversations. And look at finding other guys to date who match with your values.

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coolgirl Rising Star

coolgirl

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Well, I second that she does have the right to feel the way she feels about this guy or crush on him. True that she might not have success with it but she is entitled to her feelings. As long as she can control her feelings towards him and not act on it then she should be fine. But if it's bothering her that much just being around him maybe she could start dating someone else she could get her mind off of him.

 

You're probably not going to have a lot of success preventing feelings of attraction and interest from arising. However, just because you feel something doesn't mean you have to act on it.
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JaggerJim Community Regular

JaggerJim

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Well, I second that she does have the right to feel the way she feels about this guy or crush on him. True that she might not have success with it but she is entitled to her feelings. As long as she can control her feelings towards him and not act on it.

 

I think she will act on it. We have to stop this.

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