aroud Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 So I'm in a bit of a dilemma and there is a lot of history to this so bear with me. About 12 years ago I had a gf for about 2 years. We were poles apart emotionally and recognised our incompatibility on that front, so ended it. However our friendship naturally survived - totally non awkward and non sexual / flirtatious, and we kept in touch meeting up for a meal every month or so for about 2 years. We'd talk about our new relationships, life, everything, offering advice and support, and to this day she is one of the best friends I've ever had. My next relationship was about 8 months and didn't work out, and she was quite accepting of my friendship with my ex and trusted me that there was nothing else to it. The reason that one didn't work out is because she was from overseas and essentially I had to choose to go with her or not. Nothing to do with my friendship with my ex. I then met my wife, and that's about 7 years ago now. When I initially told her about my friendship with my ex - who was from my point of view someone very important to my social support network - she was very uneasy about it. She did not trust that it was nothing to worry about no matter how reassuring I was. I told my friend that I would not be in touch for a while as I was seeing someone who was really special to me and at that time I thought once the trust grew I could resume the friendship. I never resumed the friendship due to my now-wife having jealousy issues with women I worked with. I felt bad that I'd told my ex that I'd be in touch, but I never was. That was 7 years ago, and I'd suggested a couple of months thinking that I could negotiate somehow. Intermittently my wife would say that she was actually okay with me being friends and she recognised this person was an important friend and part of my history, but with the jealousy issue still there I figured there was no way this friendship with my ex could bring anything positive to my relationship with the woman I loved dearly and more than anything. It would just create more of a problem than it solved. I would say to my wife that out of respect I felt the friendship could not continue. Then a month ago I get an email from my ex. It is quite strange in a way, asking me about someone who once did a gardening job for her, and if I knew who it was. She also asked me how I was doing generally. When I read that I thought that after all this time and considering I'd cut her out of my life so strangely, that I would reply. After doing so I knew that I could never tell my wife. I got a reply from my ex and reading it I'm sure its just friendly and she misses the friendship as I do sometimes. But having a secret email conversation that I can't tell my wife about is completely rediculous. And so I've not replied, and until I'm sure what the right thing to do it, I'm not going to. Maybe I've answered my own question here, but I'm thinking I just need to let this one go and never reply. There is no way my wife would be okay with this no matter how fascinating it would be to learn how my ex has got on in life and what she's up to etc. I do miss that friendship still, even though it's been a long time. Also I'm thinking that once I got that email from my ex I should have just ignored it. This isn't stressing me out massively or anything. I would just like to do the right thing. Link to comment
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