socallmesue Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Hi everyone! Been lurking around ENA but did not find a thread about this so I decided to start one. I've recently had a pretty mutual break up with ex of 1y3m. We are currently in NC. The thing is both of us were friends before we got together. I would love to be friends with him if the opportunity arises after we have both got over the break because we share several mutual interests but perhaps we are just not meant to be romantically linked together. Any ENA who has experiences with being friends with ex(es) especially after a mutual break up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waraqqa Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 If you were friends before as opposed to starting to date right away, then I think it may be possible to be friends after. Actually, I've been friends with most of my exes - provided the feelings don't get in the way. Sometimes it just takes a few months or a year (or more? depending on the extent of feelings) to stay away from each other and be able to see each other through purely platonic lenses more naturally. It may also depend on how much sexual history you share together. Some of my exes from 10 years ago or so I'm very comfortably friends with. However, it is all long-distance, and we don't meet and chat very frequently. It's more saying "happy bday", "merry xmas", and occasionally getting back in touch for a video chat or a brief visit if I'm in the area. life takes over and people are busy. Often they have new relationships, leaving less time and room for keeping in touch - which is normal. I also have an ex from a few years ago whom at some point I wanted to marry. But there was not too much sexual history, the r-ship itself was mostly long-distance with few visits. We were great as friends, though, so after taking a few months to detach post-break up, we gradually started talking more again - only as friends. It also helps if you date other people, then you go back and don't quite see that person in the same way. If you are romantically attached to someone else already, then you can still love the ex without being in love with them anymore, it makes things calm. However! - it takes time. Don't kid yourself that you can shift to friendship right away without your mind playing tricks on you to where you still want them romantically. The most recent ex is one of the best potential friends I could have. However, our love story was much too intense, and my side of attraction to him is too strong, and I continue to see him as a desired partner, whereas he does not. So, my strong feelings in combination with the fact that our feelings are unequal make it very difficult. Hence, I don't initiate things and hope to fade out before I delude myself or hurt myself any further. I think it can be dangerous. It is also important to think about the other person. If you perceive they are still in love with you or have some such fragility, best to move away and give them space, because false hope can sometimes be given without any direct words, just by spending time. Of course, it is their decision also. So, long stories short answer: in the short run, No friendship. Stay away and let the memories soften and fade a bit. Then if you are comfortable no longer seeing him as a potential partner and the memories don't bother you, then over time you can reach out and gradually develop a softer friendship. It may be gradual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujusamples Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 Yes, I'm friends with a couple of my ex's after a breakup. There is one ex which I dated for 2 years, even lived together for about 1 year. Things didn't end badly with us, we just weren't compatible as a couple. We went no contact for while until we both got over the relationship. We did figured out we make better friends than romantic partners. We have a good time hanging out together here and there. Lots of fun and laughter as friends, more so than when we were dating. However, we do not call or texts and see each other like we are bests friends. We are just friends. So I say sometimes it can work. Some people just make better friends. I wouldn't go try to be his friend right away though. You should give it some time. As much time as you both need to get over the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seanryder Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 It is possible in theory to be friends, but rest assured it will cause problems for both of you with new partners. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 30, 2017 Share Posted March 30, 2017 What happens when you or he want to move forward and date others? Will having been more than friends hold you back?I would love to be friends with him if the opportunity arises after we have both got over the break because we share several mutual interests but perhaps we are just not meant to be romantically linked together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
socallmesue Posted April 8, 2017 Author Share Posted April 8, 2017 What happens when you or he want to move forward and date others? Will having been more than friends hold you back? That's why I am going NC now, to wait for the strong feelings to slowly fade and reach a point when I'm ok with him to date others, and me being able to wish him well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.