struggling with love

[GuitarGuyUSA]

I have been married 27 years to my wife and we've raised 7 kids together. Our marriage has been good with highs and lows and lots of mistakes. I love my wife very much. She's a very good person. But the relationship has been a struggle for the both of us. In the past and other relationships, I had felt infatuated heat and this relationship came about more out of convenience and not wanting to have to start again.

In the last year I have met the woman who has re framed my thinking about love. The connection that I have with her is far beyond physical. There have been many coincidences, that seem to point to her. I have never cried as comfortably with anyone as I have with her. I have never shared things as deeply as I do with her. As I research on google this begins to take on a new agey aspect of an energy connection like a twin flame. While I think a lot of this is hokey their is no denying the palpability of whats happening.

She has also been married for over twenty years. and has a young daughter and though we have both been working to keep our heads on straight, its beginning to become harder and harder not to acknowledge the elephant in the room.

I am struggling about the future and the way forward. My rational mind says that I should let this go and maintain my marriage with my wife but in doing so she would be with someone who stays with her out of convenience rather than passion or love. I also may not be able to feel this way again with another human being in my life. I don't want to get to be 80 years old and have this huge regret that I did not pursue this woman of my dreams. What to do?

[Wiseman2]

Is she ready to divorce her husband? A lot of logistics involved but remember the highs of an affair will blunt into the same thing if you manage to both divorce and end up together.

[nutbrownhare]

In the last year I have met the woman who has re framed my thinking about love. The connection that I have with her is far beyond physical. There have been many coincidences, that seem to point to her. I have never cried as comfortably with anyone as I have with her. I have never shared things as deeply as I do with her. As I research on google this begins to take on a new agey aspect of an energy connection like a twin flame. While I think a lot of this is hokey their is no denying the palpability of whats happening.

 

Yes. This is known as infatuation, and it doesn't last.

 

It could be that this huge crush on another, married, woman is a wake-up call to you to have another look at your marriage and see if your needs aren't being met, and if there's something you can do about it. If not, discuss with your wife whether you want to stay together and take it from there.

 

However, when you say that your marriage has been good, but a struggle for both of you... had you thought of the kind of struggle that's likely to ensue if you do anything with this other woman?

[reinventmyself]

Rather selfish, don't you think?

 

You committed to your wife and 7 children and it's become comfortable.

Marriages are work and in a marriage of 27 years, even the best have 'struggles'.

You don't think your wife deserves more from you than having an emotional affair with another married woman?

 

As you `try to keep your head on straight' why don't you consider doing the honorable thing and uphold the commitment you made to your family.

Apply all that energy you feed to the fantasy of something you don't have into your marriage.

[Seraphim]

And you wouldn't "regret " divorce and your children possibly not talking to you ?

[SherrySher]

You could go for it, but expect to destroy two families, hurt many people, maybe even have some of them hate you or hate her.

It would be one thing if you two had met after you both were divorced, but you met while still in marriages and are cheating. It will cause wars with two families and other people's feelings are involved here, not just yours.

 

If you want more than what your marriage is offering you, do things the right way, divorce then find someone new. Don't piddle around and stay married but mess with other women, it will never be right or okay.

[Lester]

"I also may not be able to feel this way again with another human being in my life."

- You can have that any time you want it. She's a dime a dozen and everywhere. (Eight years of sales taught me that.

 

"I don't want to get to be 80 years old and have this huge regret that I did not pursue this woman of my dreams.

- The thrill of the cheat will fade and your only regret will be the day you met her.

 

"What to do?"

- Dump the common one and work on your marriage.

 

 

PS, You're going to be eighty in about a half hour from now. Dishonor will only make it worse.

[Unreasonable]

My rational mind says that I should let this go and maintain my marriage with my wife

The rational choice is usually the correct one. My bet is if you put the same amount of effort into your wife as you did this woman, pursuing counselling perhaps, that you could repair your marriage. You know this mystical energy stuff is a bunch of bunk. You're infatuated, that's allowing you to do things you would not normally do. Crying on shoulders and spilling your guts is so freakin cliched in the path towards of infidelity man, nothing special about that whatsovever. Your vision is clouded.

 

Infatuation fades. I know this from experience.