what to expect is/are opinion of men about getting someone pregnant or chance to

[RainyCoast]

one of the past threads says OP is 30 btw.

 

and explains a "child wish" has driven her to unsafe sexual contact.

 

apart from what others have said, i would hope you no longer expose yourself to STDs while trying to get pregnant.

 

i think you should talk about this to a professional.

[Annia]

my respect to S, and her faith in people.

 

to the best of my knowledge though, there are no grammatical rules in any european language that render answering such a question by adding the ages together reasonable.

 

i agree with annia though. at least make it fun for us if you're going to troll.

 

I had no idea she's been here for years. I don't want to unfairly call a troll to anyone or disregard anyone's problems, but that's what I thought... I see there's a language barrier, but deliberately adding both ages so that she wouldn't answer this simple direct question in a direct manner shows some intention (and some sense of humor?) and because some people said that she never answers or clarifies anything and talks in riddles I thought her answer was trolling, even if the situation is in fact real.

[Seraphim]

Belgian girl is really difficult to understand . I'm not really sure of her capacity to understand English . That's more my point . And she suffers from a lot of difficulties from what I understand . Health wise that is . She is really difficult understand I get that. I don't know I guess my compassion comes from a mother that didn't speak English in her early years and was tormented for such at school. But then she came to speak and write English far better than native English speakers . And I have a son who is disabled in writing as well as other areas and has been tormented for such . So I have a special place in my heart for people who are difficult understand . Everyone needs understanding .

[RainyCoast]

i have to apologize. reading through OP's extensive and disturbing posting history i chanced upon mention of psychiatric problems. i sympathize and, again, apologize for assuming trolling rather than a disability.

 

OP. i can't help this warning. you have written about physical and mental problems. poverty. extreme health anxiety coupled with behavior irresponsible to your health such as unsafe sex and frequent exposure to and ingestion of substances you are allergic to, and a refusal to take psychiatric meds.

 

i don't know how many of these problems are in the past for you. from recent posts it appears many aren't. i don't think it would be wise to have a child on your own. if and when you decide to have a child, you'll want to be certain they are provided for and that you have reliable ppl who are willing to help if you find yourself overwhelmed or unable to parent optimally, need rest, treatment, support etc.

 

i hope you have a psychologist working with you as well.

[Seraphim]

i have to apologize. reading through OP's extensive and disturbing posting history i chanced upon mention of psychiatric problems. i sympathize and, again, apologize for assuming trolling rather than a disability.

 

OP. i can't help this warning. you have written about physical and mental problems. poverty. extreme health anxiety coupled with behavior irresponsible to your health such as unsafe sex and frequent exposure to and ingestion of substances you are allergic to, and a refusal to take psychiatric meds.

 

i don't know how many of these problems are in the past for you. from recent posts it appears many aren't. i don't think it would be wise to have a child on your own. if and when you decide to have a child, you'll want to be certain they are provided for and that you have reliable ppl who are willing to help if you find yourself overwhelmed or unable to parent optimally, need rest, treatment, support etc.

 

i hope you have a psychologist working with you as well.

Thank you. ❤

[RainyCoast]

belgian girl, do you have access to good quality treatment for your mental and physical problems now?

 

can you imagine a child with a single mum who was unwell and unable to care for them?

 

your first duty is yourself. get all the help and assistance and treatment and practice self care first. since you want a baby, you have double the motivation to take care of yourself first so that you'll be ready for a baby.

 

look for a reliable partner. someone who has proven themselves fit and worthy for several years straight. single parenting is hard enough as it is. being ill, you and the baby would need another parent desperately.

[sotiredofit]

Why is this under "Infidelity"?? Yikes!

[boltnrun]

OP said she took a pregnancy test and it was negative. Thank goodness.

 

Now, OP, I suggest no longer having unprotected sex with men you tell yourself you "love" after one or two conversations/dates/encounters. You can't possibly love a man you've only dated/had sex with/communicated with once or twice. And please stop putting yourself in danger by having unprotected sex with men you barely know! Or at all!

 

I understand, you desperately want love and you think having unprotected sex with a man will make him love you. I also think you want a child because you believe a child will give you unconditional love. But there's more to parenthood than holding the baby in your arms, gazing lovingly at it and dressing it in cute clothes. Much, much more. It's hard work. And a baby doesn't know its job is to love you unconditionally. They have real needs that parents must meet. And children cry, they get sick and they act up and they have tantrums. It isn't all cuddling and pretty clothes.

 

Are you currently in treatment for any of your illnesses?

[Belgian girl]

I am from Belgium which me ans French is second language here.

 

 

She's not a troll she's been here for years . I truly think it's just a linguistic difference .

[Belgian girl]

In my opinion there isn`t necessairily a correlation between poverty, `anxiety` (due to wrong or lack of non psychical medication), refusing psychiatric stuff, .. and being instable

 

 

i have to apologize. reading through OP's extensive and disturbing posting history i chanced upon mention of psychiatric problems. i sympathize and, again, apologize for assuming trolling rather than a disability.

 

OP. i can't help this warning. you have written about physical and mental problems. poverty. extreme health anxiety coupled with behavior irresponsible to your health such as unsafe sex and frequent exposure to and ingestion of substances you are allergic to, and a refusal to take psychiatric meds.

 

i don't know how many of these problems are in the past for you. from recent posts it appears many aren't. i don't think it would be wise to have a child on your own. if and when you decide to have a child, you'll want to be certain they are provided for and that you have reliable ppl who are willing to help if you find yourself overwhelmed or unable to parent optimally, need rest, treatment, support etc.

 

i hope you have a psychologist working with you as well.

[Belgian girl]

I don`t think it is extremely inresponsible having once unprotected sex after years and while being infertile, no sperm contact, someone at an age low fertile

[abitbroken]

In my opinion there isn`t necessairily a correlation between poverty, `anxiety` (due to wrong or lack of non psychical medication), refusing psychiatric stuff, .. and being instable

 

Unstable is unstable. It does matter how. If you have poverty, the child may not have food to eat, clothing or safe drinking water. If you are chronically ill, you cannot physically take care of the child, nor provide money to take care of the child. If you have mental problems, you cannot take care of a child.

[JaggerJim]

I don`t think it is extremely inresponsible having once unprotected sex after years and while being infertile, no sperm contact, someone at an age low fertile

 

Errrr, STD'S?

[Belgian girl]

Yes, mainly endocrinologist.

 

OP said

 

she took a pregnancy test and it was negative. Thank goodness.

 

Now, OP, I suggest no longer having unprotected sex with men you tell yourself you "love" after one or two conversations/dates/encounters. You can't possibly love a man you've only dated/had sex with/communicated with once or twice. And please stop putting yourself in danger by having unprotected sex with men you barely know! Or at all!

 

I understand, you desperately want love and you think having unprotected sex with a man will make him love you. I also think you want a child because you believe a child will give you unconditional love. But there's more to parenthood than holding the baby in your arms, gazing lovingly at it and dressing it in cute clothes. Much, much more. It's hard work. And a baby doesn't know its job is to love you unconditionally. They have real needs that parents must meet. And children cry, they get sick and they act up and they have tantrums. It isn't all cuddling and pretty clothes.

 

Are you currently in treatment for any of your illnesses?

[Belgian girl]

It was me who took initiative while he has had only two relationships and à teenage child born out of that second relationship

 

Errrr,

 

STD'S?

[Belgian girl]

There are a lot of people with low income who do have children

[abitbroken]

There are a lot of people with low income who do have children

 

Yes there are, but it does not mean you should have a child on purpose. Some people are low income after children from losing their job. Or their husband dies or they are abandoned. its a hard life. Do not bring a child into the world with 1) a sick mother who has no way to feed or pay for an education 2) no father married to the mother. Do not do this on purpose. It is SELFISH.

 

I think you have no empathy or care for a child if you want to bring them into the world with all strikes against them

1) poverty

2) sick mother

3) absent father

 

All those strikes make them someone who could end up a teenage pregnancy, get involved with a gang or receive no education.

[Batya33]

Of course. Children are born into all sorts of situations. And do just fine in low income situations. Here's the difference. People who really want a child for the right reasons think first of the best interests of the child before getting pregnant or adopting. Of course accidents happen but we're talking about you choosing to get pregnant and have a child in a situation which is by definition not in the best interests of the child - you are not in a committed and stable relationship, you have significant health issues plus little money or financial stability. And by accident I mean a person sho uses reliable birth control and it fails - not playing Russian roulette with unprotected sex and having an "accident".

Your wish to have a child matters of course. So create a life situation where you are acting in the best interests of the child. Then make good on your wish. If you cannot provide that situation then you may have to give up on the wish of having a child that you are responsible for raising and instead work with children in some way for example. But your focus should be on the child's best interests first before your wish to be a mother - that's a distant second.

[boltnrun]

It was me who took initiative while he has had only two relationships and à teenage child born out of that second relationship

 

What does that have to do with STDs?

 

You reply with so many non sequiturs, I can't even get it. But I do realize English is not your first or second language.

 

Anyway, what does the man you slept with think about you having his baby? Is he fine with it? Is he willing to be present and financially responsible for you and a baby?

 

Or...did you even ask him??

[RainyCoast]

well, european social services try their best to help so they don't have to break families apart. there is unfortunately only so much they can do, and children whose upbringing is poor due to mental, physical and financial reasons do end up taken away from their families of origin and rehomed.

[Batya33]

well, european social services try their best to help so they don't have to break families apart. there is unfortunately only so much they can do, and children whose upbringing is poor due to mental, physical and financial reasons do end up taken away from their families of origin and rehomed.

 

I'm sure they do -and most social services agencies are overwhelmed which is why people who have a choice not to bring a child into a situation like that, shouldn't.

[RainyCoast]

I'm sure they do -and most social services agencies are overwhelmed which is why people who have a choice not to bring a child into a situation like that, shouldn't.

 

yes, that is what i meant.

 

given her insistence though, rather just going for it, i would suggest working with them PRIOR to attempting to get pregnant. they can be very, very helpful in cases where the adult doesn't function quite well on their own but plans a child nevertheless. they won't tell people they shouldn't bring a child into their situation without first providing extensive support to actually help the adult, and prepare a good situation and a nice support net to the parent. they do require compliance with psychiatric treatment though, and cooperation with social services. otherwise, it's an automatic deal-breaker.

 

the LEAST one can do before bringing a child into a bad situation, is seek assistance in remedying it, and taking all possible measures to ensure a better environment and one's sufficient physical and mental fitness.

 

otherwise, just popping one out and being lax about the future as in "well, other ppl manage somehow" would, i'm fairly certain, lead to poor enough upbringing for the child to be taken away, and the parent often institutionalized.

 

i see the same scenario over and over again and it's a shame because there are responsible ways to go about it, even if disabled. people do that all the time too.

 

i think it's impossible to make an investment towards a child's safe future without first investing in one's own well-being, and i don't see OP doing that.

 

sadly, if she does get pregnant, i see the child none other but rehomed.

[Batya33]

It's the trifecta of wanting a child "because that's my wish" (with little/no consideration to the child's best interests), not having a partner, and then having all the financial and mental health issues on top of that (so I guess more than a trifecta).

[RainyCoast]

it is selfish.

 

not to monopolize the thread,

 

but in comparison to OP, my mental, physical and situational problems are very mild.

 

i am two years older, single by choice atm, and have a reliable job with a steady income.

 

i am also childless by choice.

 

of course i'd like to be a mum. but i would also like to know i am fit to provide the child a stable and pleasant life. as long as i have any doubts about my own situation and readiness for parenting, that automatically means i have so much more doubt about the child's future. while there are no guarantees in life and i know people often have a child in sub-optimal circumstance and find ways to make it work, it strikes me as completely irrational and irresponsible to have one without even trying to secure a decent life for it first.

 

i don't know what OPs disability is, but clearly, and no disrespect if this is indeed caused by a disability, it affects her perception and cognition. it doesn't look like she can grasp the concept of putting the child's needs first. and for that reason, i am hoping that she'll at least cooperate with someone who is able to do that before and if she gets pregnant.

[Batya33]

Look, the perspective changes everything. It's where on the priority list the "I want to be a parent/I so want a baby!!" goes. And how and why. I have it relatively easy -financial stability, a loving husband, a part time job where I often can telework and "only one" child.

 

And I had tons of experience with children professionally and personally and 15 years at an intense, crazy unpredictable career, not working with kids but with an often cranky boss if that counts. And all that helps a lot. And still - it often gives me a run for my money -it's about being a role model for him which means shelving my type A personality and "hurry up" type of frustration and making a commitment to showing him a calm, even keeled environment other than in true emergencies (which don't include "I can't find that tiny pebble that is my favorite rock ever and I can't leave the house without it"). It's about knowing that you can plan all you want and so often it won't happen or happen anywhere near as planned. Because of illnesses, meltdowns, a stroke when your baby is 12 days old and your husband has to leave for a business trip the following week, a stroller that breaks when you have a paid for cart full of groceries to get home with your 3 year old who's decided it's really fun to run off in the store just then. Because you have to bring milk for your child to the airport and at the last minute you stored it right next to your now milk-soaked laptop. Oh and being told to take your 5-day old newborn out in freezing temps because "we don't allow children in the lobby of the doctor's office building" and watching your Mama Bear come out with "I'm not moving, so call the police if you need to". I mean we all could list thousands of situations. And guess what -I'm not complaining or venting - it's all ok even when it's not ok - when I got pregnant at 41 naturally I felt like I won the lottery and that is still true.

And that is because I prepared in every way possible and I waited until I was comfortable that I could meet the best interests of the child not just my 20 plus year immense desire to be a mommy. No guarantees -you can do all that preparing and it might come to nothing. But then you know you did your best for the child, in advance -and that gives you strength to figure stuff out.

 

Parenting requires selflessness, even in advance.