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Hi all,

 

Just wanting some advice on how to get a spark back in my relationship.

 

It all seems very flat right now, we haven't seen each other in 5 days..might not seem long to people but we normally spend a lot of time together. She hasn't been replying to texts as quickly or even making any good conversation either

 

When we first started seeing each other last year it was really good, she was super obsessed with me and we were really happy. My feelings haven't changed but ever since about January this year its been really off, we have had happy times but its not the same. Its like she is so comfortable that she doesn't appreciate me anymore, Im always the one making plans and finding things for us to do etc. I always buy her flowers and surprise her and stuff, and Im not moaning about that, I like doing that, but I'll buy us dinner and theres not a "thanks that was really nice" or anything like that.

 

What do I do? Right now its getting to me and I'm being pretty moody but I don't want to put a negative vibe on it, Its just coz im a bit p*ssed with it.

I love her so I don't want to make a gap between us that might not be able to be fixed. Any opinions would be helpful

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How long have you been dating? Also, how old are you both?

 

That "super-obsessed" stage doesn't last and isn't always a good sign. It can mean the other person is just riding high on lust and not really focusing on building a more sustainable relationship. Once that dies off, they get bored and search for the next thrill.

 

Have you talked to her about it? It could be that she truly is just comfortable and this is how she really is in relationships. I would perhaps pull back a little, just to observe. If you're always doing the planning and initiating conversation, you might not be giving her the opportunity to come to you, so she sees no need. If you notice she doesn't take initiative, then a more serious conversation is in order to see if she still wants to be in the relationship.

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It sounds like you are shifting from dating/infatuation mode to relationship/comfortable mode. Why panic?

 

Pull back a bit on the gifts, surprises, smothering, wining and dining,etc.

 

You are clearly resenting it, so just stop and pull back on this.

Its like she is so comfortable that she doesn't appreciate me anymore, Im always the one making plans and finding things for us to do etc. I always buy her flowers and surprise her and stuff, and Im not moaning about that, I like doing that, but I'll buy us dinner and theres not a "thanks that was really nice" or anything like that.
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Don't 'need' to buy flowers etc.. all the time.

 

One should know they're special by just being together.

 

And yes, is normal for that 'high' to die down after the honeymoon phase, but don't let it be just YOU giving into this relationship.

She needs to 'give' a little too.

 

Wait.. and see if she msg's you at all, first? Its okay to not reply to msg's as fast.. but at least she does.

 

Soon enough, you'll see IF she is at all still interested. I wouldnt let things fall for too long though & let it drag.

Called communication.. and we can often tell by their behaviour... - how they act, not what they say.

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I know what you mean, my boyfriend and I spend everyday together and when there's even 2 days apart, it can feel really wrong.

 

Whatever is going on, don't let her make excuses. You should definitely pull back and allow her to initiate conversations. Relationships are always push pull. To add spark back into your relationship, you should focus on yourself for a chance and she might see you in a different light. We can get very very comfortable in a relationship. My advice would be to start hitting the gym, have your own hobby that's healthy and exciting.

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Thanks everyone. Its been nearly a year, I have asked her about this and she says she loves me as much as she always has but its "a different kind of love" she says she is comfortable now or something. My point is I dont want her to be too comfortable that it feels one way.

 

What are your guys opinion on social media and relationships? She never posts me anywhere or anything like that, I love to show her off because I'm still shocked that she is mine and I'm proud to have her, she always says "its nobodies business" which I agree with to a certain point but she can post thousands of snapshats of her friend etc. but none of her boyfriend. Even when we went on holiday, not one picture of us.....is this weird or am I over thinking it?

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It sounds like there is a relationship imbalance at the moment. Why not try pulling back and don't initiate anything for 1 week and see what happens. If she is apathetic then it may be time to point that you feel sad that she's not made the same effort as you recently with everything you've planned and that it's bringing you down. Sorry you're feeling like this don't over-analyse what she does on social media. Did she used to share photos of relationships before?

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