Lying?

[Person1001]

I was dating a guy and he was leaving on duty for a couple weeks. He lied to me about deleting social media, he actually ended up blocking me. When I caught him in his lie, he said anxiety and paranoia made him delete me, he thought I would stalk him. I'm not bashing anyone w/anxiety as I do suffer from it as well. Seems like a big lie to me. Opinions?

[lostlove76]

How long were you dating? Sounds like an excuse to me. Sounds like he has something to hide. And claiming he was afraid you would stalk him is degrading, unless you've shown over-the-top stalking behaviors before. What an ego he has!! But really it sounds like he has other girls on the side, or at least plans to. I'm sorry.

 

I suffer from anxiety too, btw. And I've never become paranoid about someone "stalking" me. This guy is a jerk. You deserve better.

[Person1001]

How long were you dating? Sounds like an excuse to me. Sounds like he has something to hide. And claiming he was afraid you would stalk him is degrading, unless you've shown over-the-top stalking behaviors before. What an ego he has!! But really it sounds like he has other girls on the side, or at least plans to. I'm sorry.

 

I suffer from anxiety too, btw. And I've never become paranoid about someone "stalking" me. This guy is a jerk. You deserve better.

 

We barely got to know each other and I'm def not over the top stalker. He has been communicating w/me in other ways. Idk he said he has been stalked before.

[lostlove76]

We barely got to know each other and I'm def not over the top stalker. He has been communicating w/me in other ways. Idk he said he has been stalked before.

 

People who say they have been "stalked" before USUALLY (not always, but usually) have big egos and enjoy the drama and attention and ego-boost. Please don't fall for this. He's claiming to be some kind of victim in order to cover up his shady behavior. I guarantee he's hiding you from other girls, or hiding other girls from you. I would be offended at his claim that he's afraid you'll stalk him. You're not a crazy person (I assume ) and he has no right to label you as such. Tell him to eff off, and then go find someone who isn't shady and drama-hungry.

[greta96]

He lied, and he did so because there was something he needed to hide from you.

This is not something you should gloss over.

[j.man]

I was dating a guy and he was leaving on duty for a couple weeks. He lied to me about deleting social media, he actually ended up blocking me. When I caught him in his lie, he said anxiety and paranoia made him delete me, he thought I would stalk him. I'm not bashing anyone w/anxiety as I do suffer from it as well. Seems like a big lie to me. Opinions?

We can't offer a real opinion because we don't know if he actually does have reason to think you'd do something borderline crazy. Had it happen to me before. You have a history of insecurity and didn't bother taking a break after your last major relationship, so I frankly am not going to doubt the possibility.

 

Please take some time off, Person.

[Wiseman2]

Yikes. it sounds like he feel smothered and under a microscope. Never laser focus on people to the point where they need to shut you out of their online presence so they won't be questioned about everything.

 

Also it seems you two communicate poorly. Decide how you are going to communicate and on which medium. Did he block you so he can enjoy some freedom while he's away without repercussions?

I was dating a guy and he was leaving on duty for a couple weeks. I caught him in his lie, he thought I would stalk him.

[lostlove76]

Another possibility is that he wanted a quick fling and wanted to be done with it when he goes away, and he blocked you so that he didn't have to deal with a messy ending. Not saying that's what happened, because I don't know. But he sounds like a jerk.

[Person1001]

We decided to communicate via email and another app, something we have been doing. The account he blocked me on we barely communicated at all, just through messenger and that's it. He said he would re add me when he had a chance, I ended up blocking him and will prob add him to a dummy account.

[Person1001]

Another possibility is that he wanted a quick fling and wanted to be done with it when he goes away, and he blocked you so that he didn't have to deal with a messy ending. Not saying that's what happened, because I don't know. But he sounds like a jerk.

 

We never slept together and he has continued communicating w/me via other sources.

[boltnrun]

How many dates did you go on with him?

 

Are you trying to create another "insta-relationship"? I know you really, really want to get married.

[Birdie]

Didn't you go on like 2 dates with this guy?

 

Red flags are already popping up, why not just move on? Not worth it.

[Person1001]

Didn't you go on like 2 dates with this guy?

 

Red flags are already popping up, why not just move on? Not worth it.

 

I did go on 2 dates, I felt so at ease and comfortable w/him (not sexually obviously). I don't want an instant relationship, I want to figure out if someone is worth getting to know.

[boltnrun]

But you ALWAYS get instantly attached.

 

I presume this is the military guy who bothered you because he texted too much and has two previous broken engagements, who you worried about because you thought military guys don't commit?

 

Why do you continue to date these guys when there are so many glaring red flags?

 

You said previously you want to be married. But attaching yourself to any guy who gives you attention isn't the way to find a husband. You date them and find out if you're compatible. You don't list red flag after red flag and then wonder why it didn't work out.

 

I know you won't listen to any advice to stop dating for a while to figure yourself out, so I'm trying to advise you to at least try to slow it down.

[Person1001]

But you ALWAYS get instantly attached.

 

I presume this is the military guy who bothered you because he texted too much and has two previous broken engagements, who you worried about because you thought military guys don't commit?

 

Why do you continue to date these guys when there are so many glaring red flags?

 

You said previously you want to be married. But attaching yourself to any guy who gives you attention isn't the way to find a husband. You date them and find out if you're compatible. You don't list red flag after red flag and then wonder why it didn't work out.

 

I know you won't listen to any advice to stop dating for a while to figure yourself out, so I'm trying to advise you to at least try to slow it down.

 

I want to slow it down and that's why a ton of texting freaked me out because I knew if that attention stopped, I would be super hurt. I guess I do have a jaded view, as a lot of times I see the negatives more then the positives.

[Birdie]

Going slow is more than just someone texting a lot.

 

It's changing your mindset from "I want a relationship with X" after so little time with a guy. Date 1 is like to decide is someone is worth a few more hours of your time, date 2 maybe anther hang out....not just looking to be exclusive and in a relationship right away or so quickly. You need to value yourself more and stop depending on men for sooo much. You're going to drive away awesome people because i guarantee you they can tell how badly you want a relationship and that you're willing to overlook almost anything for one.

 

You can want a relationship, but don't sacrifice your values!

 

The times I've attracted the most attention from really great guys was when I loved myself and had more fun doing my own thing than being involved with them.

 

Heck even now I live with my boyfriend and, with me working shift work, sometimes go days without actually seeing him and it's totally fine.

 

You need to be ok alone.

[Birdie]

K story time too.

 

I dated this one guy back in the day. He was nice, respectful and really cute. Anyways we had gone on 2 dates and they were good....I think over like 2 weeks. Then on a weekend he started texting me like "hey come out" then "oh sorry my friends got my phone, that was them" and "I think you're really great" or something like that.

 

INSTANT turn off. He didn't know me well enough to know I was great, I can be a pretty big "witch". And it was just so irritating, not flattering. Out with my friends getting these messages. I ended things with him within the next few days, ending mainly being texted and be like "thanks but not interested in a relationship right now" or some go to line.

 

He wasn't outright "desperate" or rude, but his eagerness and just full on ness after so little time was a turn off.