An old flame has come back into my life. How can I win her back?

[PizzaShield]

A little background, I met this girl about a year and a half ago. We were just friends for a while, she was kind of into a friend of mine and at the time I wasn't really attracted to her. Fast forward a few months, we start to hang out more. Finally we get coffee and things spring into motion. We end up going on a real date after a little bit. It goes well but parts are awkward.

 

At the time, she seemed like she really liked me. The chemistry was amazing. We'd talk for hours and it felt like minutes. More than once we lost track of time and she missed other stuff. We both felt super connected. It was crazy, the most spark I've ever felt in that amount of time. She freaked out (in a good way) when I asked her on the first official date. She cried to a mutual friend and said to him that I was exactly what she was looking for in a relationship and that she was scared that she was gonna blow it. She eventually told me the same thing, that I was perfect for her. She went through a list of things she wants in a guy and I had them all.

 

But after the first date she has second thoughts. She ends up telling me we should be just friends because she still has feelings for an ex. Said ex is a total piece of trash, IMO. He doesn't treat her well, he's super jealous and keeps her from her friends.

 

Before she starts dating him we end up sleeping in the same bed at parties several times. We cuddle, stuff like that. Nothing sexual. But it never ended up going anywhere, and she starts dating her ex.

 

I think that maybe she feels like she doesn't deserve better than him. She doesn't say it explicitly, but her first serious boyfriend abused her emotionally and physically and I think it left a mark.

 

All of this transpired about 9 months or so. During those last 9 months we'd see each other occasionally. Her boyfriend kind of kept her from me and our mutual friends. Most of the time when I invite her somewhere she says no or cancels last minute. How frequently we see each other becomes less and less. But we talk a few times and it's usually pretty deep. We did have a thing whenever we'd get really drunk we'd end up face timing each other. I did it on vacation in England and talked to her for hours. In Christmas night she does it to me with a friend. Her friend later texts me and asks if I still have feelings. I dodge the question because I know she's drunk.

 

Fast forward to the other day. I invite her out to a cool tea bar, it's supposed to be a group. She was yes. Everyone else cancels. She still wants to go. We go. It's the first time I've seen her in forever. All the feelings come back. The whole night is awesome. It's just like old times. I found out she broke up with her ex a few months ago. The whole evening feels flirty. But I can't tell if she's into it at all. I can't help but imagine that the idea at least crossed her mind.

 

She ends up coming over to my place, asks if she can stay the night so we can drink. Of course I say yes. We get drunk together and she says she'll sleep on the couch. I tell her she can have my bed and I'll take the couch. She refuses. We sleep in my bed, nothing happened. Not even a little cuddling. She leaves in the morning. And she says she wants to hang out again.

 

I'm freaking out, guys. I don't wanna blow this. How can I go about it? I'm sure I'm more into it romantically than she is. But I don't know how much. Should I tell her how I feel? Should I try to be her friend and bide my time? I'm so distraught. I really don't know what to do. Plz halp.

 

TLDR: Recently met up with old (almost) flame. I really wanna be with her, don't know how to best go about it.

 

Thanks guys

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately it sounds like they are on/off and for whatever reason she keeps going back.

 

Sadly she thinks you are in the friendzone and sort of back up when she fight with her bf.

 

Pull back a bit and stop being there so much for her. She needs to see you as a date not just a friend when she's on the outs with the bf.

after the first date she has second thoughts. She ends up telling me we should be just friends because she still has feelings for an ex. it never ended up going anywhere, and she starts dating her ex. She ends up coming over to my place, asks if she can stay the night so we can drink. Of course I say yes. We get drunk together and she says she'll sleep on the couch. I tell her she can have my bed and I'll take the couch. She refuses. We sleep in my bed, nothing happened.