Why people go back to cheating exs

[allsmiles87]

I really liked this guy and I thought we hit it off, but recently he decided to go back to an ex from over 5 years ago. The girl has 2 kids by 2 different dads , one he thought was his but turns out it wasn't. Whats the appeal? Is it still being in love. Just hurt to feel like I wasn't good enough.

[Annia]

Some people simply have no self respect and prefer to live a crappy life that they already know than risking to explore the unknown.

[Hollyj]

No self respect and attracted to drama.

[boltnrun]

This is how my ex thinks: When his girlfriend cheats on him and then returns to him, he believes the fact that she returned means he's "better" than the other guy. So he actually feels good when his girlfriend cheats and then wants him back.

 

Other people feel like they "won" over the other person. That their cheating girlfriend or boyfriend chose them over the other person.

 

What they actually "won" is a lying cheater, but whatever.

 

I know, it's sick and twisted.

[katrina1980]

No self respect and attracted to drama.

 

I think it goes much deeper than this or what the previous poster said (human nature always does), maybe he has an avoidant personality disorder (APD) which causes him to choose or prefer partners who are either not capable of or available for commitment, unavailable, or not Interested. He feels emotionally 'safer' with women like this because he has a fear of intimacy and sub-consciously her cheating gives him a built-in, ready-made reason or excuse to end it should it become to close for comfort. Best to avoid guys like this, they have too many issues, and will always find fault and push away women who are 'right' and good for him and instead go for those women who are not capable of or available for commitment (cheaters, married women, or not that into him). He may complain about their unavailability, but he stays as for some strange reason (or just APD), they feel emotionally safer for him, because those women will never allow for true intimacy and closeness which scares the living daylights out of him, nor he is not capable of or comfortable with, even if he says otherwise.

[melancholy123]

Some people are suckers for punishment and keep going back for more.

[allsmiles87]

I appreciate your response. It gives more perspective.

[ChellyV]

What I think of is that men are typically "loyal" to a fault, like gravitated towards someone. Pain, drama, misery, regardless of situations, as long as they are with that someone.

[Hollyj]

I think it goes much deeper than this or what the previous poster said (human nature always does), maybe he has an avoidant personality disorder (APD) which causes him to choose or prefer partners who are either not capable of or available for commitment, unavailable, or not Interested. He feels emotionally 'safer' with women like this because he has a fear of intimacy and sub-consciously her cheating gives him a built-in, ready-made reason or excuse to end it should it become to close for comfort. Best to avoid guys like this, they have too many issues, and will always find fault and push away women who are 'right' and good for him and instead go for those women who are not capable of or available for commitment (cheaters, married women, or not that into him). He may complain about their unavailability, but he stays as for some strange reason (or just APD), they feel emotionally safer for him, because those women will never allow for true intimacy and closeness which scares the living daylights out of him, nor he is not capable of or comfortable with, even if he says otherwise.

 

I don't put much into it, and so I am not going to analyze why someone would wish to return to this type of scenario. Not really worth the time.

[KMO7970]

Could be many things. He may have never gotten over her completely, maybe he likes the "challenge" and drama of being with someone like this, or maybe he just prefers to be comfortably uncomfortable.

[IsaacT]

I had a situation in which there was a gray area about cheating (we were technically on a "break" that she initiated in which we agreed not to see other people but she hooked up with someone a few days after that, then lied repeatedly about it).

 

I was devastated but still tried to salvage things. In retrospect, that was for a few reasons:

 

-I thought I still loved her. The fact that someone betrays you unfortunately doesn't just flip a magical switch that makes you forget all the good memories and why you fell in love with them

 

-I wanted her to feel guilty. After the cheating, we ended things mutually and she pointed a finger at me for being "possessive and controlling" in my reaction to what happened. The fact that she didn't object to the breakup after wronging me made me seriously question whether what happened was so bad and whether I should be the one apologizing.

 

-I wanted to be the one walking away. In my head, if SHE was the one who wanted to come back, I would have the opportunity to decline and walk away with dignity.

 

A bunch of strange things go through your head when something like this happens and it's great to get outside perspective from friends. Only after talking A LOT about what happened to friends and family and taking a lot of time away from the situation was I able to see things clearly.

[Annia]

This is how my ex thinks: When his girlfriend cheats on him and then returns to him, he believes the fact that she returned means he's "better" than the other guy. So he actually feels good when his girlfriend cheats and then wants him back.

 

Other people feel like they "won" over the other person. That their cheating girlfriend or boyfriend chose them over the other person.

 

What they actually "won" is a lying cheater, but whatever.

 

I know, it's sick and twisted.

 

Ego and dependency.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. How long before you were dating did they breakup? Everyone's ex is a 'cheating psycho' when they first go out dating again.

 

It could be any ex that someone goes back to because they have a history. Often whatever broke them up seems to fade and they think they can start anew..

I really liked this guy and I thought we hit it off, but recently he decided to go back to an ex from over 5 years ago.

[Badboi629]

Sorry mate, I'm actually going through the same process but i have already met a beautiful kind loving female who is getting along so good with me that i don't even remember the other female

she was the one who wanted me when she had me she got back with her ex husband and hurt me emotionally...

 

 

When human's once explore something

know's in's and out's of a relationship they believe is better to stick around there than to start grieving and moving on with another person, that might not an interest for, a desire for, he needed the 5 year's to get overcome that but he failed, in my mind he probably just didn't date you he probably dated others like you, when he didn't find any interest he went back, really there's nothing you can do about it but if this happened recently than try to apply no contact rule, it might work to get your ex girlfriend or boyfriend back or it might not but least is an attempt