yeahyeahyeah Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 I met a girl from online dating, after the first date we kissed, she told me at the end of the date that she wanted to see me again and asked if I wanted to meet up with her again I said yes. I then proceeded to set up a second date which was tonight. The date went well, there was A LOT more kissing, handholding and general kinkiness. She was generally making more of an effort to kiss me than myself. Anyway, night ended, she told me that I was very charming, I asked her if she wanted to meet up again, she didn't give me a straight answer, told me she will see, and will have to check her diary. She is going to a trip tomorrow. After date, sent a quick text to see if she was got back safely, and told that I had an amazing time. She told me that she had one too and kept thanking me for showing her the venue, how it was romantic etc. I then joked by asking her if she wanted to meet again, or if 2 dates were enough. She responded with 'I will let you know once I am back, if that is ok? ' and that she is off to bed. After the first date she was a lot more direct about meeting up again. So yeah, I don't know what on earth to think. Thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 Ok the ball's in her court now. Back up a bit and wait for her to contact you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaggerJim Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 Well I personally wouldn't be waiting around for her answer. I'd keep dating others, and if she shows back up on the radar fine, but she would have to contact me. Her response wasn't very interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeahyeahyeah Posted March 25, 2017 Author Share Posted March 25, 2017 Well I personally wouldn't be waiting around for her answer. I'd keep dating others, and if she shows back up on the radar fine, but she would have to contact me. Her response wasn't very interested. That's why I joked by saying 'is 2 dates enough for you' to find out if she was interested or not. All I got was she will check once she is back. I don't get it, if she wasn't interested why did she spend the whole night with her tongue down my throat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeahyeahyeah Posted March 25, 2017 Author Share Posted March 25, 2017 Ok the ball's in her court now. Back up a bit and wait for her to contact you. Ok sure. I will do this. If I hear nothing in say a weeks time , should I throw away the number? Or contact her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dahl Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 if she wasn't interested why did she spend the whole night with her tongue down my throat. Perhaps you came across as needy and sanctimonious with your 'jokes' and she's trying to get away from you by turning you down delicately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeahyeahyeah Posted March 25, 2017 Author Share Posted March 25, 2017 Perhaps you came across as needy and sanctimonious with your 'jokes' and she's trying to get away from you by turning you down delicately. Why does it matter if someone is a bit needy when we are clearly interested in each other? With My ex I was just as needy, but she was too and we dated. Too much game playing, when it should be as simple as two people liking each other. We have loads in common and she told me that she enjoyed our date tonight. Anyway don't plan to text her again over the weekend unless she contacts me first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dahl Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Why does it matter if someone is a bit needy.. Because this could cause her to become disinclined toward pursuing any contact with you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dahl Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 With My ex I was just as needy, but she was too Too much game playing, when it should be as simple as two people liking each other. Anyway don't plan to text her again over the weekend unless she contacts me first. Why so passive-aggressive? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt3939 Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 I'm a bit if I ask I'll tell you or if I ask a question I'd like an answer. I think you stated the question well. Plus you did it twice. It was a yes or no. You put it in her court. I'd leave it and see if she conacts you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherrySher Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 An answer like that is not great from a woman's point point of view. It's like she's not sure. Maybe the make out session wasn't as good for her as you thought? It really is a cold-ish answer to give if she supposedly had such a good time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeahyeahyeah Posted March 25, 2017 Author Share Posted March 25, 2017 Perhaps you came across as needy and sanctimonious with your 'jokes' and she's trying to get away from you by turning you down delicately. Why so passive-aggressive? Because it frankly annoys me when people play all these silly games to maintain interest from being a guy that doesn't like to waste time and just get on with it. As you can see I'm extremely direct when dating girls, and it was only after doing that and ditching the game playing (waiting 2 days to text her etc) I started getting anywhere with dating as a whole. If you start off game playing it sets the precedence for the tone of the relationship, where the girl will leave you as soon as you stop behaving that way. That happened with my first GF. I've been on two dates with this girl, so we should be past this point now if she likes me. If you are right and it turns out that she's put off because I conveyed a lot of interest on a night where we were making out all night (what did she expect?), then I will just find someone else to date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeahyeahyeah Posted March 25, 2017 Author Share Posted March 25, 2017 An answer like that is not great from a woman's point point of view. It's like she's not sure. Maybe the make out session wasn't as good for her as you thought? It really is a cold-ish answer to give if she supposedly had such a good time. Yeah, hence why I'm confused, she kept telling me on the date that I was an amazing kisser to the point she kept on kissing me when I wasn't kissing her how she really enjoyed the evening leaving me confused. I interpreted what she said how you did. That's why I asked her again, I know from experience girls who are not interested in taking it further would just tell me flat out something along the lines of 'had a great time, but I can't see a future', she never said that but if she isn't I would rather her be direct about it and not waste my time with false hope. So maybe she genuinely is busy? Lately I was thinking that maybe she said that because she didn't want to come across as too easy? What a mind . I think I will not text her now, just get on with things and wait for her to get back to me. To be honest, I'm a bit put off right now, It's v important for me to be seeing someone who knows what they want otherwise it's a waste of energy and time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManyDates Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 She's gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jibralta Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Despite the fun she had, she really may not be sure if she wants to date you, and that's the best answer she can give right now. You're a "maybe." So, I do agree that this could be a waste of time for you. And I agree with others that you should move on. Perhaps your paths will cross again in the future, when you are both in the same place relationship-wise. Or not. Either way, no sense getting worked up over the fact that she's "playing games." It may not be anything so sinister--she really may just be noncommittal and indecisive, and therefore a bad match for you. As for looking or being needy, I wouldn't worry about it. We are who we are, and we should have partners who love us, warts and all. No sense hiding it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManyDates Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 As for looking or being needy, I wouldn't worry about it. We are who we are, and we should have partners who love us, warts and all. No sense hiding it. Great advice for your long term boyfriend or husband, terrible advice for a clingy guy about to blow up a girls phone trying to get a 3rd date and ending up ghosted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeahyeahyeah Posted March 25, 2017 Author Share Posted March 25, 2017 Great advice for your long term boyfriend or husband, terrible advice for a clingy guy about to blow up a girls phone trying to get a 3rd date and ending up ghosted. It's not about clinginess, it's about knowing what you want and going for it. Kissing someone, being excessively complimentary and giving them the impression that you are really into them is not nice when you are not. It's the mixed signals that bothers me. If the girl flat out tells me 'don't think we are compatible enough' I will respect that and leave it at that. And no I'm NOT going to blow up her phone. I have a lot more self respect than that. I've not written to her today - I can kill contact if I really wanted too as well and have done so in the past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeahyeahyeah Posted March 25, 2017 Author Share Posted March 25, 2017 Despite the fun she had, she really may not be sure if she wants to date you, and that's the best answer she can give right now. You're a "maybe." So, I do agree that this could be a waste of time for you. And I agree with others that you should move on. Perhaps your paths will cross again in the future, when you are both in the same place relationship-wise. Or not. Either way, no sense getting worked up over the fact that she's "playing games." It may not be anything so sinister--she really may just be noncommittal and indecisive, and therefore a bad match for you. Crossed my mind to be honest, I thought to myself that I might have asked too soon for another date when she needs time to digest the second one. Basically moving to quick. I also thought that might not be what I'm looking for, my ex was a lot more direct about things which is what I like. I like decisive women, since you know where you stand sooner. As for looking or being needy, I wouldn't worry about it. We are who we are, and we should have partners who love us, warts and all. No sense hiding it. Even then it's normal behavior if you think about it, you've had a good date, you are excited to see the person again, and are telling the person that you would like to see them again. It's been 2 dates. What is wrong with trying to set up another date? It's not like I'm stalking the girl sending text messages every minute of the day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeahyeahyeah Posted March 25, 2017 Author Share Posted March 25, 2017 Ok the ball's in her court now. Back up a bit and wait for her to contact you. Will do this. Thanks Wiseman. If I don't hear anything in a week, will contact her and ask her out just to find out where I stand. At that point you have nothing to lose. I do have a feeling we will see each other again. There is some chemistry and compatibility. She would have said 'no' if she was not interested, where I know she likes me, it's about turning a maybe into a yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Unfortunately getting back in the dating game is fraught with this type of flakiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeahyeahyeah Posted March 25, 2017 Author Share Posted March 25, 2017 Unfortunately getting back in the dating game is fraught with this type of flakiness. Yeah, grass is not greener on the other side it seems. Since I last posted after my break up in November, been on 4 dates. This is my 4th. Many of the girls I've gone on dates with have been really crap self absorbed people to be honest who always want to call the shots. They make my ex look amazing. I like the girl in the original post, but the potential flakiness is a red flag. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dahl Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Have you tried to meet people through activity / experience based groups, such as Meetup? Perhaps if there is a fixed focal point around which to connect (biking in the park, sushi downtown, from what I understand, the possibilities are virtually innumerable), you will find dates more cognizant of what they want and what stage of dating they're committed to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeahyeahyeah Posted March 25, 2017 Author Share Posted March 25, 2017 Have you tried to meet people through activity / experience based groups, such as Meetup? Perhaps if there is a fixed focal point around which to connect (biking in the park, sushi downtown, from what I understand, the possibilities are virtually innumerable), you will find dates more cognizant of what they want and what stage of dating they're committed to. Not recently but was doing meet ups before online dating. I did go on one unsuccessful date through it, but generally found it requires a lot of time and energy to find people to date. You have to consistently go to meetups, and even then the same people do not attend every weeks. I also work 40+ hours a week so very tired generally. I know online works, I met my ex from the same site I met this current girl. We were together a year and a half. Like last time, it's probably going to end up being a brutal numbers game in the end. Took me 7 girls before I found my ex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dahl Posted March 25, 2017 Share Posted March 25, 2017 Not recently but was doing meet ups before online dating. I did go on one unsuccessful date through it, but generally found it requires a lot of time and energy to find people to date. You have to consistently go to meetups, and even then the same people do not attend every weeks. I also work 40+ hours a week so very tired generally. I know online works, I met my ex from the same site I met this current girl. We were together a year and a half. Like last time, it's going to end up being a brutal numbers game in the end. Took me 7 girls before I found my ex. I don't know how online dating works. I don't mean to sound condescending. I'm just trying to understand your position and spitball solutions. It does sound brutal. I wish you luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yeahyeahyeah Posted March 25, 2017 Author Share Posted March 25, 2017 I don't know how online dating works. I don't mean to sound condescending. I'm just trying to understand your position and spitball solutions. It does sound brutal. I wish you luck. You did not at all come across as condencending, nice to see that you are throwing out ideas. Appreciate the positivity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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