Dating younger guy 24 years difference

[Clio]

I am 50 yrs old dating a 26 yrs old guy. I never dated anyone with a 24 year difference. Any advice????????

 

If a 50 year old man can date a 26 old woman there should be no reason why you should be made to feel bad about it more than the other way around. You have no biological clock ticking so when it ends no harm done as long as you have kept a realistic perspective regarding the odds of the expiration date. Women can be much more self-sufficient than men emotionally-wise so even if you were to have trouble finding a new man once it ends, you will be no worse than a widow. Just make sure you are/remain financially self-sufficient and that you never invest emotionally in any of his big words/promises about the future.

 

The troubling thing I see about it based on the info you provided is him being an ex boyfriend of your step daughter and someone you knew as a minor. Going against the age double standard is one thing, adding two more taboos to the mix seems going over the top. Are you sure you can take on the public outcry? It's probably going to get very ugly once this affair gets out in the open. You already get a taste of it here, but it could get much worse and being from people you know will probably feel a lot worse.

[abitbroken]

I never cheated on my husband of 20 years......I am not cheating now in my boyfriends eyes he said my husband broke the bonds of marriage when he starting chatting with this girl in the Phillipians 2 years ago and then he went to see her in January. I am not a cliche MILF......lol thats funny.

 

The fact is, just because your boyfriend "perceives" your husband to have broken the bonds of marriage...you are not only legally married but your husband is still living with you. I mean, the guys not even out the door.. ANY man who is willing to date a woman who is legally bound to another man and ESPECIALLY one that is still living with said man doesn't have a high moral compass. He is using his opinion to justify his bad behavior. If he were an upstanding man and said "Let's cool off. Look me up after you are divorced, etc" then that's another matter. There is a good chance once things get real - divorce is final, or he gets caught by your husband - then he's going to bail.

 

I would not want to be the fly on the wall when the crap hits the fan when stepdaughter finds out who you are dating. Its not even the fact that they dated but the fact that he is a classmate of hers, etc. Do you value the relationship with her, or are you just going to write her off after the divorce? Divorces are a sensitive time and I guarantee you have sealed the deal in not remaining in her life when she finds that out.

 

As far as kids, your boyfriend could be saying what he thinks you want to hear to continue the unattached sex.

 

btw, how are you dating him if you have to sneak around husband and step daughter? Are you meeting him in another town? Sneaking into a van for sex? what?

[Clio]

P.S. Your boyfriend's choice to go after you IS something to be wary of. e.g. You do not provide any information regarding his financial situation. Financial exploitation is another thing to be wary about - Basically all the things you would wonder about had this relationship happened to someone you knew.

[Jeffbobo]

As far as kids, your boyfriend could be saying what he thinks you want to hear to continue the unattached sex.

 

We have a bingo! This *whole* situation, including your still current husband is so unbelievably messed up...

 

I don't believe in large age gap relationships; male older, female older, whatever the arrangement. I simply find it very selfish of the person who is older to deprive that younger person of all the life experiences that they themselves have had. Especially if they're in the early to mid twenties. You may say that you're not forcing that younger person but they honestly don't really have a clue of the experiences and life journey that they'd be missing out on. As an older person, you should be wise enough to understand this. But alas, this *is* the age gap relationships thread...

[ImYoPusher]

I'm 21 years 4 days older than my man. Like you, I was married a long time (16 years), but I spilt totally from my ex husband. I would caution you getting advice from people who have never experienced this kind of relationship. Most aren't going to be able to understand it and are only going to judge it.

 

Yes, I knew him when he was a teenager, but never had any feelings for him then. I looked at him and saw a kid. He went off to college and the next time I saw him he was a man; looked totally different to me, but still it never came to mind to pursue him. Some years later in Oct 2014, he approached me and began to pursue me. I thought why not? He's gorgeous and I wouldn't mind having a fling with him. Things just didn't work out that way though. We didn't actually become intimate until after we began to develop feelings for each other and began thinking that maybe fwb wasn't what we wanted. The feelings really did come fast and I fell in love with him before I knew it. People always want to say that those with big age gaps don't have anything in common but we talk like crazy to each other; we don't just sit and look at each other with nothing to talk about. I talk to him more than I ever did to my ex husband, who was only 7 yrs older than me.

 

We've been together since Oct 2014 and are engaged. From my point of view, I'm going to love him despite what anyone else says or thinks. If a younger woman catches his eye and he decides to leave me for her, then so be it but I'm not going to live life with him worried about what might happen. I know for a fact that his man loves me and he treats me with respect. THAT is what matters; not your age gap.

 

In a society where love comes in all combinations, it's disheartening to see so many that think it's okay to judge it. Men can marry and have relationships with other men; women can marry women; polyamory; tall people with short people; different races and ethnicities......so what so hard to understand about an older woman and younger man loving each other? Hell, men have been doing it for thousands of years. People need to just get over themselves.

 

So ask yourself am I happy? Do I feel loved and respected? If so, keep doing what you're doing and don't worry about the haters.

[ImYoPusher]

He actually brought it up. I know it was fast to talk about it but the situation came up and that is what he said.

 

In relationships like this, kids need to be discussed early on because IVF is a real option.

[ImYoPusher]

I am 50 yrs old dating a 26 yrs old guy. We been dating each other for a couple months things are great between us. He told me he will always be there for me. I have know him for many years but we connected just a couple months ago. I never dated anyone with a 24 year difference. Any advice????????

 

My man is 21 yrs 4 days younger than me so I know what you're going through. In the beginning I would get online and try to find as much as I could about this kind of relationship and there's not much. Most things focus on celebrities but I did read a lot about how to tell if you're really in love or if it's just infatuation. Well it's been nearly three years that we have been together and it's hands down the healthiest/best relationship I've had. We connect despite the age difference. My family has met him; I've met his family. All of our friends know we are together. If this man loves you and respects you, stay with him. Haters will always hate.

[ImYoPusher]

Yeah- and this is often a sign of red flags.. speaking of things such as this so early on in the relationship.. way too serious.

Too much, too soon...

 

I'm in a similar situation and you really do have to talk about kids early. Just practically speaking, because IVF is still a possibility. Not to mention, he needs to face reality sooner rather than later. My RE says uteruses don't age....

[ImYoPusher]

Yea I know but it truly wasn't anything like that. My now boyfriend had messaged me just to see how things were going on in the family and I had said ok....He knows I never say ok unless something is wrong and when I told him what was happening he started telling me how he truly felt about me and we messaged and talked for awhile then we went to the next level. This is just out of my element and I was just seeing what other people experienced with such a big age difference. I know my husband will hit the roof but I truly don't care anymore about him. I just want to get a divorce but he is stalling. Thinks he can have both of us well that's not happening.

 

My ex husband "hit the roof" when he found out my new man was 21 years younger. No one expected it to work but it's going on three years and we've set a date to get married. Anyway, I don't even think about my ex or any other man for that matter. Don't let it bother you.

[ImYoPusher]

Sorry, you're just him finishing off a fantasy he had as a teenager / revenge served well and truly cold.

 

You're vulnerable because of the divorce. This isn't heading anywhere. It might be fun for a while, but in the end you're not going to be end game.

 

No one can truly say your relationship is going nowhere. I'm 47; my man is 26. We've been together 2.5 years......that's a long time to be "finishing off a fantasy".

[ImYoPusher]

But, Im wondering what 'experience' has he got relationship wise. Not his degree's in Schooling.

 

Do you know his longest relationship?

 

When YOU were involved over 20 yrs.. and are way ahead of him with experience.

 

Just saying.. Do take it easy here. Don't jump in with both feet with this one.

 

That's actually a bonus with younger men. They come with a lot less baggage than a 40 yr old man and they aren't as jaded as older men.

[ImYoPusher]

PLEASE upload this to YouTube if it happens. I could then die happy right then and there.

 

I'm 21 years older than my man. We've been living together since December 2014. All of our friends and know we're together. We've hosted dinners and invite everyone. So it's not as strange as you may think. Our relationship is like any other couple. The only difference is that I'm older.....we are experiencing life together, so why would you think we'd have nothing in common or nothing to talk about? We've met other couples like us and they're just regular normal folks.

[j.man]

I'm 21 years older than my man. We've been living together since December 2014. All of our friends and know we're together. We've hosted dinners and invite everyone. So it's not as strange as you may think. Our relationship is like any other couple. The only difference is that I'm older.....we are experiencing life together, so why would you think we'd have nothing in common or nothing to talk about? We've met other couples like us and they're just regular normal folks.

Did your man previously date your daughter?

 

I'm not sure you want to use this situation as a "you go gurl!" moment.

[SherrySher]

I am an older woman and I can't get my head around what a twenty something would have to offer me. Sex..and then what? I'd be bored crapless. There is no way a twenty something guy can be in any kind of intellect level that I am looking for, and distinguishment comes with age (which I find very attractive).I am not talking grandpa age, but middle aged.

I am raising a son, I don't need/want another boy to raise and I can't see how any of these younger guys could have the maturity I personally would want.

Don't get me wrong, not all older men are worth it, most haven't matured past the age of 25 nevermind! But the one that has and has life experience and intellect...yes!! No 20 something could compare.

 

Just saying my two cents. Besides the fact that I wouldn't want my step daughters left overs...ew.

[boltnrun]

So yes, IVF is an option. And that means, even if the OP got pregnant by IVF TODAY, she'd be 69 when the child graduates high school and 73 when the child graduates college.

 

Is that fair to do to a child?

 

I cannot even imagine having a child at that age (I'm almost the same age), but I guess if it's what you want then never mind about any future consequences.

[ImYoPusher]

So yes, IVF is an option. And that means, even if the OP got pregnant by IVF TODAY, she'd be 69 when the child graduates high school and 73 when the child graduates college.

 

Is that fair to do to a child?

 

I cannot even imagine having a child at that age (I'm almost the same age), but I guess if it's what you want then never mind about any future consequences.

 

That's their choice isn't it?

[boltnrun]

That's their choice isn't it?

 

Of course!

[ImYoPusher]

Did your man previously date your daughter?

 

I'm not sure you want to use this situation as a "you go gurl!" moment.

 

I'm not saying you go girl but I am saying that relationships between older women and younger men aren't different than any other relationship between two adults and you can't live your life doing what other people think is right or okay.

[j.man]

I'm not saying you go girl but I am saying that relationships between older women and younger men aren't different than any other relationship between two adults and you can't live your life doing what other people think is right or okay.

Again, I don't think you're doing the cause much justice adopting this particular scenario.

 

Personally, I don't really care much about the age difference. If you're consenting adults, you do you. But banging someone who was 1) a kid when you first knew them and 2) dated your daughter is, at the very least, ****ing weird and shouldn't be conflated with the bare notion of older women and younger men dating.

[Krankor]

I'm not saying you go girl but I am saying that relationships between older women and younger men aren't different than any other relationship between two adults and you can't live your life doing what other people think is right or okay.

They've studied three relationship dynamics--man older, woman older, and couples around the same age--and found that of the three types the one with the lowest survival rates is older woman. If you are an older woman with a younger man time is just not on your side. The same could be said for an older man with a younger woman but those types of relationships have better survival rates. That's why whenever a woman posts about dating a younger guy, (10+ years) my advice is usually "Have fun, but just realize it probably won't last." You may make it 2, 3, 4, or even 5 years but 10 or more is unlikely.

 

I'm not trying to cast dispersions on or be negative about your relationship with your boyfriend. I hope things work out and there are always exceptions. I'm just speaking in general terms.

 

And yes, this situation is a weird, creepy, slightly inappropriate one. I hadn't realized it completely when I left my first response.

[Salty]

"he always had a super crush on me when he was dating my step daughter.

 

Jesus.

Hahahahahahaha hot! I would never do this personally but to each their own.

[Salty]

I have female friends who are genuinely attracted to much older men, I'm talking geezers here and I have male friends who just genuinely like much older women. I think all women are beautiful so don't let people make you feel weird about this. Just see where it goes and have fun.

[sotiredofit]

50 is probably going to be your peak as far as middle-age appearances go. It's highly likely you're filling a niche for him now that you won't be able to continue filling at 60.

 

Wow! sexist much???

 

Very superficial too..implying that a woman isn't attractive once she's past 50.

 

I'm going to be 50 in June and I'm a model. I get paid to pose. People tell me I look like I'm in my 30s.

 

Maybe check your biases, there.

[sotiredofit]

I have female friends who are genuinely attracted to much older men, I'm talking geezers here and I have male friends who just genuinely like much older women. I think all women are beautiful so don't let people make you feel weird about this. Just see where it goes and have fun.

 

Thank you for countering that awful sexist, judgmental comment to try to make her feel like she should be put out to pasture, simply because she's 50. I'm so tired of men with attitudes like that.

[sotiredofit]

That's actually a bonus with younger men. They come with a lot less baggage than a 40 yr old man and they aren't as jaded as older men.

 

 

OMG that's so true. I was just dating a guy only a few years younger than me (I'm 49), and we ended it yesterday because he was so burned by a previous breakup, that he can't fall in love with anyone. He was totally emotionally unavailable.

 

I had a year long rel'ship with a guy 20 years younger than me, and it was great. We got along well. Sex was great. No drama.

 

The only problem is that he wanted the option to have kids and I couldn't give him that. So we had to part.