Boyfriend gets very angry if I mention his ex, is this normal?

[thornz]

I'm not surprised you're bf reacts angrily to your obsession with his ex. I am finding your preoccupation extremely irritating myself and that is in ten minutes of reading this thread, let alone 5 months of incessant nagging.

 

Why he has put up with it I have no idea. Honestly I feel you should end things with him and seek therapy about this so that you can go on to find a healthier relationship. I don't believe you will stop obsessing about his ex and you will soon be his next ex because he won't be able to stand your company for anticipation that you will ruin your time together by bringing up his ex.

 

Your thinking/behaviour is unhealthy. I hope you can appreciate that.

[Loralora]

I'm not surprised you're bf reacts angrily to your obsession with his ex. I am finding your preoccupation extremely irritating myself and that is in ten minutes of reading this thread, let alone 5 months of incessant nagging.

 

Why he has put up with it I have no idea. Honestly I feel you should end things with him and seek therapy about this so that you can go on to find a healthier relationship. I don't believe you will stop obsessing about his ex and you will soon be his next ex because he won't be able to stand your company for anticipation that you will ruin your time together by bringing up his ex.

 

Your thinking/behaviour is unhealthy. I hope you can appreciate that.

 

I already had stopped, his frequent car accidents got me thinking again.

 

I'm not 100% sure that's why he had the accident, It was just a worry of mine. The accident could have happened because he had worked 12hours that day and after instead of going home to rest he went to play football for 3 more hours. Then in the next morning he got up early to go have coffee with a friend he didn't even sleep late to rest eventhough he had the day off from work, and that was the morning he got in the car accident. I told him he's being self destructive by never resting.

 

But he describes himself as always being this hyperactive and these two tinmes are the first times in his life he got in car accidents.

 

We don't see each other everyday because I have to study, so he doesn't always get to spend his free time with me, I still haven't seen him since the fight. We just talked on the phone.

I'll see him tomorrow and act like it never happened.

 

Anyway I have already stopped, unless he mentiones her again I have no reason to do so.

[ParisPaulette]

The accident could have happened because he had worked 12 hours that day and after instead of going home to rest he went to play football for 3 more hours. Then in the next morning he got up early to go have coffee with a friend he didn't even sleep late to rest even though he had the day off from work, and that was the morning he got in the car accident. I told him he's being self destructive by never resting.

 

Gee, ya think. Seriously, I'd break up with this a***ole simply and only for the fact he is putting other people's lives in danger by driving when he's tired. He's a danger to others just as much as if he'd had a six-pack and then decided to go for a drive.

 

Seriously, why are you with someone like that who will happily put other people's lives at risk, because they're too dumb to get some sleep and then drive? This makes me furious just to read. I lost one friend to a drunk driver, and last week nearly got hit by someone who'd fallen asleep at the wheel. It's absolutely not acceptable when people do things like that.

 

My advice now is to walk away, not because of his ex, but because he's careless to the point of being a danger to himself and others. And what you describe? Yeah, there's why he's had two accidents. I think you should report him to the cops for that, personally. I'd have turned him in.

[thornz]

Gee, ya think. Seriously, I'd break up with this a***ole simply and only for the fact he is putting other people's lives in danger by driving when he's tired. He's a danger to others just as much as if he'd had a six-pack and then decided to go for a drive.

 

Seriously, why are you with someone like that who will happily put other people's lives at risk, because they're too dumb to get some sleep and then drive? This makes me furious just to read. I lost one friend to a drunk driver, and last week nearly got hit by someone who'd fallen asleep at the wheel. It's absolutely not acceptable when people do things like that.

 

My advice now is to walk away, not because of his ex, but because he's careless to the point of being a danger to himself and others. And what you describe? Yeah, there's why he's had two accidents. I think you should report him to the cops for that, personally. I'd have turned him in.

 

Good points, it's quite disgusting to treat your body that way and endanger others. Dump and report, though I'm not sure what can be done, if it's even a crime, and how you would prove any wrongdoing.

[boltnrun]

It's certainly too late now, but in the US you can call a toll-free number to report potentially impaired drivers using their license plate number and make and model and color of their vehicle.

 

I hope he didn't run someone else over or crash into another vehicle when he got into his two accidents caused by his insistence on playing football instead of doing the reasonable thing and getting some rest.

[TheRawTruth]

His angry reactions COULD be a sign that he's not over her, OR it could just be him getting ANNOYED because you keep bringing her UP. If you live in the past, how can you possibly focus on your future? You guys go out for coffee, you bring up his ex. Dude gets in an accident, he must be depressed over his ex. You guys have sex, he must be thinking of his ex. He wants to rent a movie, it must star his ex's favorite actor. I mean COME ON!

 

At some point you have to stop over-analyzing the PAST and understand, HE'S WITH YOU! Why does his ex MATTER? I mean I could see if he told you he did all these things for his ex when THEY were together but he won't do half of those things for YOU. I could see you saying "Well you did it for Maria" (either to make a point or even out of jealousy). But to bring her up constantly for NO LEGIT REASON? I don't understand.

 

Honestly, what he SHOULD do, is say "OK. You wanna know about my ex? This is your ONE CHANCE. Ask me EVERYTHING YOU GOT! Get it ALL OUT. Ask me her shoe size, her parents names, her favorite song. Whatever. You seem obsessed with her, so ASK ME ANYTHING! But once I ANSWER, and this conversation is done, NEVER EVER BRING HER UP AGAIN. This is your ONE SHOT. So make it good."

 

At that point, you get all your questions out, he stops being so secretive, and neither of you has to be bothered by it EVER AGAIN. It's pretty simple.

[Loralora]

Wow...no I wouldn't report my boyfriend. He didn't put in danger anyone he's more of a risk to himself. He's a doctor and helps people every day. If he doesn't change his life style he will ruen himself.

 

He now has no car cause he ruend both. I told him not to drive in a couple of a months even if his cars get fixed fast. I also told him even if he had a car he needs to drive as little as possible (if he'll listen to me). Since we live in the city he doesn't really need a car anyway.

 

In the first accident he crushed into a huge truck that stopped into the middle of the road. The court found both drivers guilty.

 

In the second accident a car crashed into him but he didn't see it fast enough to get out of the way.

 

I'm over his ex as long as he doesn't mention her or give me a big reason to mention her (a reason as big as him contacting her again).

 

Thanks everyone for your advice.

[Seraphim]

Having car accidents IS ENDANGERING OTHER PEOPLE. Also a doctor he can make medical mistakes when that tired and ENDANGER people.

[Loralora]

Also a doctor he can make medical mistakes when that tired and ENDANGER people.

yea I have told him this also..

[katrina1980]

After read this entire thead, I for one do not think he is over his ex. Not by a long shot. You know this too which is why you continue to badger him about it. Your gut is screaming something is off and instead of ending it and finding a man who has no ghosts of the past haunting his waking and maybe even sleeping moments and who loves and is devoted to you, you stay and attempt to control by badgering him and acting like his mother.

 

The fact he has no desire to have sex with you is also a BIG red flag. I also agree with PPaulette and others that he is behaving extremely irresponsibly by getting behind the wheel being as tired and run down as he gets, putting himself and OTHERS at serious risk.. And who knows what else, as a doctor he obviously has easy access to meds and he would not be the first med professional to get hooked on prescription drugs. This would explain the lack of sexual desire too.

 

He may be a successful doctor but he sounds like a mess. Who is not over his ex, and doesn't love you. Why are you still with him? Let me guess, you love him. Arghh, not a good enough reason, given everything you mentioned in this thread about him.

[Loralora]

After read this entire thead, I for one do not think he is over his ex. Not by a long shot. You know this too which is why you continue to badger him about it. Your gut is screaming something is off and instead of ending it and finding a man who has no ghosts of the past haunting his waking and maybe even sleeping moments and who loves and is devoted to you, you stay and attempt to control by badgering him and acting like his mother.

 

The fact he has no desire to have sex with you is also a BIG red flag. I also agree with PPaulette and others that he is behaving extremely irresponsibly by getting behind the wheel being as tired and run down as he gets, putting himself and OTHERS at serious risk.. And who knows what else, as a doctor he obviously has easy access to meds and he would not be the first med professional to get hooked on prescription drugs. This would explain the lack of sexual desire too.

 

He may be a successful doctor but he sounds like a mess. Who is not over his ex, and doesn't love you. Why are you still with him? Let me guess, you love him. Arghh, not a good enough reason, given everything you mentioned in this thread about him.

 

I hope he is over her, because if I knew for sure he wasn't I wouldn't continue staying with him. He hasn't done anything specific that tells me he isn't over her..

 

Does he not telling me I love you yet mean he isn't over her? Isn't he supposed to say he loves me by now?

 

He had told me "I care about you" in the very beginning, but I thought he did that just so I would start dating him. When he said it we were only going out as friends.

 

Actually I don't think I love him yet...I care about him...but I still can't tell him "I love you".

 

Maybe the "I love you's" come after sex? My ex said it to me after a month even though we never had sex..

 

The reason we don't have sex is because of our culture and premarital sex is frowned upon in our culture (especially for women).

 

I am the one postponing sex not him since I am still a virgin and I didn't want to lose my virginity until I am a little bit more sure he is the one..

 

I'm thinking about having sex soon, that might bring us closer together..and I'm tired of staying a virgin...none of my friends are anymore...I'm tired of being a "good girl" and of all of this "cultural" crap...I'm starting not to even care if we have sex and break up anymore...before I used to think it was tragic having sex with a guy and not marrying them.

 

Besides nobody believes there are 27 year old virgins still in the world haha..not even here my country...everybody thinks I've done it already..

[katrina1980]

Okay that explains no sex, how is everything else? Do you kiss, cuddle, do other physical things to express your feelings for each other? Do you laugh, have fun, are you 'there' for each other emotionally other than you nagging (sorry but that word is appropriate in this situation) him about his ex, his lack of sleep and his behavior in general?

 

To me, the words 'I love you' don't matter as much as his actions do. His actions seem dismissive from what you wrote. And emotionally secretive. He's hiding something from you, does not sound like he trusts you emotionally. He may feel judged by you.

 

That is what I get from reading this. For your sake I hope I am wrong, but no matter what it is, stop badgering about ex or anything else. I may get flack for this but men like to feel they are your 'hero'. If you can make him feel like he is your hero, rather than badgering and nagging, you will have him.

[Loralora]

Okay that explains no sex, how is everything else? Do you kiss, cuddle, do other physical things to express your feelings for each other? Do you laugh, have fun, are you 'there' for each other emotionally other than you nagging (sorry but that word is appropriate in this situation) him about his ex, his lack of sleep and his behavior in general?

 

To me, the words 'I love you' don't matter as much as his actions do. His actions seem dismissive from what you wrote. And emotionally secretive. He's hiding something from you, does not sound like he trusts you emotionally. He may feel judged by you.

 

That is what I get from reading this. For your sake I hope I am wrong, but no matter what it is, stop badgering about ex or anything else. I may get flack for this but men like to feel they are your 'hero'. If you can make him feel like he is your hero, rather than badgering and nagging, you will have him.

 

Yes we do kiss often, hug often, he always holds my hand when we're together, he is understanding and nice. He doesn't say harsh words to me like my ex did. We do foreplay but no actual sex; that's why I said "good" girl...

We laugh when we're togethet, we are pretty compatible..

 

I can't say his actions are dissmisive..

 

He is there for me...but it's still too soon to determine that I guess..we first became friends before we got in an actual relationship..

 

I won't mentiom his ex again...there's no use..

 

I saw him today he still seemed angry about the fight not smiley like usuall..

 

I'm not sure how to make him feel like he is my hero..

[katrina1980]

You can make him feel like he is your hero by making his experience with you positive, uplifting, sexy and fun. Let him know by your actions how important he is to you. Dont be needy and nagging. Accept him as is and trust him. The trust thing is huge, and to me this is why he is not feeling good now. He tells you he is over his ex but you don't believe him because you keep asking. This tells him you don't trust him, trust what he tells you is the truth.

 

For now leave him be. When or if he comes back, change your attitude. Trust him and accept him. You can worry about him but try not to act like his mother, he is a grown man, if he chooses to drive while mentally impaired (or anything else) that is his decision. If you don't like the decisions or choices he continues to make for himself, then break up with him. Your nagging or attempts to control won't change hm, your trust and acceptance might.

[Loralora]

You can make him feel like he is your hero by making his experience with you positive, uplifting, sexy and fun. Let him know by your actions how important he is to you. Dont be needy and nagging. Accept him as is and trust him. The trust thing is huge, and to me this is why he is not feeling good now. He tells you he is over his ex but you don't believe him because you keep asking. This tells him you don't trust him, trust what he tells you is the truth.

 

For now leave him be. When or if he comes back, change your attitude. Trust him and accept him. You can worry about him but try not to act like his mother, he is a grown man, if he chooses to drive while mentally impaired (or anything else) that is his decision. If you don't like the decisions or choices he continues to make for himself, then break up with him. Your nagging or attempts to control won't change hm, your trust and acceptance might.

 

Thank you for your advice, I will try..

[jujusamples]

I'm didn't read through the entire thread but I can't help but comment.

 

If I was your boyfriend (I know, good thing I'm not) and I got into an accident and all you could do is confront me about my ex? I would have been done with you.

 

I think you should consider some counselling on why you feel so jealous of his ex. It's not healthy and fair to your boyfriend. How did you know when is his ex's birthday? He's with you and not her. They broke up for a reason. I would really hate it if the person I'm dating keeps talking about my ex. I don't think I will keep needing a reminder. I think people like to move on, not backwards.