Boyfriend gets very angry if I mention his ex, is this normal?

[Jibralta]

Loralora, you need to back off, or you will ruin your relationship.

[j.man]

Consider this your intervention, Loralora.

[Loralora]

All of this "confronting" happend today.

 

I told him I won't mention her anymore but I don't think he believes me. He told me that's what you said last time.

 

But I really have no reason to mention her anymore..

 

I wrote here just to see what all of you think of his reaction.

Thank you everyone about your comments.

[Wiseman2]

Is this why you constantly ask about her?

He doesn't pressure me for sex. I'm pressuring myself. I think he is serious or he wouldn't stick around so long just to have sex with me. I asked do you miss sex he said "a little bit". I took that a bit as a warning that he might get it elsewhere.

[boltnrun]

All of this "confronting" happend today.

 

I told him I won't mention her anymore but I don't think he believes me. He told me that's what you said last time.

 

But I really have no reason to mention her anymore..

 

I wrote here just to see what all of you think of his reaction.

Thank you everyone about your comments.

 

" eventhough he told me a thousand times not to mention her I keep on mentioning her "

 

Doesn't sound like it was just "today" that you mentioned her. In your own words it was "a thousand times", yet you continue.

 

Are you trying to get him to go back to her? If not, why do you persist?

[Loralora]

Is this why you constantly ask about her?

 

No I know 100% he no longer keeps contact with her.

 

The reason I constantly ask about her is because before I started dating this guy we went out as friends/colleagues for awhile and at that time he showed interest in me but was still keeping contact with her. He had even told me he wasn't over her at that time that's why I insisted we go out as friends for some time, while he insisted we start something more eventhough he kept contact with her.

 

I made sure they had ended it for sure before I started an actual relationship with him.

 

I asked him did you wish her a happy birthday a week ago? He said no, "should I have sent her a birthday wish?" I was like well if you want to get back together yes...if not no...what kind of stupid question is that?

 

He did say my constant mentioning of her is making him think of the past..

 

Btw we still haven't had sex...

[j.man]

I asked him did you wish her a happy birthday a week ago? He said no, "should I have sent her a birthday wish?" I was like well if you want to get back together yes...if not no...what kind of stupid question is that?

Made me laugh on the train.

 

Dude, you asked the dumb question. His response was the only reasonable thing he could deduce from it other than assuming you were being insecure and literally asking whether he'd wished her a happy birthday or not.

 

And holy **** what's with you and this woman's birthday. I don't even care this much about my own mother's.

[journeynow]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5months.

 

He broke up with his ex and a year and a half ago. 7 months after they broke up we started dating.

 

I only go this far^, I'm stuck on the math….

[melancholy123]

What is wrong with you, girl? Cant you see you are sabotaging this relationship by bringing up his ex gf all the time? They broke up a long time ago, he's with you, and you seem to go out of your way to keep mentioning her whenever you can! Under what theory does this make sense to you? You need to stop bringing her up, she's old history. You will push him away if you dont stop.

[Capricorn3]

This entire thread leaves me almost speechless. I am almost dumbstruck ... have no words ....

 

OP, if this was someone else posting, what advice would YOU give them?

[Ms Darcy]

No he doesn't get enough sleep or rest.

 

He keeps himself super busy even when he doesn't work, he pays basketball or football he never stays home.

 

I told him he needs to get more rest and that he never stays home. To me it seems like he keeps himself overly busy so he doesn't let himself think about the past and his ex.

 

He even told me you're making me think and analize the past.

 

There is something very big that bothers him about the past. I don't know if he is over it...

I know he know he will.never be with her again, but he is very very saddened about the past.

 

I think you are wading into the arena of letting your insecurities trump any substantive concern for his health. You should be more concerned about his lack of rest/sleep than whether he's thinking of his ex.

 

And this is common sense.

[Loralora]

I only go this far^, I'm stuck on the math….

He and his ex broke up one year and a half ago. Actually she broke up with him.

He dated his ex for 4years.

 

We officialy started dating about 5months ago.

[Loralora]

I will not mention her again.

 

I wasn't planning on mentioning her, but after this car accident happened again for the second time in a row, in one month he getts in two car accidents, (the second accident happening especially on her bday), I had to ask him what is wrong with him.

 

His extreme reaction everytime I mentioned her got me worried that's why I had to ask about his reaction being abnormal on this thread.

 

He getts so hurt and sad and mad everytime I mention her that's why he got me thinking if he was over her or not.

I don't want to be with someone that still has feelings for his ex.

 

He's the one that doesn't let himself rest and get enough sleep. He always does a million things at once. I always tell him to slow down.

 

Maybe I have a hard time understanding his reaction since I don't care if he mentiones my ex or not. I even mention him sometimes. He probably hates this too but doesn't say it. I probably shouldn't mention my ex either.

 

He tried to get her back but couldn't. I think she was also pressuring him to get married and he wasn't ready and his family didn't like her. So there were a lot of issues. Also she had dated his best friend in the past. But he did try to get her back around the time he met me he was still trying to get her back.

 

I do not plan on mentioning her ever again. No good comes out of it. I just hope he's over it.

[Loralora]

This entire thread leaves me almost speechless. I am almost dumbstruck ... have no words ....

 

OP, if this was someone else posting, what advice would YOU give them?

 

Since I would not know too many details, I would probably give the same advice as you all gave me.

 

Either way there is no use in me ever mentioning her again.

 

Like someone else in this thread said, I should be more worried if he mentioned her....

 

He still keeps her on instagram...I don't know if that means anything...

[abitbroken]

He getts so hurt and sad and mad everytime I mention her that's why he got me thinking if he was over her or not.

I don't want to be with someone that still has feelings for his ex.

 

He acts mad because he is at the end of his rope. He is sooo aggravated that you are so obsessed with her - you kept asking about her and even admitted to looking up her birthday on Facebook. I absolutely do not believe you will never mention her again. If you do ask about her again, then I wouldn't blame him for dumping you honestly. He won't go back to her, but he doesn't want to be with someone who is constantly suspicious and obsessed. So if you want to save your relationship, don't just stop mentioning it, but block her so you can't see her on social media.

[abitbroken]

 

He still keeps her on instagram...I don't know if that means anything...

 

Do you ever stop?? I can follow anyone on Instagram who has a public profile. She could have followed him a few years back and because they don't interact, they don't even notice. Did you really go through every single one that has followed him to find her? You really need a hobby. Seriously.

[boltnrun]

What I can't get past is your insistence that you "had" to ask.

 

What would have happened if you'd controlled yourself and not asked? The world wouldn't have ended. Plus, your boyfriend wouldn't have been annoyed (exasperated, frustrated) with you for asking for the thousandth time if he has feelings for her. Especially after he'd been in an accident.

 

I just can't understand how you go from he got in a car accident to "he got in the accident because he has FEELINGS FOR HIS EX!!!111".

[Loralora]

I just can't understand how you go from he got in a car accident to "he got in the accident because he has FEELINGS FOR HIS EX!!!111".

 

Since it happened on her birthday...

 

Anyway I'm over it...

 

I can only hope he is too there is no use in mentioning it..

[Loralora]

Do you ever stop?? I can follow anyone on Instagram who has a public profile. She could have followed him a few years back and because they don't interact, they don't even notice. Did you really go through every single one that has followed him to find her? You really need a hobby. Seriously.

 

He only has 100 followers it wasn't hard haha...

 

They both have private profiles but follow each other from years back..

[abitbroken]

Since it happened on her birthday...

 

Anyway I'm over it...

 

I can only hope he is too there is no use in mentioning it..

 

its called coincidence.

 

Yes, he IS over his ex

But he probably hasn't let his guard down about your obsessive behavior. You have a long road to prove you have really gotten over it by not asking about her. A long one.

[abitbroken]

He only has 100 followers it wasn't hard haha...

 

They both have private profiles but follow each other from years back..

 

You won't stop, will you? If her profile is private, you can't see that he follows her back.

[Loralora]

You won't stop, will you? If her profile is private, you can't see that he follows her back.

 

Since I follow him and he follows me back I can see the people that follow him and those that he follows.

[Loralora]

its called coincidence.

 

Yes, he IS over his ex

But he probably hasn't let his guard down about your obsessive behavior. You have a long road to prove you have really gotten over it by not asking about her. A long one.

 

He never actually said yes I am over her. He just said stop talking about it.

 

And he hasn't told me he loves me yet. I haven't said it either. I don't know if he ever will.

My ex had said it after a month.

 

I agree that I have a long road to prove that I have gotten over it by not asking about her.

[boltnrun]

Since it happened on her birthday...

 

Anyway I'm over it...

 

I can only hope he is too there is no use in mentioning it..

 

So you're just totally 100% convinced that he got into an accident because he was thinking "It's my EX'S BIRTHDAY! I sure do still have feelings for her! Such strong feelings that oops! Didn't see that there red light/other car/concrete retaining wall/stop sign/lawn jockey!!!"

 

I mean, come on...can you see how ridiculous that is?

 

I guess not, because I can see you still think he got into the accident because he has feelings for her and that he gets mad when you mention her 1,000 times because he still loves her, NOT because he is just so tired of you bringing her up.

 

You say you're over it. I hope so, because there's no guarantee he won't give up and walk out on you when you bring her up for the 1,001st time.

[ParisPaulette]

You could just stop going out with the guy, voila no more worrying about the ex, problem solved.

 

Because honestly you care more about his ex than he does. No one normal wants to talk about their damned ex or exes. I will briefly sometimes on here to make a point, but my exes are not for the most part happy bunny memories and they aren't my favorite people - or they wouldn't be an ex now would they. Talk about an ex? Why? What's the point? So I think you're reading way too much into this and talking about her all the time, making that be the thing that your relationship is built on? He will get tired of you very soon, not because he's not over his ex, but because you aren't.

 

If you can't stop the obsession go talk to a therapist about what's behind this, because the "signs" you're seeing are a huge stretch. That you would even know it was his ex's birthday is scary, let alone come to the conclusion a car wreck was because of her.