Found a bikini pic of a girl on his phone

[hevtheanon]

Me and my partner have been together for 3 years. He is a little older than me, but I prefer that. He says he is madly in love with me, and I can tell and I do think I can trust him.. I say think as I am a very insecure person. Anyway, we recently went on holiday, it was great. He told me he'd never been so settled, so happy, and he also told his parents this and has done plenty of times.

On the Tuesday of our holiday, I went through his pics while he was in the bathroom, I came across a photo of a very pretty, slim girl, I obviously went mad, but it turned out his brother sent him it about something (he showed me the conversation) and he was unaware that whatsapp automatically saves photos to your phone. Anyway, today, I bring it up by saying "its not nice for me to find that on your phone please delete it" and he says "don't go through my phone then" and I said "its not nice" so he said that I should then speak to his brother about not sending stuff like that!? He clearly understood what I was saying.. I wanted him to delete the photo due to my insecurities about myself and the fact that its disrespectful to our relationship to have a photo of another girl like that on his phone! I would love to bring it up again and say have you deleted it, but I don't want to cause any more stress on myself as he's impossible to talk to. He's very hard faced that way and he knows how to get to me so I am almost protecting myself.

The point of this post is that is it "normal" for a man that already has an attractive loyal (Etc) girlfriend, to find other women attractive and not want to act up on it?

I don't know if this is some sort of mind game either if he likes to get to me, press my buttons... do all partners do that occasionally?

[j.man]

A loyal girlfriend doesn't invade her boyfriend's privacy. His brother sent him a picture, and a pretty tame one at that. Your boyfriend put it best. "Don't look at my phone."

 

And I don't know about anyone else, but I personally found this line to be pretty solid comedy:

"its not nice for me to find that on your phone please delete it"

 

Look, your insecurity isn't his to placate. Have you ever seen a therapist about it? The guy's not pushing your buttons. He's simply being put in a position that's so irrational that there's no reason-based approach he can take to it.

[HeartGoesOn]

What made you want to look through his phone?

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately he's right. His brother sent the pic, so?

 

This isn't about "slim girls in bikinis" it's about being jealous, controlling and insecure and only you can fix that. He'll delete it eventually.

 

Stop nagging him about it. Instead deal with your insecurities.

 

There are men and women everywhere and as long as you and he have a pulse you will find others attractive.

I bring it up by saying "its not nice for me to find that on your phone please delete it" and he says "don't go through my phone then" I wanted him to delete the photo due to my insecurities about myself .I would love to bring it up again

[SherrySher]

Oh come one now...his brother sent it!! And she was dressed. You are raking him over the coals for nothing and being far too insecure.

[rosephase]

You know there are slim girls in bikinis in the world. He sees them on tv, he sees them in movies, he sees them on the internet. Controlling what your partner looks at won't help our insecurity. It's asking him to do your work for you. You are the only person who can give yourself more security and asking your partner to limit his life for your comfort is a crappy way to treat someone you love.

[Matt3939]

I don't want to stir the pot but let me tell you. If you go onto his phone then you go to google.com. On the top there's an image tab. From there you can literally find any photo of anything (on his phone) good luck with this info. Even Alfred was pissed off at batman for possessing such a weapon.

[RainyCoast]

no disrespect, but with utter bluntness, you are acting like a bit of a whacko.

 

when did he say he found her attractive?? and if he did?? there are attractive people everywhere which doesn't make him unappreciative of you. he wasn't pursuing anyone. was he asking his brother for chick pics?

 

what is it with the very slim attractive label? do you have weight insecurities? so, you assume he likes rake thin why if he is obviously into you? would you be appeased if it were an obese woman???

 

you say he acts lovingly and you trust him and then you snoop as he takes a dump.

 

and really, it's wrong of him to have his brother's messages in his phone which may upset you when you snoop behind his back? really? he isn't remotely in the wrong here. it's you. and that you get so upset at him over your own insecurity is way over the top.

 

you really could use a reality check, unless you're trying to get dumped. hope you start therapy.

[Betterwithout]

I once found a picture of a man wearing a tight speedo bathing suit on my wifes phone. We are now divorced. Totally unacceptable.

[J Miracle]

If you think this bikini picture is bad, wait til you see the porn we men watch. Swear, no clothes at all!

[melancholy123]

You went "mad" when you saw the photo? Seriously that's a jump to conclusions over reaction. Then you find out the whole story, that his bro sent it to him for a reason, and yet you are so freaked out about it. You need to work on addressing your insecurities or this guy will be long gone.

[Wiseman2]

Good call...

I once found a picture of a man wearing a tight speedo bathing suit on my wifes phone. We are now divorced.

 

]

[katrina1980]

Me and my partner have been together for 3 years. He is a little older than me, but I prefer that. He says he is madly in love with me, and I can tell and I do think I can trust him.. I say think as I am a very insecure person. Anyway, we recently went on holiday, it was great. He told me he'd never been so settled, so happy, and he also told his parents this and has done plenty of times.

On the Tuesday of our holiday, I went through his pics while he was in the bathroom, I came across a photo of a very pretty, slim girl, I obviously went mad, but it turned out his brother sent him it about something (he showed me the conversation) and he was unaware that whatsapp automatically saves photos to your phone. Anyway, today, I bring it up by saying "its not nice for me to find that on your phone please delete it" and he says "don't go through my phone then" and I said "its not nice" so he said that I should then speak to his brother about not sending stuff like that!? He clearly understood what I was saying.. I wanted him to delete the photo due to my insecurities about myself and the fact that its disrespectful to our relationship to have a photo of another girl like that on his phone! I would love to bring it up again and say have you deleted it, but I don't want to cause any more stress on myself as he's impossible to talk to. He's very hard faced that way and he knows how to get to me so I am almost protecting myself.

The point of this post is that is it "normal" for a man that already has an attractive loyal (Etc) girlfriend, to find other women attractive and not want to act up on it?

I don't know if this is some sort of mind game either if he likes to get to me, press my buttons... do all partners do that occasionally?

 

Good god, no wonder so many men have a fear of relationships/commitment these days. YOUR insecurity is NOT 'his' issue to deal with, it's yours, if your 'that' insecure that you become this unhinged because his brother sent him a photo of a girl in a bikini, GET HELP, otherwise you will drive him away with your neurosis and any man you get involved with.

[ParisPaulette]

In this case this is much ado about nothing. I get why you're worried, but you need to take a few deep breaths and look at this logically for a minute. It is one thing if this was a girl, a real live girl like a work colleague, an ex, someone he met on Facebook, sending him that pic. Or worse, one with no clothes on. Then, yeah I'm all for rain down fire and brimstone then dump 'em. I've been there, my last ex had pics all over his phone of live women, real women, with no clothes on. I'd have been thrilled if they'd been wearing a bikini and had just been some airbrushed model.

 

BUT in this case this is simply a bro sending a pic, and a pretty harmless one at that. Your boyfriend probably didn't think any more of it than I do when I see those Ambercrombie and Fitch billboards with the hot young men without shirts on. You notice the scenery and move on, because really who cares. I like looking at sunsets more personally.

 

The difference here is this is an innocuous picture and while I know you're afraid it might lead to some not so innocent ones on your BF's phone he hasn't given you any indications that would be the case, right? And you can't be so insecure that you get upset every time he sees, looks, notices or otherwise has an image of a pretty girl tossed up in his face - because in our society that happens a ton. Like all the time.

 

This is where I'm going to urge you to make sure you have your own life, your own accomplishments, your own friends and you understand all of life is not and should not be tied to the approval of one guy, who is the only thing you have going for yourself. And I'm a bit suspicious that's what this is, so take it as a wake up call you need a life outside of this guy. Because everyone, frankly, does.

 

It's time to apologize to your boyfriend, tell him you overreacted, and then go get the hottest bikini you can find out there to wear to the pool/beach/vacation with him this summer. Trust me, that girl pic on his phone will be forgotten in a nanosecond. Don't worry about it. Time and growth will help with the insecurities. So will doing something kick*ss like climbing a mountain or running marathons or whatever it is that makes you feel like a million bucks that isn't tied to anyone's approval, but rather what your own heart and mind and soul can create and do. Jealousy tends to fly out the window really quickly when you have something like that to hold on to, because it's all yours, no matter how great someone else looks in a bikini.

[Snny]

Good call...

 

]

 

HOW DID YOU GUYS KNOW I ONLY WATCH CHINESE SWIMMING?! OMG ENA STAY THE HELL OFF MY PHONE!!!

 

]

[SherrySher]

Is your husband/bf aware of this Ms. Snny? That is obscene.

[Longview01]

Are you going to tell him what kind of conversations he can have with people next?

[Snny]

Is your husband/bf aware of this Ms. Snny? That is obscene.

SHHH!! If he knows, then he will never let me eat at a Chinese buffet/Hibachi / sushi bar ever again!! I can't go on about my life without Asian food (and men). It was bad enough that part of out honeymoon was in the Philippines!!

 

 

Purposely meaning to be ridiculous here. My point is: if he's gonna look, he's gonna look whether it's in his phone or somewhere else.

[Unreasonable]

I used to snoop, I stopped. Go through ANYBODY'S phone that doesn't delete stuff or try to hide anything and you will find SOMETHING objectionable. Every time. Just don't do it, unless you enjoy being upset. You don't want to be device cop for the rest of your life, its exhausting. Don't be surprised if your boyfriend puts a lock on his phone. I can't believe he hasn't already, it's pretty standard nowadays.

 

And yes, it's possible to have an attractive partner, and be attracted to other women, and not cheat.

[Wiseman2]

Agree...

You don't want to be device cop for the rest of your life, its exhausting.

 

]

[Ms Darcy]

Even if you found porn on his phone, that's not the issue.

 

You have no right to be looking at his phone. Your insecurities are not his problem.

 

I really feel sorry for your bf.

[megamuppet]

I find people dont feel insecure unless someone gives us a reason to. I am very insecure, never used to be but my husband has done a few things that have made me insecure to the point I will no longer go out with him. He constantly stares at other women (not a glance, that wouldnt bother me but straight up staring) Do I know its normal to find other people attractive? Yes I do. Do I know my husband loves me? Yes I do. Do I trust him? Yes, totally. Does it change how I feel or make me feel any better. No it absolutely doesn't. I cant help how I feel. I am having counselling now because my insecurity is driving him away. Its a horrible place to be.

 

Why were you looking through his phone?

[ThatwasThen]

The point of this post is that is it "normal" for a man that already has an attractive loyal (Etc) girlfriend, to find other women attractive and not want to act up on it? Y

Yes, it's completely normal.

 

You'd do well to concentrate on the fact that he values YOU and his actions tell you that, clearly. Why forget THAT over a mere photo? You're ruining your own serendipity.

[johnnydanger]

It's just a single photo which sounds like innocently saved due to receiving it from his brother.

 

Tell him 'I didn't expect to see something like that on your phone' and just leave it at that. You shouldn't open his phone or try to control him beyond that. And it's not a crime if he ever did find another girl attractive to look at, or you a man. Just looking doesn't mean you are going to cheat or act on it, so lighten up a little!