Paranoia? Scared? Is she losing interest?

[Kenji878]

I met this girl online and we have been on 5 total dates. We hit it off pretty well. Date 2 we kissed, held hands and even cuddled in bed. No sex. Date 5 was good too but we got into a little spat. She got mad that i did not take the lead in decision making. But we were fine after. So i asked her tonight when will i see her again? She said she was busy due tonsigning up for events she was sorry and i said its fine we did see other every week. But niw im scared ahe maybe losing interest? I am at a point where infeel like i want to see her everyday and talk to her. On date 5 she shared very prrsonal story with me( she is a cancer survivor) and it did not freak me out as she was worried about. But because she said she was busy and offered no alternative time in worried. Should i be?

[nsolo]

Ken,

It's hard to do in this situation, but you must seek other women and get your focus off of her, or you will very possibly mess things up further. (I say "further" because it sounds like you made a blunder by being indecisive--women oftentimes, especially in the beginning, want the men to make the decisions when it comes to dates, activities, and those sorts of things.)

 

Women who are very attracted to you are going to make themselves available. If she's saying she's too busy while not offering another time, hang back, work on finding another, better and more interested woman, and see if she contacts you in a week. If she hasn't contacted you, contact her and ask when she's free. If she gives you the same lines about being busy, she's out for good. At that point, only meet her if she asks, and stay off the phone with her while maintaining a busy life. You will be mysterious this way, which is a good thing. Keep looking for other women who have high levels of attraction to you. You will find that spending time with those women is a thousand times more rewarding than spending time with a woman who's "too busy."

[SherrySher]

Woah, woah, woah. This is only date 5, you are rushing way too fast and getting emotionally involved way too fast besides the fact that you are assuming that she is now not interested because she can't go on a date this one time?

 

You need to take a breather, step back, ease off. You are still in the stages of getting to know each other. Concentrate on the friendship that you are building, don't run a million miles forward.

Wait a bit and ask her on another date, if she says no, ask her straight out if she's losing interest.

If she does go on another date with you though, try to not take things so seriously right now..this is still too early on ot know how any of it is going to go or if you're compatible.

[joffie]

The problem with online dating, is they are dating more then one guy.

I completly understand how you are getting invested in a woman, as most likely, you are not getting the interest from the opp sex a she is.

Just go along with it, try and date other ladies. Good luck, I hope you well!

[jujusamples]

Wow, you are getting attached way too quick. I'm assuming she probably sensed it and is taking a step back. If I've only been on 5 dates with someone and he's getting worried and paranoid because I'm busy with other things. I would probably run.

 

I say to take a step back and let things be. Don't think too much into it. Let things progress slowly. Give it some time to see if she reaches out to you. If she does't than maybe in a couple of weeks you could ask her out for dinner/lunch. Take things one step at at time. Don't panic just because she didn't make any future plans with you. Maybe she wants you to initiate the next date?

[Wiseman2]

What did she mean by "not take the lead"? Planning dates? Initiating contact? Going past cuddling?

 

Perhaps she's more insecure about her attractiveness than she lets on and wants a guy to be more aggressive to confirm that? (although that's not healthy).

 

She may think you are too passive and she interprets this as lack of interest. Ask her out one more time, if it's another busy signal, then move on.

Date 5 was good too but we got into a little spat. She got mad that i did not take the lead in decision making. I am at a point where infeel like i want to see her everyday and talk to her.

[Betterwithout]

So you are worried that the spat caused her to lose interest?

When you really like someone, we all can attest that it's hard not to become invested in them, but it's the wrong approach for both sexes.

There is a fine balance between a cool, casual and aloof attitude versus wanting to see them every waking hour.

Try to find the balance staying cool and give the relationship some space to breath.

Sometimes, we see a green light and want to floor the gas the whole time, but it makes sense to keep the gas pedal steady and drive cautiously.

 

Be cool, give her space but also ensure she knows your interested. It really is a delicate balance, ESPECIALLY when trying to communicate over texting, emails or even the phone.