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Having feelings for a man who is taken


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I am a freshman in college and I have deep feelings for my partner in class. His girlfriend goes to school in another state and they have only seen each other twice since last semester. He always compliments me on my intelligence, outfits, and even shoes. He is very nice and I can tell that he is not trying to make me a side piece. Our professor always jokes how we should go out which is embarrassing but we just laugh it off. We don't contact each other and we have only hung out once but with other people in our class. I'm not sure if he is just being friendly or he has feelings for me but he does not notice it. Should I wait for this guy or move on?

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Move on. He is taken. No ifs and buts. Waiting for this guy would be a waste of time. Hitting on him would land you a rejection or a cheater. Going for unavailable guys leads to all kinds of mess. Don't go there. College is full of available people. Find someone single.

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As stated, obviously don't wait for him to come if he is already taken. That said, having a bf/gf is not a rule against showing and informing of interest. Marriage is the rule for the informed.


He may or may not be happy with his gf, who knows except him right?


Maybe he does really like you. The compliments, especially on the shoes, are huge green flag in my book.


That said, you are the intrestor(not a word, but should be) in this case. You need to let him know how you feel, one way or another. The classroom is probably not the right place to do so. Maybe see if he wants to get together outside class to study or go simpler like a coffee. If you think he would be up for study, maybe work it around an upcoming exam or topics you can help each other with. You will have much better feeling of where he stands pushing him out of the norm.


If you walk and don't find out if he is interested, you may always wonder.

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Prompting a break up is not a sound foundation to build a relationship on. The lack of integrity involved is liable to manifest some way down the line. It says a lot about the character of the persons involved. You could end up being a rebound or being left in the same way once your relationship hits rocky ground. And it doesn't make a nice story either "We met at a lab class...He was in a relationship but that didn't stop him from flirting with me! I decided that they were not good together and went for him anyway! He monkey branched to a relationship with me! I am perfectly ok with other people hitting on my boyfriend so girls and boys go ahead! We are not married!" Very classy...


The fact that he is in a relationship is a huge red flag about the kind of relationship you would end up with if you were to go after him and succeeded.

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No need to ignore her natural instincts if she is aware and fine with the potential consequences. At the end of the day though we are not animals and we reap what we sow. Adopting a purely animalistic approach won't necessarily land her the best nor most valuable experiences...Getting involved with people who adopt a cutthroat approach to life is not everyone's cup of tea plus it usually leads to shaping a rather jaded life outlook at the end. Being mindful and making informed decisions is important. Our experiences shape us and our world. Choosing to get involved with selfish people, liars, cheaters etc shapes us accordingly...There are plenty of single people in her campus. He is not the last man on earth nor particularly special if he is flirting around with a girlfriend on the backburner.

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Let's say he breaks up with her for you. Would you be happy with a guy who you know will compliment other girls on their intelligence, outfits and shoes?

If yes, go for it.

But something tells me the answer is no. So, don't do onto others what you wouldn't want others to do to you!

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I'm going to be blunt here, as someone who has nearly lost her life a couple of times: never ever, ever, EVER put your life on hold for anyone or anything. NEVER.


I cannot begin to stress this enough. Plus this guy is taken, don't care if he pays attention to you, all that should tell you is either a) you are cooking things up that aren't there or b) he's the type to play around on his girlfriend when she isn't there. That could be you someday if you two got together then had to be separated for any reason.


Remember if you "win" someone who was in a relationship and didn't end it cleanly before getting together with you, chances are really, really, really high that they will do the same thing with you in the future, because monkeybranching from one relationship to another out of the gate or cheating is a sign something is deeply flawed in the person.


That's IF there's even anything on his part. He hasn't asked you out, made any verbal indication of anything other than friendship (my female and male friends both comment on my shoes, my intelligence, etc. It's not a big deal) AND even if he did your wisest thing is to tell him to end his relationship and then wait six months and IF you are still free you MIGHT then date him.


But seriously, I know you think you have all the time in the world. And there's nothing quite so terrible as looking at a situation and realizing you just p(((sed away a chunk of your life on a maybe, and a poor on at that.


Taken people are always a really poor bet for a happy, healthy, sane normal relationship. Focus on school, find guys who are single and available, if it's too much ask your professor to give you another partner. Your proximity together is what's causing this and his flattery, but trust me you do not want your college years marred by being someone's sidepiece or having to experience what his poor girlfriend would experience should he dump her for you.


Total waste of time. One day hopefully you'll get that. You don't have time to sit on a shelf pining for someone who isn't available. No one does, really.

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I used to be a firm believer in monogamy and absolutely against cheating but the reality is it's always easy to judge when you're not in such a situation yourself or never experience anything like that. Of course it's morally not ideal and better if you can let the person know you dont want to commit beforehand but to deny your natural urges to be with someone b/c a "limitation" you put on yourself for your partner nvm someone you dont know and dont have to justify to anyway seems ridiculous if you look at it with a clear head. One things for sure if you or your SO experience strong feelings or sexual tension with someone else there's already something wrong and he or she is open to others(subconsiously). Remember nobody can steal a person away from you or "break you up" but everyone makes their own decision and if they do it should be your clue to move on or accept it. Now I understand many people see a strong value in marriage especially religious ones but all of it is essentially a personal limitation, shackles that you put on yourself and will make you miserable in the long run if you always have to compromise and go against your own feelings. You notice as soon as you start to lose interest in your partner and see others you like. Again this is a sign it's not supposed to be and you dont do yourself or your partner a service to hold on to something just out of misguided constraint of commitment to one person. Even if you're together for a long time (many people seem to think that's even more untouchable) logically it would make it more reasonable to be less attached over time, bored with one another and eventually ready to let go instead of forcing yourself to stay together(romantically and exclusive) b/c you agreed on it years ago with the feelings you had one time. It makes no sense just from a biological point of view. Bottom line I think it's not your concern how he deals with the situation and what's going on with his gf. If he shows interest back you shouldn't feel bad about going with it and if you really caught feelings you'd be a fool to let some factual stranger hold you back if it doesn't even bother him too much

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