hiccups Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 So I have been seeing someone for a couple of months now, we aren't official but we are also not seeing anyone else. We are both in our mid to late 20's and we both suffer from anxiety disorders. I am aware that she is on anti-depressants (Ive been on them before too) and she recently confided in me that she is struggling with the new dosage and possibly the medication itself. She recently switched doctors and the new one is changing things.... We were supposed to hang out at my place yesterday. I made dinner, we planned on having wine, eating, and watching a movie, and just talking. We talked Saturday evening for about an hour on the phone, she said that she wanted me to meet her sister this upcoming weekend and her parents in the next couple of weeks. Things feel like they are progressing smoothly. Well, she bailed on me yesterday. Told me that her meds were bothering her and that she just couldn't function. I told her that it was ok and that there is always next time. I didn't tell her that it upset me... a lot. I worked hard all weekend to pull everything together and even mentioned it during our conversation Saturday. She's bailed once before, but immediately re-scheduled. I used to do this too when I was on AD's. I don't know why I used to do it, but it would just happen. I am trying not to take it personally but I just feel hurt. So now, we haven't really talked yesterday or today. I don't know what to do. Do I encourage her that things with the meds will work themselves out and that I am here for her or do I just give her space and wait for her to come around? I feel like everyone is different and each approach might work differently for different people, but I feel like asking her what she wants makes me look clingy... Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 It sounds like you are dating exclusively which is good at 2 mos in. Is she avoiding Netflix and chill type dates? When did she bail before? It's ok to be upset about the flakiness and being blown off twice now. It's also ok to mention that you are disappointed. Be gracious but have boundaries. Ask her to let you know directly and earlier if she thinks she can't make it.. It may help to text and talk less and reserve convos for in person. We were supposed to hang out at my place yesterday. I made dinner, we planned on having wine, eating, and watching a movie, and just talking. We talked Saturday evening for about an hour on the phone. Well, she bailed on me yesterday. Told me that her meds were bothering her and that she just couldn't function.I worked hard all weekend to pull everything together and even mentioned it during our conversation Saturday. Link to comment
gebaird Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 A relationship with two partners who are dealing with anxiety is going to be harder to maintain than a relationship with only one anxiety sufferer. If you decide you want to proceed with this, I would give her the support you would want if the roles were reversed. Since you've suffered from anxiety yourself, you have access to empathy that others might not. You can choose to be offended, or you can choose to love. You can't do both. Link to comment
hiccups Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 We are very vocal about what we want/looking for. We have been physical and she's ok with affection in private or in public. She's been to my place before too. We don't settle of the netflix and chill type dates, because it's easy to get stuck with just doing that. She was the one to come up with the idea this time though. She bailed on our 3rd date, but rescheduled for the following day, she said she had an upset stomach. We normally don't text a lot (Which I am trying to get used to) and often save more serious topics for face to face. The one thing that I have found with her is, she is not afraid to speak about her feelings or needs and it's definitely helped to smooth over a lot of those questions that you get when a person starts to act a little funny. I have an anxiety disorder to, so when things like her bailing on me happen, I assume for the worst. However, our recent conversations and interactions show me that things are still progressing naturally, but that little voice in my head thinks that this is the end. She mentioned that she normally likes space after a bad day, and I am trying to give her that, but I want to also show her that I am receptive to her feelings and that I am not ignoring/belittling what she is going through. Its hard for me to be mad at her if its really the meds that are making her act this way, and I don't think that me telling her how she disappointed me is going to help anything. Like, would it hurt to mention it down the road? like let her compose herself first and not bring her down further? Link to comment
kamurj Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed. Link to comment
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