I'm so depressed

[mayret91]

My bf of 7 months broke up with me Friday night. We travel a lot & have done a lot of things together. However we haven't been that great for a couple of months now. He's very insecure & jealous. I also suffer from anxiety & some places and situations are a bit too much for me. Whenever we have argued in the past he starts screaming at me & ends up telling me it's over. Stupid me I always try to reason with him because I know how mad he gets. So we've never really broken up. We might stay mad for a while but not to the extent of breaking up for good. Prior weekend to this we went out to the bar to watch a basketball game & it was already really late when he said he wanted to meet up with his friend & his girlfriend. I told him I was really tired & wanted to go home but he insisted we'd go. So we went. When we went to this other bar/lounge to get a couple drinks I didn't order anything to drink because I wasn't up for it. My bf got really upset that I was not engaged after I had specifically told him I didn't want to go. That night once we got home & were in bed he told me he didn't think we should be together anymore & I said ok. Which I have always reacted the opposite way. He looked at me weird like that was not the reply he was expecting since I always end up begging. He started crying & I hugged him. After that we kissed a lot & ended up having sex. While we were having sex he looked at me & told me how our sex has always been amazing & we've never had a problem with it. After we were done we just went to bed. Woke up the next morning like nothing ever happened. So, going back to this weekend...he wanted to go out of town where his cousin lives which is 2 & a half hours away for his birthday. I NEVER told him I didn't want to go over there. I just simply told him I was not comfortable sleeping in someone's house. I've only met this cousin of him once before. I asked him if we could rent a hotel instead. He got a bit upset because he said he didn't have money & that it made no sense to stay at a hotel when we could've just gone to his cousin's. Friday which was the day we should've gone to this place he got off of work late so I figured we weren't going anymore that night. He eventually asked me if I wanted to go that night or Saturday in which I told him I'd rather go Saturday. He then kept asking me whyyyyyy. I told him it made no sense to start driving for 2 & a half hours so late at night & that I would rather Saturday because I would only get to sleep one night in a stranger's house. He then got really upset. We were on FACETIME & he told me he couldn't do this anymore & that he didn't want to be with me anymore. I told him ok once again & he just kept looking at me without saying a word on FACETIME. We eventually hung up & stupid me I get really emotional & let my emotions get the best of me. I started putting makeup on & getting dressed. I FACETIMED him again & I asked him if we were done for real. After seeing my face with makeup on he figured I was asking that question so I can hang up & go out. So..he saidf this "Listen to me, I'm going to block your number & you better never f***ing call me again." After that he blocked me so I got all my stuff & went over to his house. His friend was over & they were getting ready to go out. We spoke for a bit but he was still telling me he didn't want to be with me. I asked him if he was in love with me & he said yes & I asked him if he were to see me with another guy if it would bother him & he said of course. However, he didn't want me to touch him or keep talking so he basically kicked me out of his house while his friend was there. I started crying & left. That was Friday night. Saturday he left out of town to his cousin's in which his cousin's gf was texting me that he looked normal but not happy & that I came up in the conversation. She told me that he never said that we broke up. He said that we was really upset that I gave him a really hard time in going over there to his cousin's. Everyone keeps telling me he'll call me & reach out to me but I think otherwise. Sunday he came back to town & i messaged him this: "Don't think I have stopped loving or thinking about you". No reply, neither does it say read. & I know he received it because i'm not blocked anymore. It's Monday now & I am dying. How could he have gone all this time without communicating with me if he loves me. He said this is the best thing to do so i'm thinking it's really over. We have an instagram together which I haven't taken it down because everyone is saying it's too soon. I'm so confused & depressed. Should I call him? Should I give him time alone to miss me now that he's back to his house, & if so, how long should I give him? I wake up in agony every morning. This is so hard because this is the love of my life What are your opinions on this?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to say you are in an abusive controlling relationship. They often start out with the typical "too good to be true" checklist you mention, because it's all an act to get you hooked.

 

He wasn't "helping you" like some savior. He saw you were fragile, easy prey, hurt in the past (because you overshared too soon) and he fostered a dependency on him.

 

Luckily it's only 6 mos of dating and you are already seeing all the red flags for controlling, possessive behaviors. Tell your trusted family and friends about this. Isolation and shame are the abuser's tools.

 

Talk to a domestic violence agency or counselor for help and tips about what abusive relationships are. Never Ever make someone "your knight in shining armor". You need to learn what healthy vs. toxic relationships are.

[MissCanuck]

Gross, this guy is a verbal and emotional abuser.

 

This level of drama isn't normal, especially at just 7 months. He doesn't love you, you're right about that. He loves controlling and manipulating you. There is a significant difference between the two. Stay away from him. Trust me, I dated a man very much like him and it does not get better. It will definitely get much worse, though.

 

You need to ask yourself why you are attracted to man who mistreats you and emotionally terrorizes you. Don't you feel you can do better? This guy is a loser.

[mayret91]

Do you guys think it's really over though? OR That he will reach out to me?

[MissCanuck]

Do you guys think it's really over though? OR That he will reach out to me?

 

He'll reach out if he hasn't already found another woman or had a back-up ready. That's how abusers work. I speak from experience of dealing with men like him. Every time my abusive ex tried to cast me out of his life, guess where he was really going? You'd be foolish to think that's not also a possibility with your ex.

 

And really OP - that is your only concern right now? You need to do some serious inner digging to figure out why you want this clown in your life at all anymore. This is more about you than him.

[mayret91]

So my ex broke up with me 2 months ago because supposedly he said we weren’t compatible and that he was just not happy. Throughout our whole relationship he has always been very over protective and jealous. There was an instance where he saw some messages on my phone of me speaking to guys but it was never anything flirty and this was really early on in our relationship when I wasn’t so sure about us yet. He has never forgiven me for that and has always used it against me. From that moment on he started getting really jealous. If we would go to a basketball game he’d tell me that I was looking at guys. Which I was not. It got to the point where I would walk and just look at the ceiling because I felt he was always looking at me. He also has an anger problem where he just gets mad and will be like that for hours or until he goes to bed and wakes up like nothing ever happened. He says that I never appreciate him and that he doesn’t trust me & never will. I have apologized over this soo many times already, even though I know I never did anything wrong to begin with. Relationship got worse and he would go on to insult me about my social media that he didn’t like half of the guys on there. So I went on to remove my social media. Little by little I started transforming myself into the person I thought he’d want. But he’s just never happy. And I am in love with this man. We went out for 9 months, I’m 25 & he is 35. After he broke up with me I came to terms with the fact that I can’t force anyone to be with me. So little by little I have forced myself to move on by keeping busy with work, school & going out with my girlfriends. Recently I had posted a picture of me & another guy. I guess he saw it and went mad because he called me last Sunday & asked me to go over his place to talk. He then went off crying to me that he was so hurt from everything I had done to him especially while we were broken up. How I re-opened my social media & had the same guys he didn’t like on there. And how dare me ever post a photo with another guy that is not him. He told me “You said I was the love of your life, and you made me look like a fool.” So I explained to him that we weren’t together anymore and that this is what he wanted. After that night I went home & we have been talking on and off ever since. This past weekend he left on a trip with his parents & I left on one as well with my girlfriends for a concert I had. While he was on his vacation he called me at 3am again crying and to insult me about my social media. I try talking to him and explaining but there is just no way around him. He is so stubborn. He’s always pointing finger at me like it’s my fault. He just can’t get over what happened. Which to begin with, was nothing! After that I just told him to take some time to think about things and enjoy his vacation with the family. We agreed to speak that following Monday. Monday came and he never called or texted me. So I texted him and he never replied. When I managed to get a hold of him through the phone he said he was really upset and trying to avoid speaking to me. So he told me to go over and talk. Once I got to his house he was dressed really nice & when I asked him why he said he wanted to take me out to eat! I got really happy. Every time he Facetimes me or we are face to face he smiles. After we ate and drank wine we had sex of course. He just tells me that he’s hurt from everything and that he is scared of loving me. He even went to tell me “What happens if I ever have a kid with you and you end up leaving me?, I would die.” I kept telling him I’m in love with him and that we cannot live in the future. All that we have guaranteed is in the present moment. I also told him that we can’t be in this whole back and forth dilemma because it is not healthy for either of us. He is always going from super sweet and crying to super a-hole insulting me. The last thing he ever said to me was “I’m sorry bit I don’t want to hurt you and I’m not ok either. I can’t ask you to wait around because that would be selfish but I’m not really over the past.” I wrote that I wouldn’t bother him anymore. I’m just so confused over this whole situation. I took off my social media again because I don’t want him calling me in the middle of the night crying again. And I don’t know if he’ll ever be over the past. I don’t know if he’ll reach out to me again. I’m so lost and confused.