If he wanted to be with you, he would be...

[Sadandhurt1]

Was not feeling good at all today about the BU and started talking to a friend about it. Made the comment that maybe if my ex wasn't going away for school, we could have made it work and that timing sucks. However my friend made a very honest point:

 

If he wanted to make it work, he could have. But he obviously did not want to.

 

That burned. A lot, only because I know it's the truth. My ex and I were going to go long distance in a few months because of him going to grad school. At that time he didn't know what school he'd be accepted in yet but we knew it would be between 2-4 hours away. Not far at all... if he wanted to, we would still be together.

 

We did have a talk previously, about the options and what we could do and our options were 1) to try, regardless of the distance 2) to do the long distance and then for me to follow him after I finish my grad school 3) for him to not even go (stupid one) 4) for us to part ways and to see what would happen after the 5 years he would be gone.

 

He himself said he wanted to try. But at the end he gave up on us anyway. Option 2 was so ideal. I would have picked up my things after I finished school and follow him.

 

I really don't know what did it for him. I never cheated, was faithful the whole time. I tried my hardest to be a good girlfriend, really did...

 

It's so frustrating and now what sucks is knowing that reality and having to heal from it. But like I said from my previous post, time is a beautiful thing.

[holistic17]

Sorry to hear this. You sound like you have a reasonably sensible mindset. You didnt do anything wrong. But you cannot control his choices or his decisions. If you are in still contact then maybe ask him what it was that made him change his mind. My guess is that the overwhelming fact of distance and his school commitments would have been a priority. You woouldnt want to end up feeling neglected if he had made an initial promise, moved away and then changed his mind. You're right, all you can do is accept what it is and begin to heal. Life sends us tests and it's up to us to decide how we react. To make a relationship work you both have to be on the same energy level and wavelength. Focus on yourself and your goals right now. Life will bring you happiness in other ways until the right person (your ex or someone else) arrives.

[Sadandhurt1]

@holistic17

 

The last time I spoke to him was when I congratulated him when he got into school about 2 weeks after the BU. Otherwise we have been NC since then which I did break on Valentine's Day because of my vulnerability that day. Otherwise, I think it's better this way. It helps me heal faster...

 

Before, honestly, I had previously wanted NC as a way for him to come back and miss me, however, the more time that's passing by, the more realistic I'm thinking and I'm starting to realize that he might possibly never come back.

 

I hate the gut feeling I still have that keeps telling me he's the one, that's probably the hardest thing I'm trying to fight

[Mikess1978]

Sadanhurt1, sometimes, it is no one's fault. Feelings can change after time. Perhaps, you had the will power to do long distance relationship and he did not. I guess, we will never know the answer.

 

Love, attraction or whatever we call it, sometimes we just cannot see the right thing. I definitely cannot and I know, I am doing the wrong thing for sure. Consider this his loss and move on with the life. If he comes back, fine, if he does not, I am sure, you will find someone better.

 

It is hard to fight this feeling but we have to.

[Wiseman2]

Your friend gave you great advice. Believe or not every pang of pain that represents truth is actually a sign of acceptance and healing.

 

Option 4 seems to be the best one for you. You have your freedom and can fully immerse yourself in your grad school life and the new people you meet.

1) to try, regardless of the distance

2) to do the long distance and then for me to follow him after I finish my grad school

3) for him to not even go (stupid one)

4) for us to part ways and to see what would happen after the 5 years he would be gone.

[annie24]

If he wanted to make it work, he could have. But he obviously did not want to.

 

That's the harsh truth, isn't it? I'd say that this applies to 95% of the people coming here with questions about their exes.

 

Hang in there. Try to stay busy, have fun, do some projects, plan a fun trip this summer.

[Sadandhurt1]

Your friend gave you great advice. Believe or not every pang of pain that represents truth is actually a sign of acceptance and healing.

 

Option 4 seems to be the best one for you. You have your freedom and can fully immerse yourself in your grad school life and the new people you meet.

 

Yes great advice. It made me think realistically about the situation. I was making up excuses in my head over and over again but at the end of the day despite all the stress and everything else if he wanted me around he would have kept me around...

 

Option 4 used to scare me a whole lot. I remember bursting into tears the first time he even mentioned it, I was so devastated just even thinking about it. I never would have thought that, THAT was the option he would eventually choose for us. But, I agree, this would allow me to grow more individually and immerse myself fully into grad school which I have 2 years of left. Whatever happens onward is all a mystery.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That's the harsh truth, isn't it? I'd say that this applies to 95% of the people coming here with questions about their exes.

 

Hang in there. Try to stay busy, have fun, do some projects, plan a fun trip this summer.

 

Agreed 100%, it's the harsh truth a lot of people can't seem to swallow including myself.... breakups ultimately happen because one person in the relationship checked out, doesn't believe in it anymore, etc..

 

And I'm trying to keep busy! School, work and occasionally hanging out with some family & friends. I'm also starting to do things alone again and trying not to be afraid of it. Being alone is a scary thing but it's got to be done, if you can't be alone with yourself and be happy, how can I be with someone else?

 

Summer is gonna be crazy hard though. The two of us are beach/summer lovers and last year we spent all summer down at his family's beach house as well as took a trip out of the country. This year, I'll be heading to the beach most likely alone or with family and friends, if they're free... I do, however, have a trip coming up to europe with my family as well as another one lined up to Florida! Gah it's crazy how just a few months ago I actually mentioned these trips to him and invited him on it, not thinking that this could happen!