I feel stuck and don't know what to do ......

[walter711]

I have been in a relationship for 5 years now with the same woman. We have a 4 year old son together. When we first met we had a lot of fun together. She was fun and easygoing, liked to laugh and have good time and we had a lot of fun going out and exploring the world together. I had only been dating her about 5 months and then she got pregnant. Despite still being in the early stage of our relationship and overcoming the initial shock of her being pregnant we both were excited about having a child. I was with her every step of the way during her pregnancy and we both loved every second of it! There were days I had mixed emotions about our relationship because it was so new and I still had a lot of getting to know her but I would put those feelings aside and told myself it was going to work. While she was pregnant we moved in together and living together made me realize that do not have much in common at all. For the 5 years we have been living together I have been going through the same mixed bag of emotions. There are days I come home from work and feel so sure about being with her and being together with her and our son and then there are other days I ask myself what the heck I am doing with her? She is very very lazy. She works night shift at a home care facility for senior citizens and I work day shift at my job so she is home during the day. I am not the type of guy who demands my partner cleans and has the place spotless when I return from work but she does absolutely nothing during the day! I will come home and there are cups with old milk sitting on the table, plates with food from lunch still sitting on the table, crumbs on the floor, a spilled cup of juice on another table.....it just makes me so mad! I come home from work and then almost always have to clean the whole place up which puts me in a bad mood and I hate it! I say to her what the heck and she always says "Oh you know our boy, he makes a mess." Which i totally understand but I tell her she could at least take the dishes to the sink and vacuum. She says she will and almost everyday it is the same old story. She has hardly any friends she hangs out with and I am the only person she wants to be with ALL THE TIME! I am a creative person and enjoy painting, playing my guitar, fixing things...I almost always find things to do. She has no hobbies or interests at all. I enjoy my space every now and then to do some creative things or build or fix something and she literally just sits there waiting for me to be done which makes it very uncomfortable for me. We do not ever have any deep conversation which I long for with someone because I like to talk about things, about life, about the world and when I try with her she doesn't have much to say. All she does is tells me how much she loves me all the time over and over. I also literally have to remind her to take a shower sometimes because she will go a couple days without taking one and I think it is gross which is taking a toll on our sex life. I find myself not attracted to her because of that. There was a woman in the store earlier that caught my eye and she gave me a smile and I was very tempted to try and start a conversation with her. I literally played it in my head for about 30 minutes thinking I should have talked to her, wait no I shouldn't have, wait I should have...I hate feeling like that! As I mentioned before I just long for someone to talk to and be passionate about life with. I just feel so trapped I don't know what to do. I do not want to break up our family but I don't know how much longer I can live like this. I know if I was to ever end things with her she will be devastated and all alone.

[cmae26]

It seems like you know that youre not happy with her and youre constantly wondering whether you made the right decision to be with her rather than someone else. Break ups are hard, so you have all the reason to be reluctant.

 

Living with someone isn't easy, especially if they have separate ways of doing things. You said that she isnt interested in any hobbies; have you considered asking her if she would like to go out with you and try something new? When did you start developing these frustrated feelings about her?

 

I feel as though you might have stayed longer in a relationship you didnt fully want because there is a child involved. You almost seem like a selfless person who doesnt only think about themselves. It seems like your girlfriend thinks a bit too much about her and not others, and this can be frustrating you. Do you instantly do or change behaviour that she asks you to ?

 

The fact you were thinking about talking to another woman and you feel the deep need to find someone with the same interests speaks what you really want deepdown. However, you need to think to yourself and contemplate whether or not shes only frustrating you because shes familiar. Sometimes we lose sight of how special someone is to us because we pay much more attention to the bad things. Making the bad things seem that much worse.

 

However, i know the feelings of being trapped and now that I pay attention to that, you should really consider getting out. Reach out to your family for support and let them know your next move, if possible. You said shed be devasted, shouldnt continue dating someone out of pity.