Really Raw Inside and totally numb

[LondonMan33]

Well update time. I have not seen my ex gf now for 3 weeks since i caught her with the other bloke, we have texted right up until two days ago when she said her head was wrecked and she was so stupid , she was on a downer and we texted for a good while, she mentioned she was broke again so I sent her £100 to her bank. I sent her £100 4 days previous too and £20 in-between. she was very grateful etc and i told her to sort her head out and not to text me as we were both emotionally wrecking each other . I thought if she,s with this other bloke then she,s with him and I can,t change it. Its how life is . I have not heard anything now for 2 days so i am guessing she has either decided to leave it at that and not contract me again or is still wondering what is best for her in life. I told her some home truths about her lazy bone idle son and how that was one reason that stopped me being with her on a full time basis , he runs rings round her and she eventually accepted that , now the waters have settled and I have deleted her telephone number so i do not break the no contact rule. I told her i am not going to end up looking like a desperate man over all this. I have helped her out with money and there will be no more. I am actually feeling ok about life. if she texts she texts and ill see what she has to say. if the texts are more self pitty and claiming poverty I am going to tell her I am no mug and to get money from her new man . I think she is with him and he has nothing to give her so she might think one or two texts to peter might get me another £100.00 .. well it wont. I am starting to wake up from this nightmare to be totally honest.

[Wiseman2]

Excellent. Not that your home situation is good, but this other situation was getting worse and wosre, no?

I have deleted her telephone number so i do not break the no contact rule. I have helped her out with money and there will be no more. I am going to tell her I am no mug and to get money from her new man.

[LondonMan33]

Everything about my life was a nightmare to be honest. the pressure was immense and after 7 years certainly took its toll living this way. I am still confused no doubt about it but i know my life has had a shock to the system and this is how it makes the person feel. I know so long as she does not keep texting ill get over this sooner rather than later. I should change my number to be sure of it. then a demon pops up in my head and says what if she was really down and did all this as an escape from her life and it went too far and maybe she will want to tell me the whole story one day , but she cant get in touch... I dunno. its a tough one. but the number has been deleted and if she does text Ill deal with it when I read the context of her messages. I am not going to let her play me along for months on end with all this that is for sure. she has done enough damage for one life time.

[LondonMan33]

Update :

 

Ok the Break up was 3 weeks ago , I do not drink , only on very rare occasions, I knew anyway if I took to drink I would feel good inside at first then the more I drank I would feel worse. which is exactly what happened last night. I had been no contact for 5 days and you guessed it . I did not have her number so I went onto my account online with vodafone and found it again. the inevitable happened. I sent off 4 texts, all about my sadness, thoughts all of it, I never sent her any abuse . No reply last night went to bed on my last legs I was finished inside. this morning she texts back. calling me sweetie, how she wished she could run away from her life ect , told me a little about what she,s been doing , no mention of the other fella, but she was careful not to say she wanted me back. she said she will never love any one like she did me. and things happened and it all ended. ( what she means is she kicked me out her house when i walked in and found another bloke there,. they were not doing anything but if you read my 1st post you get the message) anyway she,s sent off about 10 texts today to me. it started to vere towards her finances again and how broke she was, she said she,s very grateful I have helped her out with money this past few weeks, I got the jist of it and as it was mothers day and her bone idle son wont have even got her a card I said i will send £100 to your bank . make sure you buy yourself a present out of it . She said no don,t do it . so I said ok I wont if you dont want me to. she said look you know how grateful I am for your help and always will be,. so I sent the cash. she replied thank you xxx .... said she would talk later and I think she will. she is either regretting everything she has done and found herself stuck with an ex now for the sake of her son who is in his 20s anyway and really does not love him at all. I think this because I do believe her when she said she will never love any one like me. Now if she did not love me she could quite easily change her number and I could not text her could I. but she left it as it is.

 

Is she really missing me or could she be so cruel she,s actually just using my emotions to get a few quid out of me. surely this can,t be the case. can any woman actually be so cruel to do this ?