Really confused

[emma113]

Hi!

At this time, I just don't know what to think. Maybe I'm exaggerating.

Could you help me with your opinions?

The story is - I'm together with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now. We got together only 6 months after he got dumped by his ex, that he thought he really loved at the time.

We have a good relationship, he constantly reminds me how much he loves me, and I have never been worried about him cheating or anything like that.

But once I did catch a glimpse of him chatting with his ex on facebook. I decided to be a big girl and let it go - I understand that it's normal to be interested if that person is ok and happy.

But after a while I did the sneaky thing and went into his messages. (I really didn't want to do that, I know it's wrong. But I had a nagging feeling)

And I found out that he has been talking to her multiple times but with long breaks between them.

The thing that hurt me was that he sen't her a picture of a bracelet that he found under the bed. Apparently they had matching bracelets for both of them. He found it and sent her the picture.

Not one message was flirty and he didn't say anything about missing her. It was more of a hey, hows it going. And he did ask her if she's single now. He did mention that he's in a happy relationship.

 

After some time I saw him messaging her again. This time it looked like he had deleted a lot of the messages. So the next day I decided to have a talk with him. I confessed about going through his FB, and I told him that I'm worried.

He assured me that he they were close friends and it's difficult to just cut her out of his life. I did get angry and sad and he admitted that he feels it's better not to talk to her again.

 

But now, a good 7 months after that I saw that he has wished a happy Christmas, and again deleted some of the messages. What's the deal?

He constantly reminds me that he loves me and wants to marry me some day. I've met his parents, his ex didn't ever meet them. It seems that our relationship is strong, why does he have the need to communicate with her?

 

What I do know is that they had a messy break up, and that he had problems opening up to her and having a sexual relationship, he was always too nervous and I probably don't need to go into detail. We had the same problem at first but I found a way to connect with him and make him comfortable and now our sex life is wonderful. I don't know if that matters, maybe it's a guy thing and he want's to make sure she knows he's better off now. Really no idea.

 

Or maybe he still can't get her out of his head?

[Wiseman2]

If it's not broken don't fix it. Things are going well, he's onto your snooping. Just stop. He explained. She's not threat. Perhaps they shouldn't stay friends, it's annoying but let this die down on it's own without causing collateral damage to your own relationship.

[Blackchapter]

I respectfully disagree with Wiseman. To me there is no excuse under the Sun that should keep two exes talking, other than if a child is involved or they are actively talking in finalising said breakup. Other than that there shouldn't be a need to be talking.

 

Honestly ask yourself. Do you want to do what society accepts as a norm, or are you going to follow your heart and tell him an ex is an ex for a reason? Literally an "X". Seriously there's a lot more hurdles and obstacles to face in a relationship without having to stress about an ex in the picture.

[Betterwithout]

Many people stay in contact with exes on social media. They have shared friends, or a whole slew of reasons. Some still have their first girl/boyfriend on FB that they say hi once every few years. Many guys have female friends on there as well. Does that mean they are being unfaithful? No. Do you have any exes on FB? Perhaps your insecurities are rearing their ugly head and your boyfriend can't be happy about the snooping you have done. It's human to wonder if something more is going on with your boyfriend and his ex, but you should work on ensuring your relationship is the focus. You said there was nothing flirty. You have decide if you can live with this or not. Comes down to confidence in your own relationship really.