Confused

[pienene07]

Hello

I just wanted to share my story with you and hear some advices. Me and my boyfriend met 2 years ago when I started working at the company he was working for, we were working together for 1 year and then he asked me out and I agreed. Now we celebrated our first year anniversary but at separate places I moved out few days before our anniversary and it was my decision.

He is really great guy caring , loving , handsome and supporting everything you can dream of , believe me ladys. Only problem he is 16 years older than me. He have a daughter 9 years old from previous relationship. Im 23 and he is 39. It started few months ago when I started talking about kids, when he told me when you will be 29, inside I disagreed with him because I want baby now but i didnt have a courage to tell him.I always dreamed about finding somebody having life together, buying house, having a baby like other couples.All these things make couple stronger together. We dont have any of that, he have a house he have a kid, he already have done all this things previously so they dont mean same things to him anymore. And then all these crazy thoughts approached me how its gonna be after 10 years, if im gonna be happy still with him and how the age gap will work out. He is diabetic as well so he gets tired and stressed very easily, so when his daughter come around it can get very hard for both of us and it made me look at the future again if we will have a baby and he will have to trough that all again. We had many dreams together like travelling, renovating his house and many other thing we planned. But my thoughts came back every day and i didnt know if this is what i wanted anymore. Before I moved out I told him about the baby that I want one now but he didnt say anything ,like okay we can talk about it, so I left. He said that he wanted to propose me in September and that he still loves me. I love him but im so depressed and my thoughts are killing me and my relationship. Now Im renting a room, half of my staff is still at his and Im just stuck in middle. We talk everyday and I know we still love each other. Some days im thinking to sacrifice my dreams and just stop with him but some days I just think that it was right decision and I will find somebody who will want same things.

But the love is still there and some days I feel like Im loosing my mind worrying about things.

Maybe some advice's

[Annia]

You two want different things. It seems to me you're not compatible. I'd think it's too soon to have babies so soon into the relationship, but at the same time you have no guaranties that he'd want them down the line. I think you and him are at different stages of your lives and have different goals. The age difference and life path is also a factor in this.

I'd say that if not having a baby soon is a deal breaker for you, you should leave and eventually find someone who is on the same page as you are. This is not one of those situations where it is possible to compromise...you either have babies or you don't, and if you have them it's good for the baby that you are both willing to have it and on the same page about it. Even if he had the baby just to please you, I don't think that'd be a good thing, especially for the baby.

 

There can be all the love in the world, but if two people are not on the same page about things like kids it is hard to have a healthy and lasting relationship. This is not something to overlook and skip under the rug.

 

Think for a while, do some soul searching and then decide what you really want to do.

[SherrySher]

You are in very different places in your life and you want different things.

He has lived much of his life and you haven't even started yours. You are not on the same page and you will start to resent him for it.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. It's good you moved out because you want different things than he does. Why did you move in so quickly and rush rush rush for a baby? Don't move back just for a place to stay nothing will change. Where were you living before?

 

Next time date for a while first, get to know someone better before rushing to move in and talk baby right away and date men who want the same things as you do.

moved out few days before our anniversary and it was my decision. Im 23 and he is 39.I told him about the baby that I want one now. Now Im renting a room, half of my staff is still at his and We talk everyday

[Matt3939]

Sounds to me he's been there done that . Knows what's involved all of that. Like others have said 2 different places. Good luck

[catfeeder]

Over time we learn that not everyone we love is right for us, and they don't need to be a villain in order for us to walk away and love them from far away.

 

I'd ask myself, "If this is the most that BF can give me in the future--no less, but no more--would I stay or would I go?"

 

If the answer is stay, then here you are. If the answer is go, the next question becomes, when?