Jump to content

1 year anniversary ex spouse suicide


snoopygal

Recommended Posts

I've made posts and responded to others here, but I don't know that I've ever talked about this. I got married to the "one". He was (almost) everything that a father wishes for his daughter. I did good. I did really good. We were happy. Really happy. How can anyone be this lucky you ask? Well, we were early 20's at the time, no care in the world other than working on our goals, getting married and starting a life together. ( we both had some ambitious independent goals). Then....BAM!!!!!!!BOOM!!!!BAMM!!!!

 

Apparently some mental illnesses don't represent themselves until mid 20's for males. There I was. 21. Newly married to the person I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. My family was in love. His family was in love. My family loved him since I was 17. Almost 5 solid years under our belt. We laughed together(about the most stupid stuff) for hours. We had the same values, I could literally tell him anything in the world without worry. We argued, but always ending with loving gestures. TEXTBOOK AWESOME!! But, that went away. Without warning. Then I'd come home, worrying about what had happened. Did he lose his job today? Did he talk to any friends today? Did he feel accomplished? Did he feel like he was worthy? Did he feel like he was enough? Did I do enough to make sure he has an easy load tomorrow? Was he offered a job today? Did anyone tell him that they're proud of him today? (if they didn't I know he'll be in an unspeakable amount of despair).

 

The point is, I felt all of these things. Did I do enough? Did I cut this (extremely) toxic relationship off at the right time? Did I do anything wrong? No, I did everything right. I did what I needed to do. He's gone, and I wish he was still here, working on getting his S**T together, but he's not. What could I have done different??

 

Nothing. I couldn't have done anything to have different results. I wish I could have, but I couldn't. Tonight I toasted a farewell with his family and closest friends. They were all ecstatic to see me! The worry that I felt for so long, washed away. Completely embraced. That was an incredible feeling.....I've always stressed seeing some of them again.

Link to post
Share on other sites

At the time of his death, he was bipolar, schizophrenic and borderline personality. being clinically treated for all, but zero trace a few years prior, before we got married. none. He was a normal guy. Lets have faith in some of the new posters. Yeah, some of them are trolls, or just asking the obvious, but sometimes people have ridiculous questions that aren't easily answered by a "google search" maybe it doesn't make sense to them.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for sharing this with us. You sound very healthy, warm and loving. I am glad ths family was so glad to see you and to embrace you. Nice.

 

This thread linked below may be of interest.

 

The

Link to post
Share on other sites

Am sorry for your loss

 

Yes, these mental illness can wreak havoc- of all kinds. it is NOT easy dealing with such issue's.

 

I believe you did all you could

 

Take care of YOU.. and embrace what you had.

 

Wish you the best....

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...