I fear my boyfriend might be cheating

[Kyla]

First off I'd like to say I'm definitely crazy and I overthink a lot and have major trust issues carried over from fairly recent past relationships in which I have been cheated on. Despite this though, I do treat my boyfriend like gold and I sense he doesn't realize I have trust issues.

 

We are both students in similar fields and we spend almost all of our time together. He seems very committed when we are together, I am close with all of his family and friends and even though we have been dating for less than a year, I have been close friends with him for about 3 years.

 

Over the past few weeks my cheating anxieties have escalated because I have realized how protective he is over his phone. He has told me his passcode, never keeps his phone on silent and sometimes leaves his phone behind with me when he goes to the bathroom. I have never snooped, but I noticed that when he receives messages he doesn't always check them immediately but replies immediately when I stand up to do something elsewhere. It also appears as if he slightly tilts his phone away from me when checking his messages. He has always been close to his phone even long before we were dating, but something must have triggered my noticing of it lately.

 

One time he smiled while looking at his phone and I asked him to show me what he was smiling at because he usually shows me funny memes he finds on the internet. But this time it seemed as if he panicked, he did something on his phone (deleting a message maybe) and showed me a funny picture which clearly wasn't it. I told him I knew that wasn't what he smiled at and he said "fine" and went onto 9gag to show me what he "really" smiled at. I asked why he was hiding it if it was just 9gag and he said he didn't want me to know that he was procrastinating by 9gagging. I don't believe him.

 

As I speak now we are both studying for tests apart from each other. I know for a fact that he is writing tomorrow because our test time are on the same roster document. We are writing tomorrow but we are texting and he mentioned he just showered and that he focused on washing his private areas because he had exercised today. I am sitting here wondering why he would be paying such attention to his personal hygiene if he is just at home studying.

 

I am seriously bothered by this and it is keeping me out of studies. What should I do? I don't think confrontation is a good idea since this is all the evidence I have.

[Boughtandpaidfor]

Since what you have written does not provide any evidence of anything, then I feel the main issue is you are feeling very anxious and afraid.

 

So that's ok. It's feelings. Whatever you're feeling is ok. Bring it back to you and how you feel. Yes you feel anxious and afraid. Forget the story of 'why'.

 

Whenever you start to obsess, shout STOP (out loud or in your head) and then count 1 to 10. Then start doing something. Stop thinking and start doing something. It takes some practice, but it does help to stop obsessing. I was taught this by a mental health care professional and it really works.

 

Analysing without factual information doesn't lead anywhere, ever.

 

In time you may start to notice the patterns that are really causing these feelings.

 

Forgive yourself- it's totally normal feelings. Good luck. Relax.