Am I looking at Facebook to punish myself?

[Boughtandpaidfor]

Relationship ended badly a year ago.

 

I'm so sick of Facebook that I've deactivated my account several times. But I always go back to it. This time I had the bright idea of just unfriending everyone I know (because it's just Facebook, it's not real life, so what does it matter). That has really worked. Facebook has lost both its attraction and its painful edges. It doesn't really have any impact on my life in terms of losing friends or disconnecting as I can contact anyone I really know in other ways.

 

It's still possible to see some people's pages. So I've blocked her, blocked our mutual friends who aren't really my friends.

 

But I'm still compulsively going to pages and groups with pictures of her and people I know. I can feel that I'm somehow looking for something when I do it. But I'm not sure what it is......some intimacy or connection I guess. It feels really self-punishing and stupid. She is great but the relationship sucked and I'm happy it's over. I am lonely for sure but I don't want to get back together.

 

Grateful for any insight that might make me see why I keep doing this to myself. Therapy's helping but got to stop self-sabotaging.

[melancholy123]

It does sound like you are punishing yourself. Perhaps it's time to quit facebook for good since you are tormenting yourself with it.

[Wiseman2]

Excellent you are cutting back and managing social media better. Agree, reset all your social media so you control it and it doesn't control you. Yep, trim fb down to a manageable tool.

 

In this case it's twofold in that you need to sever any ties or reminders of this cult and also this girl you met through that.

Relationship ended badly a year ago. We were in a spiritual group together (yes it's a cult)- I've left, she's still in it. This time I had the bright idea of just unfriending everyone I know (because it's just Facebook, it's not real life, so what does it matter). That has really worked. Facebook has lost both its attraction and its painful edges.

[Boughtandpaidfor]

Thanks - it's a double whammy for sure (BTW I deleted the cult references since it seemed like distraction from the main point).

 

Deactivating facebook is easy enough, but it's too easy to get back in. Deleting my account completely feels really a big deal somehow. But I'm playing with the idea. Apparently you can download all your photos and posts and messages to keep, but you can't archive photos that other people have tagged you in. That feels a bit sad. But I'm reaching the point where I'm considering it.

[Betterwithout]

Thanks - it's a double whammy for sure (BTW I deleted the cult references since it seemed like distraction from the main point).

 

Deactivating facebook is easy enough, but it's too easy to get back in. Deleting my account completely feels really a big deal somehow. But I'm playing with the idea. Apparently you can download all your photos and posts and messages to keep, but you can't archive photos that other people have tagged you in. That feels a bit sad. But I'm reaching the point where I'm considering it.

 

I have a Facebook acct that I look at about once a week. I went through the unhealthy check daily phase, but glad to have my real life back., but it is a bit like a cult in itself. That is why they use the word "Follow"