Are "perfect" relationships real?

[Unanimous1492]

I know no one is perfect... But do people ever really have a relationship they wouldn't change a thing about? I'm looking for responses from married participants or at least people in a prolonged relationship. I have a girlfriend of three years who I absolutely love... most of the time. It's not that my feelings for her change but she seems to change like she's bipolar or something. Sometimes she completely overreacts and yells and screams and curses at me because of little things. These incidents are few and far enough between that I've stayed with her for over 3 years. Everytime this happens though I think wow I really wish this girl wasn't like this and I seriously consider ending the relationship. But she has so many good qualities that I never do... My question really is if this is what other people experience too. Do other people consider ending their relationships on an almost monthly basis because they wish their partner were different in some small way? Or is it possible to find someone who I wouldn't want to be different? Will I find something I'd change in everyone I'll ever date?

[Seraphim]

No, perfect relationships,ever. I have been married 23 years. Sure some things drive me bat crap crazy but there will always be something about anyone that does that.

 

As for screaming and yelling and cursing about little things she needs to stop.

[jujusamples]

No, sorry to say but there are no "ONE perfect" relationship/person. I've been in many long term relationships and have been married for several years now. There's not one relationship that I was in, I could say it's perfect. I mean, I believe my husband is the perfect person for me, but our relationship is no where near perfect. There will always be things to bicker about and there will always be things about him that makes me want to pull my hair apart. The relationship itself is good, but not perfect.

 

As for your girlfriend throwing random tantrums, she has to stop. I think that could be a deal breaker. You don't go yelling and screaming at your significant other because you feel like it. It's not right.

 

To answer your question; yes, there are faults in everyone, but it's a matter of, "could you accept it". The only way your relationship could move forward is being able to accept the good as well as the bad. Other's might be able to tolerate that behavior, but for you it doesn't seem like you could take it any longer. For me personally, I would not take it at all! I mean if it happened once, than okay, maybe the person is having a terrible day, but if it happens every month, hmm? Could you live with that for the rest of your life?

 

Speaking of it happening once a month, could it be her PMS? Does she have really bad PMS? I know I could get moody during the time of the month, but I always warn my husband to stay away from me. LOL All jokes aside, I do go to exercise to relieve the PMS symptoms and also warned my husband that I could get moody. If it's a PMS thing, she could see her DR and see what she could do to relieve those symptoms.

[indea08]

Idk...if you had asked me a few years ago, I'd have said no, there's no such thing.

 

However, I truly do feel like my relationship with my husband is perfect FOR ME. We argue occasionally but no, there are no habits that he has that ever make me consider leaving. Granted, we are fairly newly weds (6 months) so maybe that's part of it...but in comparing our relationship to my past relationships, we're the closest to perfect.

[SherrySher]

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Every single person anyone dates, will always have some sort of fault or flaw or something that is unattractive.

It really does depend on if their partner accepts is or not, how bad it is, and if it borders on abuse or is abuse.

Somethings one person would be okay with, someone else would not. So accepting someone's faults is a personal decision and is very individual.

 

Relationships that work well have both parties who have seen all the good sides and bad sides in their partner, are not abusing one another but still accepts and loves another another despite the flaws. They also work well together and normally have good communication and can work problems out together and not turn on each other.

 

Relationships and people as well are always evolving and changing. Partners that again, work well together, will evolve and change together and can adjust to each other's new changes.

There should be mutual respect, understanding, loyalty, a very good friendship, love, trust and all the components that make up a good relationship.

But as well, you must be able to accept each others faults and work well together with each others flaws through acceptance and understanding as long as the flaws are not harmful to each other.

 

It actually takes a lot to find a really good relationship, which is why this forum and many like it exist, finding a compatible partner can be very challenging.

There is no perfection, only two flawed people who work perfectly together.

[lostlove76]

I was going to suggest the same thing as Juju... perhaps it's pms?? I sometimes turn into a completely different person for one week out of the month. I get so angry about little things. Then my period starts and my mood changes and I realize ah, so that's why I was being that way.

 

As for perfect relationships, I can honestly say that what my parents have is about as close to perfect as you can get, and they've been married for 40+ years. They bicker about one taking too long to get ready to leave the house if they're going somewhere, and other such things, but that's minor. They're best friends, they respect each other, they're thoughtful toward each other, they don't keep any secrets, they help each other out, they accept each other for who they each are. It's a perfect union because they're so good to each other. Neither has ever cheated or talked about leaving. They let it roll off them if there are disagreements or irritations. But I would say this might be relatively rare, because there are so many crappy people and crappy relationships out there. The bad ones far outnumber the good, IMO.

[Matt3939]

Some relationship's seem perfect for the first 6 months. The cursing sounds far from perfect and wouldn't fly with me. Good luck

[Boughtandpaidfor]

Someone explained it to me this way:

 

If you have the same vision about your future together, then despite any limitations you will work through them.

 

This works for jobs too. For example, you hate your coworkers, but the money's good and you know you won't be there for long and it will lead to something good, so you stick at it.

 

If you have a mutual vision (whatever that is) then the relationship can work. Any tension that arises is 'creative tension' because you both want to maintain your vision. If you don't have a mutual vision (for example you secretly want to travel the world and she wants two kids and security), then tension will arise that is not creative. This can be toxic and circular and horrible.

 

Problem arises if you are in denial or unaware of your vision.... which I'm guessing is the case for most people. You might have the same vision but be completely unaware of it.

 

If one person in the relationship is controlling the vision and the other one is tagging along but is secretly resentful and undermining the vision, then you can see how that will cause lots of issues and toxicity. But that's an extreme example. BTW this is all the work of a guy called Peter Senge (I think).

 

Anyway, what it boils down to is, what do you want? Do you want the same things or not. Because moodiness is normal and relationships are challenging, but if you both want the same thing then it can work.

 

Perfection is possible in the sense that you can be completely accepting of each other. But not perfection in the sense of completely fulfilling your every desire, hope and expectation. That's called porn

[Batya33]

What makes relationships hard and requires your own personal decision making is that we accept that they are not perfect, that there are things we can change and we have to decide by knowing ourselves as best as we can whether those things are dealbreakers or whether on balance those imperfections pale in comparison to what we do have.

[Betterwithout]

Perfection is elusive. I think most people have a goal of getting as close as you can to the perfect relationship.

Some flaws you can live with (he leaves the toilet seat up, she gossips too much) and then there are red flags. (abusive, controlling, cheating, etc)

 

The more LTR's you have, including marriages, the more you know what you want, what you can live with/without.

 

You have to ask yourself, does your girlfriend have red flags that you are sweeping under the rug, or can you live with her warts and all?

[DancingFool]

Humans are inherently flawed, so the "perfect" relationship is all about finding someone whose flaws you can live with easily. What those are is going to be different for everyone.

 

If your SO's flaws are causing you so much stress that you are thinking regularly about ending the relationship, I'd say you are with the wrong person.

[Gary Snyder]

Nobody is perfect, but there is such a thing as a good catch. Bipolar is a dealbreaker for many.

 

There are plenty of good relationships where they never have breakups, have less than a handful of arguments per year, and they don't walk on pins and needles, wondering if their partner will explode any minute!

 

Just because she's beautiful and breathing does not mean she's a catch.