An awful feeling of guilt

[trickykid]

I all sudden got this feeling of what I can only describe as guilt this evening and feeling like I have done something wrong. The strange thing is its not really anything I have done wrong but still feel guilty, Im not even sure if it is guilt but it certainly feels like it. I think I just want to write a bit to get stuff off my chest, its been a long day and Im tired. So this is a mixture of a bit of everything home life, work, other people and general stuff.

 

Lets start with work, I have written here before about the people I work with and how they would ignore me and that, so there is nothing new there same sh*t, different day so thats not bothering me, I am kind of the go to guy in the job for IT stuff but for those who ignore me etc, I gladly sit back and watch them struggle while they try sort it out themselves and get nowhere, I could easily fix their problems but well, if youre going to ignore me dont expect help. I have hated the job ever since all my work buddies left, so I have got no one to talk to really, I have little chats with people but nothing special. i am leaving in May so I dont really care anyway, it just seems that May is a year away. It gets me down waking up knowing I have to go there

 

There is one person there that I hate, I mean hate the same kind of hatred you would feel for an ex who did wrong. She is an absolute slob and ignorant cow, she just comes in throws her stuff everywhere, takes up more space than she should need. When she comes in my anger levels rise and it shows. Like she would throw her bag on the floor her jacket on the chair and take over two desks just to use one computer. She doesnt seem to have any concept of personal space, I once had to leave my desk and when I came back she had taken over my desk and her desk and took my chair. Another time she tried to login to my personal computer, which I bring to work everyday. She would even throw her bags and jacket into the middle of a walkway where everyone has to go in and out. God I cant stand the sight of her.

 

Now onto homelife, while my actual personal homelife is good, where we live and our neighbour is an absolute piece of thrash. I wont go into too much detail as I posted on another forum today about it and it dragged on all day and just wore me out. So basically the neighbour has two kids, she cant look after them. She has drink, drugs and all kinds of crime going on from her house. She has a new boyfriend every couple of weeks, when she breaks up with one fella within a day or two she has another, none of these guys work but drink and take drugs all day, her last boyfriend drove around in stolen cars (openly) he had 3 or 4 different cars all stolen, he was selling heroin from her house with the kids in it. There is parties all day everyday sometimes. Its a nightmare. As I said there is a lot to this story, I dont want to get into it as I did today already.

 

The neighbours house got raided for drugs a while back, my partner gave the tip off, I was totally against her doing that, I personally like to close my front door, forget about what other people are doing and plead ignorance but this situation requires me to go against that. I have had enough of her and her parties and now have to do something about it.

 

After all of that, I am focusing on all that negative that I am neglecting positives. I am not feeling good at all. Lately I have starting getting some business coaching, something I have known I have needed for a long time so I went ahead and did it. It has started to lead into other bits of work and I am interacting well, I am doing stuff I dont like doing, I hate talking on the phone, I like meeting face to face or through email, I am using the phone more. Homelife is really good, I have a good relationship with my kids and partner, like I came straight home from work today to the kids, I play with them and their toys whenever possible. You know loads of positive things but I am stuck in the negative and feeling what I can only describe as guilt for something, if it is even guilt it could be another feeling

[Wiseman2]

Manspreading and shebagging are neologisms for this. Yes it's a thing. The criticism and campaigns against manspreading have been counter-criticized for not addressing similar behavior by women, such as taking up adjacent seats with bags, or "shebagging" and shebaggers US brings laws banning practice[/url]

Like she would throw her bag on the floor her jacket on the chair and take over two desks just to use one computer. She doesnt seem to have any concept of personal space, I once had to leave my desk and when I came back she had taken over my desk and her desk and took my chair. She would even throw her bags and jacket into the middle of a walkway where everyone has to go in and out. God I cant stand the sight of her.

[Jadzia]

I can only offer a few suggestions on putting more positive in your life to maybe help. I can say from personal experience as well. I dealt with people at work that are just disgusting people. I work in a call center. I had to mentally block them out. Hard at first but helped. I was much easier to focus on work. If you are leaving in May, good for you. That change of scenery will help. Until then, if she touches your personal stuff. I'd snap a photo of her doing it and take it to HR.

 

The neighborhood issue, I have been there. I just decided to take all my tax money to move. It was the best investment for me and my kids. I always lived in a house but I decided to try an apartment. I moved to a townhouse paying an extra $200 a month to live in a nicer area of town. I can say coming home has been so peaceful. I have a beautiful river to sit on my balcony and look at. It will make a huge difference in your life. So maybe talk to your partner and kids and see if that's a possibility.

 

Maybe once those changes happen, you won't feel this guilt. Possibility that the guilt is you know you can make a change to make life even better for all of you, just haven't yet. I hope this helps. Good luck.