Shadowbite Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Everyone is noticing you have unresolved 'romantic' feelings. You are also claiming it passively. What is it you truly want? Think critically on that. As we can't help you otherwise. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 My question is this. What would my husband think if he found this. I'm posting in getting back together because I want to get it 'back' together with married life 90%+ of this post is about your ex. I think if you really want to move forward, you might want to really really be honest with yourself. It's just a bit confusing to be honest. It makes NO logical sense to say you want to get back with married life unless you and your husband had broken up. Link to comment
vesper Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 90%+ of this post is about your ex. I think if you really want to move forward, you might want to really really be honest with yourself. It's just a bit confusing to be honest. It makes NO logical sense to say you want to get back with married life unless you and your husband had broken up. My husband and I have not broken up . Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Hi Vesper. I want to apologise in advance if anything I say comes across as being harsh. I also want to apologise if I am repeating what may have already been said or if I have missed anything significant as I haven't read the whole thread. I think I have the gist of it however. The bottom line is you are not being honest ... at all. Whether it is with us or with yourself I'm not quite sure but there is something in the way that you said you are "waaaaay too happy" and that your marriage is "AMAZING" that is just convincing me. Maybe it is because it follows the fact that you questioned why your ex was in your town and why he didn't didn't approach you, IDK but, whatever it is, it is blatantly obvious that you haven't disconnected from your ex-husband emotionally yet. If you really were that emotionally invested in your new life with your new man, you would not be giving a rat's behind what your ex was up to or trying to second guess his movements. As for having history together and not wanting to throw away your friendship, I'm not really buying that either. I have an ex-husband I have history together but I don't feel the need to be "friends" with him. Sure we've had to remain on good terms for the sake of our children but that is as far as it goes. Besides, most people who want to remain friends with an ex, want to do so for one reason only. I know there are exceptions to every rule but I don't think that is the case here. Not in the slightest, if I'm honest. You are far too interested in your ex's actions. Besides, the fact that there are numerous contradictions throughout your thread, it doesn't really appear that this "friendship" was much of a friendship anyway. It seems your only connection is you stalking him through FB. Im just really confused because I thought both of us had moved on. It turns out that I am married (HELLO!!) he is in a relationship and the timing of this couldn't have come at a worse time because I just got married. Confused about on? Whether you actually have moved on? The timing of what .... and why is it bad? Don't you see how these comments are screaming out that you are sooooo not over your ex? It is blatantly ... GLARINGLY ... obvious to the rest of us that you aren't. I just can't quite work out if you are trying to fool us or yourself. Link to comment
vesper Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 I just can't quite work out if you are trying to fool us or yourself. Ok, It's the truth, I never got over my ex but this marriage was a way for me to move on. Now that he has re-appeared what am I supposed to do??? I already broke up with my first husband for him and we never got back together ....and now I have to do it again just to be left standing at the curb? I really don't know if I can suffer through another divorce and rejection by ex all over again. I mean he seems happy and content with his life, why would I have to dischuffle all of that that he has???? HELP ME GET MY EX BACK! Link to comment
lostlove76 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Ok, It's the truth, I never got over my ex but this marriage was a way for me to move on. Now that he has re-appeared what am I supposed to do??? I already broke up with my first husband for him and now I have to do it again just to be left standing at the curb? Do you realize how unfair this is to your husband?? You can't always be selfish and put yourself first, you have to think of other people's feelings as well. Your poor husband is now going to either be left for this other guy because you never really loved him, or strung along and settled for just so that you don't have to be alone. Either way, he's going to be hurt. Not cool. Link to comment
vesper Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 Do you realize how unfair this is to your husband?? I know !!!!! I am trying to make every effort here to continue a life with my husband but this forum is showing /telling me that its 100 % for the ex... Link to comment
vesper Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 How old are you? women never reveal their age. Link to comment
vesper Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 women never reveal their age. I also wanted to say that I left my first husband for the ex and it did not end up working out in the end. I really will not do the same things in the second time around Link to comment
abitbroken Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Ok, It's the truth, I never got over my ex but this marriage was a way for me to move on. Now that he has re-appeared what am I supposed to do??? I already broke up with my first husband for him and we never got back together ....and now I have to do it again just to be left standing at the curb? I really don't know if I can suffer through another divorce and rejection by ex all over again. I mean he seems happy and content with his life, why would I have to dischuffle all of that that he has???? HELP ME GET MY EX BACK! You need to grow the heck up and remember your wedding vows. So you broke your marriage up for this guy and now that you have begged him to be facebook friends you think he is back to break up your current marriage? You are the one bringing this on. You know if you leave your husband for him, this guy is going to spit you out like last time. if this guy wanted you, he'd be at your door = not you "finally getting him to be FB friends". I think you need to go to counseling. like yesterday. Stop emotionally cheating on your husband. Stop being an emotionally available 15 year old and own up to your adult decisions. Before you do anything to hurt your husband, block the ex - who is not even communicating with you anyways - its all in your mind. Your husband doesn't deserve this crap. If after having cut your ex completely out of your life if you can move on and are in love with your husband, great, but if not, you need to confess to your husband that you have an unfaithful heart and deal with the consequences that you will have neither your husband or your trash of an ex who doesn't want you back. Your husband DOES deserve someone who is crazy about him, not a rebounder Link to comment
abitbroken Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 women never reveal their age. Are you a 55 year old lost cause who will never "get it" in life if you have not now as far as having empathy for other people? or are you 20 and are still making childish and impulsive decisions but perhaps there is a little room to grow up if you pursue the maturity. Link to comment
vesper Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 Are you a 55 year old lost cause who will never "get it" in life if you have not now as far as having empathy for other people? or are you 20 and are still making childish and impulsive decisions but perhaps there is a little room to grow up if you pursue the maturity. Why is a 55 year old woman a lost cause? Everyone deserves love and to be happy no matter what age. Link to comment
vesper Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 And a 20 year old does too. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Why is a 55 year old woman a lost cause? Everyone deserves love and to be happy no matter what age. Okay, so you are closer to 55 than 20. A 55 year old woman is nowhere near a lost cause. Its just that if you are closer to 55, you likely are not going to change from your deeply selfish and drama seeking behavior. It will take way more self realization and bigger effort to change if you are 55 than if you are just a kid who doesn't know better yet or hasn't had good guidance. When you are 20, your brain is still developing and dramatic changes can happen still, but as you get older and repeat the same nonsense, you are likely to keep on that path. In otherwords, if you don't "know better" by then, then that's really regrettable. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 And a 20 year old does too. This isn't love! This is drama, the wish to conquest or some other thing. Link to comment
Clio Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Past behaviour is indication of future behaviour. You and your ex are not right for each other, which is why things kept failing between the two of you. You need to accept that getting back together is not possible. You are too different. As for your husband, he gave you the commitment that your ex never could/wanted and he chose to be there for you day in, day out. That alone should tell you that he's the better man of the two. Your ex is just a repressed fantasy. Link to comment
vesper Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 I guess I am very lucky I have a man that loves me very much. He is either the 'EX' or the 'HUSBAND' I am beginning to think I don't know which one is which anymore lol Link to comment
Clio Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 At the end of the day, chances are that you will reap what you sow. Your choice. Over and out. Link to comment
vesper Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 At the end of the day, chances are that you will reap what you sow. Your choice. Over and out. I didn't want the ex back. He told me clearly that he did not love me in 'that' way. Here we are now 20 years later trying to figure this out. I want to know what is going on here just as much as everybody else does. Do you think my ex has suffered the way I have because of him? Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Ok, It's the truth, I never got over my ex but this marriage was a way for me to move on. Now that he has re-appeared what am I supposed to do??? I already broke up with my first husband for him and we never got back together ....and now I have to do it again just to be left standing at the curb? I really don't know if I can suffer through another divorce and rejection by ex all over again. I mean he seems happy and content with his life, why would I have to dischuffle all of that that he has???? HELP ME GET MY EX BACK! Wow .... this is one HOT mess! How is getting married a way of moving on? You're suppose to move on first before you are even in a position to start a new relationship let alone get married! What are you supposed to do? Well, there isn't really an answer to that because, ordinarily, people don't get themselves in this type of situation. All that can be said is you should never have got married in the first place. Anyway I don't see that your ex has re-appeared, you just happened to gave seen him somewhere. It didn't take much or very long for your head to get turned. So it seems you had an affair with this guy and left your first husband for him and now you want to conspire with us on basically how to cheat on your new husband with him. Why, oh why did you ever get married. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 You.... don't want your ex back? But you type a sentence in all caps saying HELP ME GET MY EX BACK! My goodness. Your husband is going to end up finding out and leaving you and you'll be left alone. Again. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Why is a 55 year old woman a lost cause? Everyone deserves love and to be happy no matter what age. That wasn't what abitbroken meant. Basically, at 55 years old someone should know better and if they don't get how life works now then they never will. Of course everyone deserves to be happy but they generally go about it in a way that doesn't involve hurting others unnecessarily. You don't seem to care who you hurt or cheat on in pursuit of your happiness or what you think would make you happy. Link to comment
MrAK Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Ever feel like you're being trolled? No offense if you're indeed sincere, Vesper. Link to comment
vesper Posted March 20, 2017 Author Share Posted March 20, 2017 Ever feel like you're being trolled? No offense if you're indeed sincere, Vesper. Please do not accuse me of such things. No offense taken. This is a sincere cry for help Link to comment
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