is he just open minded or actually lgbtq?

[foreverdancer]

okay so let's start things off. don't wanna come off as paranoid but i'm a little too bothered. i'm a 21 y/o girl i've been going out with a 28 y/o guy for the past several days but ummm i have serious doubts about his sexuality. he's supposedly straight. however:

 

1) after i met him i told a friend i fancied him. he replied "oh, i think he might be gay though." now i usually won't believe statements like that but this friend of mine has an ability to read people's behavior, body language, etc very well.

 

2) after he had met my friends he asked me if so-and-so was gay "because he usually can't tell" or something like that.

 

3) one time we were talking about taylor swift (he said that he likes taylor swift) and he mentioned a certain song and said that straightness aside, he finds the guy in the video attractive. he also told me when we were watching a movie that he had a man crush on a certain actor. (he has also mentioned a few crushes on female celebrities though)

 

4) one time a britney spears song (the newest one) played in his car.

 

5) we were talking about his cousin whom i knew and he told me that a gay friend of hers had a crush on him and tried to flirt with him aggressively at a bar.

 

that's not a lot of evidence but here are some facts which may or may not help:

 

- he dresses well but definitely nothing too over the top.

 

- he has progressive political views regarding the lgbtq (and also everything else like abortion). he's also pretty smart, sophisticated, and cultured.

 

- he's in politics and comes from an old political family.

 

- all of his exes are female.

 

- he has went out with a girl my age who goes to the same school as me.

 

- we started hanging out 4 days ago and we've seen each other every day since, with him always messaging immediately after we go out and making plans for the next day. well maybe this might be because he's only in my city for 2-3 days a week at a time. but it's definitely new for me. he messages me all the time on messenger and when we see each other we have good long conversations, to the point where we've already talked a lot about our lives. surprisingly he hasn't tried to really touch me or make a move or anything (honestly expected that to happen quickly given the age and power difference and all).

 

what do you think?? so far i'm starting to like him and he's way different and above the other boys i've dated, but i can't shake off this nagging feeling that he might be, i don't know, gay or bi, or something else. also i tried to state these facts as objectively and with as little personal speculation as possible because i want you to make an opinion based on "raw data" so to speak.

[abitbroken]

I have to say - I would talk about a guy that I fancied and if my overprotective brother did not approve of him, he would say "oh, but he's gay". Are you sure your friend isn't into you and wants you to think this guy is gay, or do you think your friend feels you will leave his social circle if you date this guy or knows something more unsavory about him. btw, guess how many guys my brother said were gay that actually were?? Zero. and one actually TOLD my brother that he had a crush on me!

 

If all of his exes are female, I think that its a safe bet that he just could be straight. He may say the gay guy had a crush on him because its an ego boost or he wanted to get your reaction to it.

 

Brittany songs mean nothing. The Spice Girls concerts usually were equally divided between 9 year old girls and straight men in their 20s and 30s because the latter thought they were hot.

 

he is not making a move because he's a gentleman and has only been hanging out with you a few days. And it wasn't a date - it was a hangout. ANd because he knows your cousin and dated a girl at your school, maybe he wants to get to know you better. Maybe he even doesn't know if YOU are interested.

 

So MAYBE he is gay, but i am not getting any strong evidence from anything you had said, or even that he experiments. Maybe he feels strongly about LGBT rights or something Maybe he's bi but i don't see anything hugely blatant.

[reinventmyself]

You started off with saying that you were `going out' with this man, but further along it sounds like nothing more than a friendship as you describe it as `hanging out' and he hasn't made a romantic gesture towards you.

 

It's hard to tell if you two are actually dating. He might see it differently then you do.

 

Jury is still out on his gender identification. Time will tell. There's no rush, right?

In the meantime manage your expectations and feelings towards him. It is a choice.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like he's just being friendly. All the things you listed have nothing to do with sexual orientation. Are you dating or just hanging out?

we started hanging out 4 days ago and we've seen each other every day since he replied "oh, i think he might be gay though."

[j.man]

- I like Taylor Swift

- I have "Oo La La" by Britney Spears numerous times on my workout playlist so that it plays more often than the others

- I've been hit on by folks who are gay, even a couple friends

- I'm pretty cool with gay people have rights

- Been thought to be gay (albeit mostly due to having gone to gay clubs when friends have asked, not really due to mannerisms)

 

I might have some explaining to do to my ol' lady.

 

In all seriousness, though. Make a move. Gonna be your quickest and easiest bet.

[foreverdancer]

this is all in a dating context btw, not friendship or other stuff. sorry for not making it clear. we weren't friends in the first place and our intentions were to date from the beginning. i didn't highlight that part because i didn't want to draw the attention away from the issue at hand and i thought it was rather inconsequential since that's already a given.

 

I have to say - I would talk about a guy that I fancied and if my overprotective brother did not approve of him, he would say "oh, but he's gay". Are you sure your friend isn't into you and wants you to think this guy is gay, or do you think your friend feels you will leave his social circle if you date this guy or knows something more unsavory about him. btw, guess how many guys my brother said were gay that actually were?? Zero. and one actually TOLD my brother that he had a crush on me!

 

If all of his exes are female, I think that its a safe bet that he just could be straight. He may say the gay guy had a crush on him because its an ego boost or he wanted to get your reaction to it.

 

Brittany songs mean nothing. The Spice Girls concerts usually were equally divided between 9 year old girls and straight men in their 20s and 30s because the latter thought they were hot.

 

he is not making a move because he's a gentleman and has only been hanging out with you a few days. And it wasn't a date - it was a hangout. ANd because he knows your cousin and dated a girl at your school, maybe he wants to get to know you better. Maybe he even doesn't know if YOU are interested.

 

So MAYBE he is gay, but i am not getting any strong evidence from anything you had said, or even that he experiments. Maybe he feels strongly about LGBT rights or something Maybe he's bi but i don't see anything hugely blatant.

 

this friend was also hitting on me but he just wanted to get laid, so i guess that doesn't matter much.

 

You started off with saying that you were `going out' with this man, but further along it sounds like nothing more than a friendship as you describe it as `hanging out' and he hasn't made a romantic gesture towards you.

 

It's hard to tell if you two are actually dating. He might see it differently then you do.

 

Jury is still out on his gender identification. Time will tell. There's no rush, right?

In the meantime manage your expectations and feelings towards him. It is a choice.

 

It sounds like he's just being friendly. All the things you listed have nothing to do with sexual orientation. Are you dating or just hanging out?

 

- I like Taylor Swift

- I have "Oo La La" by Britney Spears numerous times on my workout playlist so that it plays more often than the others

- I've been hit on by folks who are gay, even a couple friends

- I'm pretty cool with gay people have rights

- Been thought to be gay (albeit mostly due to having gone to gay clubs when friends have asked, not really due to mannerisms)

 

I might have some explaining to do to my ol' lady.

 

In all seriousness, though. Make a move. Gonna be your quickest and easiest bet.

 

thank you! this puts some things into perspective.

[abitbroken]

 

this friend was also hitting on me but he just wanted to get laid, so i guess that doesn't matter much.

 

I knew it

[Matt3939]

Urg he knows my move! I watch horrible movies with hot men in them to get the woman I'm with all hot and bothered. It's like a virtual wing man.