Am I ok where I am right now in this break up?

[cami393]

My boyfriend and I just split a few days ago. We always gave each other two tries after one of us wanted a break or to break up. We've been together for a little more than a year. I knew he was stressed. I prayed for him to tell me what was happening in his life. Saturday night, he told me what had been happening. I was so happy. But since Saturday we have broken up. I felt like I didn't have the opportunity to even try and make things better. He did tell me that, once his head clears (which he doesn't know when) he might contact me.

 

I respect that he needs space. I just wanted to help him. I love him. I know he wants to be the man in the relationship and that I'm very independent. My heart hurts because he didn't give me the opportunity to try, yet. I want to give him as much space as possible though. But I'm definitely going to reach out to him. But when? I don't know (his birthday is in May). He said I was the one.

 

We did not have a big fight. We agreed to be friends. I truly believe that he will contact me. However part of me thinks he will never. I'm trying to do the NC challenge for the next 30 days for his benefit. I was always the one to reach out first. After any fight. I have so many urges to talk with him. But I will keep resisting these urges.

 

I feel fine right now. I am not crying anymore. I can always make myself happy. I can "snap out of it" but he can not. He has told me that before. I think he puts too much pressure on himself.

 

The one thing that kills me is that I found him talking with other women on a sex site. I was signing out of his email and I saw these messages. I looked at 2 and closed them all. I'm sure he doesn't know I know about the messages. At the end of the two emails I read, one person always stopped responding. I know there was not physical cheating but I think this constitutes as emotional cheating.

 

I asked him the next morning if he wanted to be in a relationship and he said yes.... but one hour into the conversation (while driving me home) he decided to end this. I knew the answer could have been yes or no, but I got both.

 

I still love him and I think the ball is in his court. I don't want to call him depressed but I don't know why he couldn't lean on me for all his troubles.

[gebaird]

I don't want to call him depressed but I don't know why he couldn't lean on me for all his troubles.

 

"Leaning" on each other is all right once in a while, but not great as a permanent thing -- especially if one partner may have issues with depression. The emotional cheating worries me, as does your overly anxious concern for him. Love is wonderful, but worry isn't love -- especially once the breakup happens.

 

Keep doing the no contact thing and work on healing.