denzelwashing Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 Hi Folks, I've been in a relationship with an amazing guy for the past 1.5 years. He is good-looking, smart, supportive, compassionate, has a great job, has a beautiful/selfless soul, etc. I wasn't immediately drawn to him sexually when we first met, but I began falling in love with him the moment I started getting to know him. He is a wonderful and decent guy who loves me wholly. Needless to say, I'm happy and feel relatively fulfilled in this relationship. The only issue is that I'm not totally physically turned on by him. As I said, he's definitely attractive, but I rarely have the urge to rip his clothes off and take him to bed. Our sex is fulfilling and fairly frequent (2 or 3 times per week), but it isn't super hot "blow my mind" kind of sex. I by no means dislike our sex, it's definitely enjoyable, but I'm not super horny for my boyfriend. I'm making a concerted effort to not let my mind roam, but when it does I rarely fantasize about my boyfriend. I think about tall, chiseled, unattainable-type guys when I pleasure myself, and I "check out" hot guys when I'm out on the street going about my business. Now don't get me wrong, most people would consider my boyfriend more attractive than average, but for some reason I'm not super turned on by him. I am in such a dilemma because I think I really love this guy, and he's the only person I've ever really connected with in a relationship sense. I've been way more attracted to other guys I've been with, but I wouldn't want to spend time with them or date them. I'd like to get feedback from people on how important attraction and sex is in a relationship. I've dated guys who I would dream about having sex with, but would have no interest in fostering a real relationship with. I don't want to end my relationship, but I also don't want to string my man along and then one day realize that I need more in the bedroom. Is it unfair for me to stay in this relationship when there's someone out there who would be itching to rip my man's clothes off every night? Do I deserve a relationship in which I feel 100% satisfied in every aspect? Does such a relationship exist? Are there any experienced people out there who can advise me? Would I be making a grave mistake if I ended this relationship? How important is "blow your mind sex"? Does your partner need to be your perfect type physically in order to foster a long term relationship? Should I want to rip my boyfriends clothes off every time I see him? If I'm satisfied in every aspect of my relationship, but a little under-enthused in the bedroom is that a major issue? Thanks in advance for your input! Sincerely, Torn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vesper Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 I married my soul-mate and best friend. I love him dearly and also we NEVER have sex . There is more to marriage than sex and after 40 , our bodies tend to 'cool down', so you really have to think about the long term effects of your decision. Do not take sex as a deal breaker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denzelwashing Posted March 13, 2017 Author Share Posted March 13, 2017 Thanks for your feedback Vesper! Do you have any tips on how to not let your mind "roam"? Say I am committed to making things work with my guy, how do I suppress my lusting for prototypical hot guys and focus solely on my boyfriend? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tattoobunnie Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 You marry dad-bod. Not the Channing Tatums of the world. This is called reality. Welcome to reality. Honestly, this stems from how you see yourself. Would you say that you're drop-dead gorgeous? Would you be okay if he thought you were just pretty, and not beautiful? Stings, right?! The man you marry and spend your life with will be there with you thick and thin, and brings out the best in you, as you do him. Looks fade, but sense of humor and compassion do not. I find that when people learn to find themselves beautiful, they have a tendency to find great beauty in everyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fun Boater 1 Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 How old are you may I ask? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nutbrownhare Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 "Blow your mind out" sex will get less and less as you get older. Who cares who or what you fantasise about when pleasuring yourself? It's all fantasy. However, what you may find is that as you and your man get more and more familiar with each other, the sex improves exponentially - not just because you feel more relaxed and try new things, but because the trust and being able to be truly "known" will mean that familiar routines get better and better, too. You have the opportunity to work with a relationship that many people can only dream about. Don't let it go for the sake of an illusion which can only fade in time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denzelwashing Posted March 13, 2017 Author Share Posted March 13, 2017 Hi Fun Boater, I'm 25. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vesper Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 Thanks for your feedback Vesper! Do you have any tips on how to not let your mind "roam"? Say I am committed to making things work with my guy, how do I suppress my lusting for prototypical hot guys and focus solely on my boyfriend? Well if you find that you are extremely lustful I would just break up but if you can calm yourself and reap the benefits of a solid relationship than stay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denzelwashing Posted March 13, 2017 Author Share Posted March 13, 2017 Thank you for your input. Very thoughtful. Much appreciated Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 All of this is fairly normal. Crazy like a drug sex is great but you need to consider the whole package and context. Horny and compatible life partner may be different things. Do you have a bad boy thing? Try to spend less time together, text less, make dates more exciting and romantic. Spice things up. Basically, you sound bored. Don't get too complacent and in a rut. It's not like he's asexual or the hunchback of Notre Dame, right? Our sex is fulfilling and fairly frequent (2 or 3 times per week), but it isn't super hot "blow my mind" kind of sex. I by no means dislike our sex, it's definitely enjoyable, but I'm not super horny for my boyfriend. I'm making a concerted effort to not let my mind roam, but when it does I rarely fantasize about my boyfriend. I think about tall, chiseled, unattainable-type guys when I pleasure myself, and I "check out" hot guys when I'm out on the street going about my business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 How old are you may I ask? I was about to ask this very same question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denzelwashing Posted March 13, 2017 Author Share Posted March 13, 2017 Haha, no he's definitely not the hunchback. He's a normal, nice looking guy. Perhaps a bit on the shorter side, but handsome nonetheless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denzelwashing Posted March 13, 2017 Author Share Posted March 13, 2017 25 year old gay male. I am not considering marriage or anything like that in this dilemma. I am just trying to ground myself and ensure that I am not wasting anyone's time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 Lol.....You marry dad-bod. ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billie28 Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 Everyone's mind wanders, even your partners. Perhaps discuss your fantasies with him. It might heat things up a bit in the bedroom ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denzelwashing Posted March 13, 2017 Author Share Posted March 13, 2017 But is it bad that I crave others sexually more than my BF? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 Listen since before adam and eve people find others attractive and always will.But is it bad that I crave others sexually more than my BF? ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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