Does rhe guy i work with have feelings for me?

[loubell2208]

Okay so here goes. Please no judging because I am so so mixed up.

 

I am married to someone I am not particularly happy with and we rushed into marriage after only 1 year of dating and have now been together only 3 years in total. Thats the straightforward part.

 

So, I moved to the middle east 5 months ago and found work in a school. I met and got on with an Arab guy who is very different from me. He is the same age as me. We both get on insanely well and he is gorgeous. He is so easy to have a crush on but I did not worry too much because I thought it would pass. He is a fairly consevative muslim. I am not and am from the west. I like to get drunk and all the other stuff but we get on very well despite our differences. He doesnt believe in sex before marriage and is not a player FYI. Anyway, about a month after i started working there I got my husband a job in the same place and everything was fine. However my friendship continued to develop with this guy and by christmas I was head over heels for him. He also avoided conversating with my husband which i thought was quite telling. I went back to the UK for xmas and he txted me every morning before I woke to see how I was. This sounds crazy but I saw a fortune teller wen i was home and he told me that I would eventually marry this man if i acted on my feelings and he also said that this "arab man is mad about you."

 

The next day I took the bull by the horns and txt him and asked if it was true and he said "of course not you are married." I felt quite rediculous after that. Then the constant txting lessened to the point i feared i had wrecked our relationship. When i cane back to the middle east things took over a month to get "unakward" and i felt like an idiot everytime i spoke to him and was so embarassed fearing i had imagined the whole thing. But after a while we got our closeness back in work and we began having a laugh in work again like before and having lots of private conversations that I know he wasnt having with anyone else. BUT the txting outside of work stopped unless I initiated it. I was just happy that we were great friends in work but i did miss the secret txting, even though it was never flirtatious (well not too much anyway).

 

Back in January I was so in love with him I decided that he might change his feelings for me if i lost weight as i was quite overweight and didnt see how he could physically be attracted to me even though I knew he was very much mentally attracted to me. So here I am 3 months later and I have lost a LOT of weight. I have had lots of friends telling me how amazing and sexy I look except him. In fact he never compliments my appearance but constantly compliments my kind heart and soul etc..

 

So recently here is whats going on. I would really really like some opinions on this as im going mad and starting to feel i might be clutching at straws:

 

He makes spontaneous arrangements to go out with me and or common friends but arranges to meet me at the place 1 hour before everyone else arrives, i think to get some time just me and him. This is once every 2 wks or so

 

 

He always looks right into my eyes when we talk and i melt as he holds eye contact strongly

 

He asks me to help him with tasks that arent my job so i can spend more time in his office

 

He confides in me

 

He says im one of his greatest friends here even though he has many

 

All of his friends hold me in high regard, even ones out if work

 

He drops into my office 2 or 3 times per week to have a chat and its only me and him and we eat our lunch together

 

He teases me about my accent and other stupid stuff

 

He goes out of his way to do be favours out of work

 

He makes silly comments like "oh one day we can go explore africa together"

 

He really scans my face if i change my make up..like he notices more than others

 

A huge smile when i see him flashes on his face

 

This week has been a casual week at work in terms of dress code. I have been wearing skin tight jeans and big heels and all of a sudden its like he cannot speak to me because he goes frozen and doesnt kniw what to say. Its weird and uncomfortable

 

Here are the things that have me doubting:

 

He doesnt initiate chat through messanger anymore and he now takes a long time to respond- he does work full time and is studying in the evening. I find this an excuse and its like doesnt want to speak to me because hes too busy. It hurts me that he suddenly doesnt have time for me outside of work

 

He is in a football club with my husband and as of the last 3 weeks ago and is now more friendly with my husband -this bothers me

 

He mentioned he wanted to get in a relationship soon when he leaves his job which he hates. I hate the fact he always goes on about leaving the job as it makes me feel unimportant that he doesnt want to see me each day like i do him

 

He ethically would never try to have a fling with me because of his beliefs and i think the same goes for breaking up a marriage..its a "no go"

 

 

He has never mentioned that he thinks im good looking and even though ive lost a ton if weight he has never mentioned it...just my kind heart and soul. But everyone else says im beautiful and he has never indicated whether he thinks so

 

 

My opinion is that if i were single we would be dating by now. I think he appreciated my frienship from the start and is possibly attracted to me. But I think more than anything he wouldnt allow himself to become involved with a married woman...even though he is emotionally already very involved with me he doesnt realise that i feel the same and that i love him. I cant bare to ask him in case he denies everything as it will destroy me and make my work enviorment impossible and break my heart. I guess im holding on hoping that he will show me wat cards hes holding one day.

 

Please help me. Do you think this is a friendship and that i have embellished this in my head because i find him so attractive? Do you think hes in love with me but cannot do anything because of his beliefs? Am i crazy?

[JaneyR]

First of all, I think the first step to solve this is to separate from your husband, since you've mentioned you aren't happy with him and that you're in love with your other friend. I just don't think it's right fair to stay in this relationship.

If you do decide it would be the right thing to break up your marriage, maybe then you should just wait and see. Maybe knowing you're single, and if he does have feelings for you, he will act upon them. Because for now sounds like he is very respectful and no matter his feelings he won't try anything with you that would be inappropriate since you're married.