Tillielou2 Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 We've been split up a while, although I stayed with him in January on his asking. He then freaked out after he told me that he still has huge feelings for me when he was drunk. He said it's not relevant because he was drunk and our situation is done. Fine. I ask him to leave me alone to get over it. In fact over the phone I plead with him not to contact me again until I message him. He agrees. I started a new job, I cut my hair. I got a tiny tattoo I'd been desperate for, for a while. I was doing well. 15 days later, He sent me a message off a blank Facebook profile, using the nickname I gave him. The message simply says 'you've been quiet. Everything ok? Hope the new job is going well.' I've not replied. I just want him to leave me to get over this. He knows I still have feelings. He knows I will always reply. That's why I asked him not to contact me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 If you blocked him, you wouldn't hear from him. Simple! Why do you allow the drama to continue?????? You're not helpless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 Agree. Deleting and blocking him from all messaging and social media is the best approach. Ignore the message, continue no contact. Don't get strung along for hookups or fwb. Why be his yo-yo when you can heal and move forward and meet new guys? Why did you break up? Excellent you are enjoying your freedom and self improvement plan.We've been split up a while. The message simply says 'you've been quiet. Everything ok? Hope the new job is going well.' I've not replied. I just want him to leave me to get over this. He knows I still have feelings. He knows I will always reply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tillielou2 Posted March 11, 2017 Author Share Posted March 11, 2017 He is blocked. Hence contacting me through a blank Facebook profile using a nickname. He can't get to me any other way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melancholy123 Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 Listen to Hollyj! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 My apologies. Can't you block unknown members? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dahl Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 I still have feelings. I will always reply. I'm not sure your problem is him, OP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tillielou2 Posted March 11, 2017 Author Share Posted March 11, 2017 Agree. Deleting and blocking him from all messaging and social media is the best approach. Ignore the message, continue no contact. Don't get strung along for hookups or fwb. Why be his yo-yo when you can heal and move forward and meet new guys? Why did you break up? Excellent you are enjoying your freedom and self improvement plan. We split because of the distance. He is blocked, hence starting a new Facebook profile to message me off! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tillielou2 Posted March 11, 2017 Author Share Posted March 11, 2017 My apologies. Can't you block unknown members? I'm not sure how to block blank Facebook profiles? He doesn't know I've read the message because it came up as a message request, and I didn't click the accept message. But it's still thrown me off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katrina1980 Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 Why do you allow him control over you like this? No don't ask him to stop contacting you, he can do whatever he wants, if you don't want to talk to him, then stop replying! Stop reacting. That is why he does this, he likes to see you react it gives him an ego boost, a sense of power over you. Just ignore him, eventually he'll get bored and leave you alone. If you keep responding, reacting screaming for him to leave you alone your just feeding his ego, giving him control over your feelings. Stop allowing it, ignore him, its up to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 You can change the settings so you only receive messages from people on your Friends list. That's how mine is set. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mustlovedogs Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 You guys are jumping down her throat unnecessarily. She did everything right. She's blocked him. Message requests mean she has it so friends can only message her. OP, I'm sorry he's bothering you so much. I think your next step is to make your profile basically invisible to anyone who isn't a friend... at least temporarily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 Change your settings as Boltrun suggested. Good luck!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katrina1980 Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 You guys are jumping down her throat unnecessarily. She did everything right. She's blocked him. Message requests mean she has it so friends can only message her. OP, I'm sorry he's bothering you so much. I think your next step is to make your profile basically invisible to anyone who isn't a friend... at least temporarily. I don't mean to give her a hard time but since she admits she still replies to his messages, then no I don't think she is doing everything right. She needs to stop replying and stop reacting. And find ways to block his anonymous FB messages. Have her settings set to friends only or on private. This is within her control, she can't control what he does, but she can control how she reacts to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tillielou2 Posted March 11, 2017 Author Share Posted March 11, 2017 I don't mean to give her a hard time but since she admits she still replies to his messages, then no I don't think she is doing everything right. She needs to stop replying and stop reacting. And find ways to block his anonymous FB messages. Have her settings set to friends only or on private. This is within her control, she can't control what he does, but she can control how she reacts to it. I haven't replied to him in over 2 weeks. I explained to him that I can't speak to him and if he had any respect for me at all, could he leave me alone. Having had severe anxiety and self esteem issues since a teen (I'm now late 30's) I feel awful not replying to messages. These are the things he's aware of. All of my settings are on friends only, but Facebook allow everyone to message everyone, it just comes through as a request rather than a message. I wanted somewhere to vent about my feelings, that's all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 I get message requests. I ignore them because I know they come from someone not on my friends list. You absolutely do not have to respond. Nothing bad will happen to you if you don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mustlovedogs Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 I don't mean to give her a hard time but since she admits she still replies to his messages, then no I don't think she is doing everything right. She needs to stop replying and stop reacting. And find ways to block his anonymous FB messages. Have her settings set to friends only or on private. This is within her control, she can't control what he does, but she can control how she reacts to it. I just looked for about 15 minutes and there's no way that I found to block message requests. To suggest she stops "reacting" is a bit insulting. Tell her to stop having emotions? A reaction is normal and reasonable. As I said, I think the only solution is to make her whole profile uber private. But, generally, I think she's doing everything right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 I haven't replied to him in over 2 weeks. I explained to him that I can't speak to him and if he had any respect for me at all, could he leave me alone. Having had severe anxiety and self esteem issues since a teen (I'm now late 30's) I feel awful not replying to messages. These are the things he's aware of. All of my settings are on friends only, but Facebook allow everyone to message everyone, it just comes through as a request rather than a message. I wanted somewhere to vent about my feelings, that's all. Have you considered staying off of FB. I left years ago, Don't miss it a bit, but that's me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tillielou2 Posted March 11, 2017 Author Share Posted March 11, 2017 I get message requests. I ignore them because I know they come from someone not on my friends list. You absolutely do not have to respond. Nothing bad will happen to you if you don't. I use Facebook to sell bits for my elderly parents. So, I assumed that the message request was from someone enquiring about something. I haven't responded to him this time. It's just churning me up that I haven't. Not because it's my ex, because it's how I feel about not replying to anyone. And before it's suggested, I'm already in counselling for anxiety Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katrina1980 Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 I just looked for about 15 minutes and there's no way that I found to block message requests. To suggest she stops "reacting" is a bit insulting. Tell her to stop having emotions? A reaction is normal and reasonable. As I said, I think the only solution is to make her whole profile uber private. But, generally, I think she's doing everything right. No of course she cannot stop having emotions. What she can stop and what she has control over is how she manages her emotions and how she reacts to her emotions. By continuing to respond to him and react she is allowing her emotions to control her instead of her controlling her emotions. That doesn't mean stop having the emotions or feelings but simply controlling them so as to help HERSELF get over this relationship. It is not up to HiM to help her get over it, it is up to HER. It is her life, not his. He's going to do whatever he wants whatever is to his own benefit, not hers. She needs to do the same for herself. Tillielou, it is your choice. You want to stop the drama and get over him? Then stop responding for good. Do not feel guilty, he knows what's up. My guess is he is just playing with you anyway, he gets off on your reactions, it's an ego boost for him.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 Well, try to remember that he is showing you zero respect by reaching out, when you have moments of anxiety. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrkHrt Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 I don't think you are being completely honest with yourself. Even the heading to your thread 'why can't he leave me alone'? You KNOW why. If you haven't responded to his recent FB message, keep it that way. Block him. If he then creates another account to contact you from, block him again. It's stupidly simple and it seems like you are making it harder for yourself because you still have feelings and haven't completely cut the cord yet. It's perfectly understadable. But if you truly want to move on as you say you do, be honest with yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
90_hour_sleep Posted March 12, 2017 Share Posted March 12, 2017 i had an ex do this for awhile. she'd respect the boundary for a bit...and then she'd creep around. she'd show up at my place every so often...or go out of her way to talk with my friends. stick to your guns. ignore anything in writing. and if he comes by in person...be firm. it's all within your power... eventually they get the hint. and at some point receiving messages can be a bit of a barometer for where you're at with things. at some point you'll feel ambivalent. you sound like you're doing just fine. just need the space in your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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