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What ifs, second chance?


youngwoman

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I hate what happened with my 22-year-old friend. I just liked having someone to hang out with nearby and I didn't have to travel far to see who could spend so much time with me like that. He didn't even have to date me. I just liked hanging out with someone who had a lot of the same interests and time as me. His back and forth one day acting like my boyfriend and the next day as just friends was pissing me off also. I don't like the back and forth. If he just wanted to stay friends, he didn't have to do all that cuddly stuff when we were out. I didn't ask him to. I didn't know how to bring up what he wants. Some friends have told me I shouldn't say anything and pretend like nothing happened like he was doing the next day, but when he deleted me without saying anything back to me, I already knew why anyway, so I told him then I'm confused by him.

 

One day he makes out with me hard core (he initiates it), the next day he only wants to hang out with me for an hour as friends only no touching, the third day he deletes me off social media. What's with this hot/cold behavior? He has to know that's driving me crazy inside.

 

I think my life was stressing him also. I'm in a situation where I don't have a car and I have to borrow a family member's car and I always needed to be back by a certain time. I don't mind to be the one driving. He doesn't like driving and said he can't drive. He lives nearby so it was okay for me.

 

I left him a message saying, that's fine if he doesn't want to talk or hang out right now. I just get bored being stuck at home without a car and I hate needing to ask for a car all the time while I'm saving money for one. And not having a car wasn't really an excuse -- we still walked around or did uber, but the car was the only privacy we had to just each other...we didn't do anything in the car, though.

 

Even if he does come back when/if he's older, should I give him another chance? I don't like how I always have to deal with everything on my own and people seem to leave when they can't handle my situation. It shows I can't count on them. I've never left people when they were in difficult situations and I've never stopped being their friends or abandoned them just because their situations were tough or stressful.

 

I'm seriously tired of the fact people always have to create other issues when distance isn't an issue. I don't know how many people would be blessed with a situation where all it took was to drive ten minutes to drive to see the person you are dating/hanging out with but people have to cause other problems.

 

We didn't have to date right now and could still hang out as friends, but the attraction was too much also. Every time we saw each other we wanted to hook up but we didn't have any place to hook up so it made hanging out as friends difficult, lol.

 

I've a feeling he may be back later because I ended up messaging him the last thing saying he's a nice guy, it's just that it was stressing me out not having my own car or my own place, etc, and I could see it stressed him out, too, when I was stressed. And also, I did end up mentioning how his hot/cold one day and the next was confusing me. Does this person deserve a second chance? Would you give this person a second chance when you're in a better situation to see this person? There's more people his age nearby for him to meet, so he can meet someone else easily nearby, but for me this was really a blessing to be able to hang out with someone that I could potentially date near by. Most people I've met online were at least 45 minutes to an hour.

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At 31 years old you should be able to find guys near your age in your area who have a place car and job. Get on a few dating apps and filter for an age group closer to yours and your chances of finding men with jobs, cars and their own place will get better. Why hang out with a kid 10 yrs younger than you who only wants to be fwb?

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At 31 years old you should be able to find guys near your age in your area who have a place car and job. Get on a few dating apps and filter for an age group closer to yours and your chances of finding men with jobs, cars and their own place will get better. Why hang out with a kid 10 yrs younger than you who only wants to be fwb?

 

Because the older guys I've met just wanted sex also and I figured if they're going to act 22 may as well talk to a 22 yo who looks better, also.

 

I've always wanted to talk to older man also but they move way faster than me and they want to date the same exact day they meet me when I want to get to know a person first.

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If you want to date guys in their early 20s, expect college students, guys who still live with their parents or in frat houses or don't have cars or have well paying jobs. But then you can't complain about their limitations or lack of maturity, right?

 

What makes you think guys in their 30s want more sex than guys in their early 20s? What's wrong with a guy who has a car a place and a job, since that was the problem with the 22 y/o?

 

Seems because even though you are 31, live at home, don't drive you are therefore are less intimidated by and have more in common with guys in their early 20s?

I figured if they're going to act 22 may as well talk to a 22 yo who looks better, also.
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I think it's pretty normal for a 22 year old not to know what they want. But you are an adult. Why do you let him treat you that way? If you want to just be friends STOP making out with him. If you want a relationship TELL HIM. My guess is that he doesn't want a relationship or even a friendship, he wants easy attention with no commitment.

 

You are dragging yourself through drama when it's clear you won't get what you want out of him. He's not a good friend. He's not interested in dating you. You might enjoy hanging out with him but in the long run you are just hurting yourself. Why not redirect that energy towards someone who is ready and willing to be in a relationship with you. Friendship or otherwise.

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I thought you had a lot of money and that is why you were spending so much on meals? Why aren't you saving money for a place of your own?

 

I don't understand why you would want to date a 22 year old. He's a kid. If you properly sussed men out, you would not end up with such creeps.

 

Have you tried sites like harmony and match? Have you tried Meetups? Why create so much drama for yourself?

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