distance and cheating.. what do I do?

[white2000buns]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months. When it started, it was great. I thought we were going to be together for a rather long time. We have 150 miles between us, which we made work by seeing each other once a week and switching off the drive. However, he totaled his car and for the past two months the traveling has been completely on me. After the whole issue with his car he began pulling away from me. I felt him getting distant and I felt like he was cheating. Weeks later I saw a glimpse of some messages on his phone... "I love you so much, I wish I could be with you every day, I could see a future with you" etc. and the messages WERE NOT to me. So he tried to lie for about 30 minutes saying that his basketball team sent the messages (: to which I told him he sounded absolutely pitiful. He begged me to give him another chance. So I did. Things had been great again, they went back to how they originally were, but these last few days he has been distancing himself again. I don't know if he does it because I get mad, which probably just causes him to distance himself more, but he is EXTREMELY passive and I already lack trust. Anytime I try to talk to him about how I feel, he is completely silent. Just completely silent. He says nothing. I don't know if I should just break it off (I really don't want to.. I see things eventually working with him. I know the main issue we have is distance) or if I should distance myself like he does and see what happens.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this happened. How long are you dating? Is there a recent ex or on/off gf locally? It doesn't sound like his goal is to be exclusive, committed or trustworthy.

 

Proceed with caution if he's hot/cold or angry/withdrawn. Try to pull back and observe rather than fix or forgive/forget.

 

If this weren't so sad, that lie is hilarious 2000buns;6770224] "I love you so much, I wish I could be with you every day, I could see a future with you" etc. So he tried to lie for about 30 minutes saying that his basketball team sent the messages

]

[white2000buns]

It was multiple people on his phone (that I gave him 😂😂 who don't even live in this area. I have no idea if there's been any physical contact. We've been dating for about half a year.

 

Trust me. I thought it was hilarious too. The lying is what makes me not trust him, if he would have been up front about it I would have had an easier time forgiving.

[holistic17]

The main issue is not the distance. It's his lying. He isn't invested in this relationship, I'm sorry to say. If he was (and if he was mature enough) then he would respond in some way. Not just give you silence. Stop chasing after him and let him go. He doesn't want to have an awkward conversation with you whereby you'll get upset or emotional, so he's avoiding it altogether. Take back power and leave. Half a year is nothing really. If he's doing this now, how can you possibly expect a happy, strong and trustworthy relationship? It's over from what it looks like. Sorry.

[MissCanuck]

Don't waste your time with him.

 

He's not committed to you and the distance isn't causing him to be a lying tool. It's his lack of investment and lack of respect for you, and his desire for someone else.

 

If he's cheating at just a few months, there really is no future. He's pulling away because he's probably doing it again or getting ready to pull the plug on the relationship himself.

[HeartGoesOn]

Weeks later I saw a glimpse of some messages on his phone... "I love you so much, I wish I could be with you every day, I could see a future with you" etc. and the messages WERE NOT to me.

^

I can't speak for others, and not to sound harsh, but what part of the above is not clear? If nothing else, this explains where you stand as well as what the future holds, (imo).

[reinventmyself]

If he is indeed passive, he's too passive to even end it.

People like this just behave badly hoping you'll eventually get tired of it and leave.