He says he loves me but ...

[NML]

Hello,

I'm new to the forum & just want to vent & hopefully receive some advice.

Some history ... I have been with my boyfriend for the last 3 years. The last year we have become so close, it's been fantastic & we were discussing getting a place together (he has his own but had been pretty much living with me for the last year).

Last weekend I got stupidly drunk with friends & a silly argument between us escalated & I text / called him & said some awful things.

We spoke the next day & I apologised for my dreadful behaviour. I don't know where it came from & we both agree it probably was due to the stress in my job right now.

I've told him how sorry I am, how I didn't mean it, that it was like something took hold of me. I've started making changes at work to try & reduce stress & prevent me losing it again.

My boyfriend says he understands why I may have been so awful & that he forgives me. He also says he still loves me.

However he says although he knows why I did it, it has 'flipped a switch' in him & he doesn't know if we wants 'us' anymore.

We're still speaking each day & he's been over for dinner a couple of times. He says he hopes he'll get the feeling back for me as he still loves me but at the same time doesn't know how long this may take. We had planned on booking a holiday last weekend & he says he still hopes that can happen.

I'm at a loss as to what to do. I love him & feel so angry at myself for being so stupid & hurting him this much.

I do believe he still loves me as he's called / been over to talk stuff through & it's clear he cares.

Am I clinging onto something that's not there or will giving him space help him to remember how good it was between us (something he says he agrees with) & accept I had a moment of madness which he can forgive me for.

Sorry for the rambling post, any suggestions / comments are appreciated.