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my friend is disappointed


misses

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Hello,

 

I need some advice.... I had an arguement with a good friend of mine. She invited me to a birthday party. I said I couldnt come because I promised to visit some relatives in another part of the country. Thats the point: She cant accept this. Why cant I go to my parents place one day before her birthday (it is 5 hours ride), going to her birthday the next day (2hours), stay there overnight and then going home (5 hours). On the next day I have to work again.

 

Last year I asked my former boss if I can go to our business trip overseas one day later only for her 30ies birthday party. So, she set the date on friday instead of saturday, so I can be on the party on friday and go on my 10hours flight the next day. Although I was almost to late for the meeting the next day and was tired due to jet lag it was still fun... Her wedding was shortly after I started my new job and somehow I managed to be there and help her with a couple of things...

 

But now.... I dont know.... She said she is disappointed and sad that I am not willing to go to her birthdsy party because the last times I managed to be there...

Do you think I should go this time again?

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Wow! How ungrateful! I would not go

 

She expects you to blow off your family for her party?

 

You have gone above and beyond - done more than most. Has the 'princess' been as accommodating for you?

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If you have already made a promise to your relatives then you should keep your plans as they are. Did you know her birthday party was going to be around that specific date? Maybe that's what she's upset about if you knew she was planning it then? If you had no inclination of her party or her ideas, then she shouldn't be making you feel guilty. If she's that a good a friend to you, then tell her you'll take her for dinner another day closer to the time?

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She wasnt sure about that weekend ir the next one. My plan was to travel back not later than saturday because I wanted to be the sunday at home as I am starting to work on monday. Thats why she had the idea that instead of going home on saturday I could go to her birthday party. It would be ok but she and my relatives live in differebt parts of the country and I would be more on the road.

I just dont want to compromize my plans as I did for all the big events in her life in the last months. I know this is stupid. I simply dont want to travel a lot of miles every day... Because of her work she is in my town every 3rd/4th month. Last time she could choose when to go and she was here when it was best for her without asking me. Instead I moved some appointments so we could meet.... If she went to my town one week later I would have had more time because I had a few days offf...

 

I had my birthday party two weeks before her wedding and I told her it is ok if she cant make it to my party because of all the stuff she had to do.... Although last year it was real fun I wished I had the chance to decide to go to her party or not instead she insisted she wants me to be there...

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Honestly, it sounds like she gets a kick out of controlling you. You've already gone above and beyond for several major life events for her, she has not returned that favor herself, don't bend on this one. Tell her you keep your word to people when you make plans with them and you wish her a happy birthday, send a gift, then do not reach out or do anything else and let the ungrateful wench come to you.

 

Or get better friends, there's that too.

 

I'm sorry, but this is about her making you jump through hoops. Reasonable normal sane people don't expect someone's entire world to revolve only around them or insist that someone go back on their word or in any way inconvenience themselves just to do what they say.

Tell her no or expect her to forever demand you jump when she snaps her fingers then wonder why you've suddenly found yourself in a toxic relationship where you feel like a doormat. Her request is not reasonable.

 

And such massively selfish people make terrible friends or anything else really.

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There comes a time when you just say no. I did the same thing with one woman. She wanted me to go on a 9 day trip. Usually this sounds like a great thing. No its with a huge family 14 hr days not spending any time alone together. I told her I'd do half. She refused and ended the relationship. There's got to be some compromise.

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It's not up to her to rearrange your travel plans. Tell her you'll go out for dinner when you get back and she'll get her present then.

 

By the way, invitations are not subpoenas. What is the is friend thinking being this presumptuous?

I said I couldnt come because I promised to visit some relatives in another part of the country. She cant accept this. Why cant I go to my parents place one day before her birthday (it is 5 hours ride), going to her birthday the next day (2hours), stay there overnight and then going home (5 hours).
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She wasnt sure about that weekend ir the next one. My plan was to travel back not later than saturday because I wanted to be the sunday at home as I am starting to work on monday. Thats why she had the idea that instead of going home on saturday I could go to her birthday party. It would be ok but she and my relatives live in differebt parts of the country and I would be more on the road.

I just dont want to compromize my plans as I did for all the big events in her life in the last months. I know this is stupid. I simply dont want to travel a lot of miles every day... Because of her work she is in my town every 3rd/4th month. Last time she could choose when to go and she was here when it was best for her without asking me. Instead I moved some appointments so we could meet.... If she went to my town one week later I would have had more time because I had a few days offf...

 

I had my birthday party two weeks before her wedding and I told her it is ok if she cant make it to my party because of all the stuff she had to do.... Although last year it was real fun I wished I had the chance to decide to go to her party or not instead she insisted she wants me to be there...

Why do you allow your life to revolve around this woman? So what if you knew that her birthday was around this time, you had other plans. I'm sorry, but you allow her to walk all over you, and not just in this situation. This is why she treats you like this.

 

I would never make a friend feel guilty or treat them this way. Take her to dinner, if she is not pleased, and complains about you not being at her party, I would end the friendship.

 

We teach others how to treat us! Choose better friends!!!

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I hope that you are not still with that creep you were saying?

 

Misses, there seems to be a patten of people treating you poorly and walking all over you. You need to establish boundaries in your life, and choose better people. You seem to be attracted to selfish, controlling, disrespectful jerks.

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