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Could this be a potential problem?


youngwoman

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I like to go out to eat many times a week to nice restaurants and I'm okay with paying I have the money. I just didn't have anyone to go with and didn't like going by myself most times since people I know don't want to spend that money all the time. So when I finally found a friend who likes the same places and eat the same foods, I was excited. The 22-year-old has been mentioning a lot lately how he doesn't have much money to pay for all this all the time and he only pays when we go to places like Denny. I never expected him to have much, he's 22.

 

I kept telling him, I'm okay with paying but I bet it made him feel bad about himself and he ended up deleting me this weekend.

 

I just don't like going to crappy places. I can't eat crappy food.

 

I also don't have my own place right now so we don't really have any private time to ourselves and always have to hang out in public.

In the past two days I spent like $120 with him.

 

In this corrupt world and with my situation, I get by by pampering myself because no one will pamper myself like I will and thought maybe someone would like to enjoy my time with me.

 

I'm not going to change my habit of going to nice restaurants.

 

I figure I don't have any kids and don't have any major thing and now is the time to go all out on myself and a friend or someone I'm dating.

 

And I have a savings also on top of spending this money at nice restaurants.

 

Is there any way around this or do I have to change this habit? I kept telling him it was okay that I was paying but it was still bothering him a lot.

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Then find friends who can afford the places you like. Don't get into the habit of paying for friends, as it can lead to a situation where you are not valued and used.

 

Are you saving and investing money?

 

Yes. He isn't using me. I'm the one who suggests the nice places. There are no friends that like to eat where I eat all the time. He hasn't asked me for money. And since I invited him out to the nice restaurants, I didn't mind paying. I have the money and enjoy his company.

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It sounds like you need to buy your friends.

 

I was speaking in general terms. YOU SHOULD NOT BE PAYING FOR YOUR FRIENDS, UNLESS DONE OCCASIONALLY! By doing this with anyone - I am not speaking only of this guy - you are showing you do not value yourself, and are subject to be used.

 

Why don't you have friends who can afford to eat the places you like?

 

Do you have money saved and invested???

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It sounds like you need to buy your friends.

 

I was speaking in general terms. YOU SHOULD NOT BE PAYING FOR YOUR FRIENDS, UNLESS DONE OCCASIONALLY! By doing this with anyone - I am not speaking only of this guy - you are showing you do not value yourself, and are subject to be used.

 

Why don't you have friends who can afford to eat the places you like?

 

Do you have money saved and invested???

 

Again, I said I have a savings and I have the money for it in my original post. I'm not buying my friends. He actually wants to hang out with me even when I don't spend anything on him, spending very little money, it's just that we don't have a private place to hang out. He's taken walks with me before and I've spent zero dollars on him then and he still hung out with me.

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Is this a "friend" or a boyfriend? Either way, I'm not sure what your point is?

 

I asked would I have to change my habit of going to nice restaurants all of the time? A friend of mine thinks guys eventually stop talking to me because they figure if they stay with me long term, eventually they will be the ones left with the nice restaurants bill. I never asked guys to pay for me and I don't use guys for nice meals. I can buy nice meals for myself. He would have been a boyfriend...eventually, we were kind of dating.

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Not until you responded to Heart, did I know that you were romantically interested, as you kept on calling him a "friend." We both asked, showing there was confusion. We are not mind readers.

 

We are trying to help you. But, you seem to get defensive. I am wondering why you came here at all!

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If you like nice restaurants, then you need to choose guys that are making more money. Simple.

 

Unfortunately, those guys with money are taken or far away or when I do meet a guy who has the money, he expects me to give him sex at the end of the night if he pays the nice meal. I can eat a nice meal and not have to have sex with anyone if I pay myself. I met a guy before who could keep up with my lifestyle, but when the guy with money paid, he expected me to have sex with him. He's lucky at the time I wanted to have sex otherwise he would have called me one of those girls who just uses guys for nice meals when that's not the case at all. I don't need a guy for nice meals. I haven't been able to find a guy who will pay a nice meal for me and not expect sex.

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Not until you responded to Heart, did I know that you were romantically interested, as you kept on calling him a "friend." We both asked, showing there was confusion. We are not mind readers.

 

We are trying to help you. But, you seem to get defensive. I am wondering why you came here at all!

 

Other people have read my previous posts besides this one so they know and I dislike having to repeat myself when I thought I asked in my original post would I have to change my habit of going to nice restaurants? That was the point of my post.

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Unfortunately, those guys with money are taken or far away or when I do meet a guy who has the money, he expects me to give him sex at the end of the night if he pays the nice meal. I can eat a nice meal and not have to have sex with anyone if I pay myself. I met a guy before who could keep up with my lifestyle, but when the guy with money paid, he expected me to have sex with him. He's lucky at the time I wanted to have sex otherwise he would have called me one of those girls who just uses guys for nice meals when that's not the case at all. I don't need a guy for nice meals. I haven't been able to find a guy who will pay a nice meal for me and not expect sex.

 

Where are you meeting people? It sounds like you choose players and jerks to date. There are plenty of quality men with money, you simply need to suss them out.

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Other people have read my previous posts besides this one so they know and I dislike having to repeat myself when I thought I asked in my original post would I have to change my habit of going to nice restaurants? That was the point of my post.

 

There is more to it than that.

 

it is also not our responsibility to go back and reread your other threads. You sound quite challenging.

 

I'm done. Drop the attitude of entitlement and you may find nicer people.

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Other people have read my previous posts besides this one so they know and I dislike having to repeat myself when I thought I asked in my original post would I have to change my habit of going to nice restaurants? That was the point of my post.

 

You need to cut the sarcasm, and understand that there are thousands of people who are members of this forum. I'm sorry to say that not everyone goes back to read your previous posts.

 

Please be civil to the members who are trying to understand, and help you.

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Where are you meeting people? It sounds like you choose players and jerks to date. There are plenty of quality men with money, you simply need to suss them out.

 

Anywhere and everywhere: online, work, through friends, church. I met a decent guy with money from POF who would always pay for me and volunteer, but after a while when he saw I wouldn't hook up with him, he stopped being my friend and didn't want to get to know me as a friend or more as if he paid for me thinking he'd get something out of it. It always ends the same.

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Anywhere and everywhere: online, work, through friends, church. I met a decent guy with money from POF who would always pay for me and volunteer, but after a while when he saw I wouldn't hook up with him, he stopped being my friend and didn't want to get to know me as a friend or more as if he paid for me thinking he'd get something out of it. It always ends the same.

 

Why were you letting a friend pay for you? If your intent was him as a friend, he shouldn't be paying for you. If the intent was a relationship, it doesn't sound like you made him feel like I was progressing that way.

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FWIW, I volunteer at a number of different types of community service, support and intervention 'clubs' and something that I have found running predominantly throughout the exceedingly varied groups, regardless of meeting place/time of day/meeting structure is that more often than not by a long stretch, members and guests tend to like to go out to eat as a group - and not only to dine, as the majority of these informal groupings linger and play games at the restaurants, cafés and diners, such as Scrabble, Boggle and modest card endeavors, hearts and rummy and the like.

 

They are fun and engaging outings from what I've seen and from what I gather from others. They seem to be amenable to a wide range of options and styles for the food and the atmosphere. I'm sure some people go primarily for the food, whereas other's focus is equally devoted to hanging out together and impromptu board game tournaments or bridge challenges.

 

Would something that involved more than one on one dining appeal? If so, maybe you can find some inroads with these sorts of group. By and large, they are, in my personal experience, particularly good and genuine company.

 

Good luck.

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FWIW, I volunteer at a number of different types of community service, support and intervention 'clubs' and something that I have found running predominantly throughout the exceedingly varied groups, regardless of meeting place/time of day/meeting structure is that more often than not by a long stretch, members and guests tend to like to go out to eat as a group - and not only to dine, as the majority of these informal groupings linger and play games at the restaurants, cafés and diners, such as Scrabble, Boggle and modest card endeavors, hearts and rummy and the like.

 

They are fun and engaging outings from what I've seen and from what I gather from others. They seem to be amenable to a wide range of options and styles for the food and the atmosphere. I'm sure some people go primarily for the food, whereas other's focus is equally devoted to hanging out together and impromptu board game tournaments or bridge challenges.

 

Would something that involved more than one on one dining appeal? If so, maybe you can find some inroads with these sorts of group. By and large, they are, in my personal experience, particularly good and genuine company.

 

Good luck.

 

Thanks. I like to eat sushi and bubble tea but only a handful of people I know like to eat/drink that so it's hard to try to get a group going. I only end up going with one other person if that.

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Thanks. I like to eat sushi and bubble tea but only a handful of people I know like to eat/drink that so it's hard to try to get a group going. I only end up going with one other person if that.

 

have you looked into food Meetups? You will meet more people, and find others, who are passionate about food.

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have you looked into food Meetups? You will make more friends, and find people who are passionate about food.

 

Good looking out, Hollyj - OP, that site might really be the ticket for you. I'm absolutely positive they have interest groups centered around both of your foods of choice.

 

Good luck.

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