jelly Posted March 11, 2017 Share Posted March 11, 2017 I met my partner last summer and everything went so well that we actually moved in together (plus his best friend, too) at the beginning of this month. Around December he was having some difficulties in determining how he felt about me romantically, but the platonic and sensual side of our relationship was strong as ever. Basically for an entire month we didn't have sex and he was extremely distant. Every time I'd try to see what was wrong he'd assure me that he was fine. However, literally the first night together in the apartment we had a conversation and he told me what was going on. Concerning the sex, he said that sex to him was about satisfying a need and that it was basically about just using someone else's body for pleasure and that he felt guilty when we'd have sex because he didn't want to treat me like that (I assured him that he doesn't objectify me during sex and that I pretty much view it the same way). Sex is about pleasure for me and I 100% use his body, and I don't care if that's how he wants to use mine. It's not like the rest of our relationship is about using the other person. We agreed that because we get on so well, that we should still live together (we signed a 12 month lease) and that we should just do whatever felt right and drop some of the obligations of a relationship. After that conversation things actually didn't change a whole lot (still spend time with him and his mom, go places together, hold hands and be very "significant other"ly). Blah blah blah, and then last night, 10 days after our conversation, we had planned on having sex and he pretty much blew it off---I'm a very sexual person and so even though I don't need sex to be happy with him, I still feel extremely bummed out when it doesn't happen and all the childish insecurities I have surface. I started to feel insecure all over again and we had yet another conversation... This time he told me that his sex drive wasn't high, and that he was tired a lot more than he wanted to be. He even said that he wasn't masturbating anymore. He told me that the last girl he was with, that they had so much sex that he lost almost all of his hobbies and "suffered" from being obsessed over it to the point that he was currently trying to not be like that anymore. And then he suggested something that kind of threw me for a loop.... he suggested that I have sex with his best friend (who is currently living with us!). And.. that made me feel even more insecure because if he was suggesting that, was he suggesting that he wouldn't be upset about me being with someone else? I asked him, and he said that he wasn't sure how jealous he'd be, but that he'd "work on" not being jealous, if he could. But I don't want to have sex with someone else, and I know for damn sure that if he was with another woman, that I'd be incredibly upset about it. When I said "no" he seemed satisfied with my answer. (I talked to a friend about this and she thought that he was testing me, and normally I'd agree, but my boyfriend and I are always honest and transparent about our thoughts. He's even explicitly told me that he doesn't like that sort of stuff). We continued to talk and after about 20 minutes he suddenly turned on and we had sex. This wasn't the first time that a long conversation has led us to a sexual situation. But regardless, I have no idea what's going on. He says that he doesn't feel the same romantic attraction for me as the beginning, but then continues to do everything we have been doing, and still refers to me as his significant other. He's never corrected anyone when they introduce me as his girlfriend. He sleeps in my bed and we share a closet. Refers to me as "sweetheart" or "darling". We're always kissing or hugging or holding hands. Before we fall asleep he'll say that I'm "wonderful". He said he had barely any sex drive but then during a conversation easily plucks up the energy to have vigorous sex ??? What's going on? I begged him to just be honest with me and he insists that he's not seeing someone else and that I didn't do anything wrong. I really hate to think that he's trying to pass me on to someone else. I asked why specifically his best friend and he told me that if i was going to sleep with someone else, that he wanted it to be someone he knew and trusted. It's true that I am happy with lots of sex but the reason I feel upset isn't because I'm not having sex, but because he doesn't seem to want it with me. And then, of course, he said that he finds me attractive and that it has nothing to do with me. What is it? Link to comment
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