Heed the warning signs.

[mike7788]

I tend to try to give advice out as much as possible but don't heed my own or others' advice very well.

 

 

I've tried to be friends with a girl i'm deeply interested in.

 

It started off more than friends but then she "wasn't ready" and told me that she couldn't do it right now.

 

I told myself i'll keep hanging out with her and see if I can change her mind, somehow, and it hasn't gone well.

 

It's left me in a deeper state of rejection and self-pity after every time we hangout.

 

Do yourself a favor, and even if it's part of a mutual group, let yourself heal and become indifferent before trying to be anything to them.

 

It hurts, and would hurt a lot less if I had just done myself a favor and stepped away a few weeks back.

 

Take care of yourself before anyone else.

[Matt3939]

I'm sorry you are going thru this. Unfortunately our heart wants what it wants. We would all be a lot better off if there were rules and we listened to our minds or outside influences.

[Hollyj]

You know the answer. Stop putting yourself in harm's way.

[Wiseman2]

Good point. Not only is the friendzone a rotten place to be, it's counterproductive buzzing around there wishing and hoping while she gets bored, more uninterested and starts seeing other guys as more interesting.

[browneyedgirl36]

I my younger days, I did this a lot -- hanging around waiting for a particular guy to see how awesome I was and want to be with me. It NEVER worked. A particular one from my high school years comes to mind. He never did like me "that way" (even though he did like me as a friend), and because we were part of the same group of friends who all hung out a few days a week after school, I had to see him choose not one, but TWO other girls to date (at different times) who weren't me. Both were loaded with drama/problems -- one even started hitting him while he was driving them somewhere, and he had to pull over to avoid getting in an accident! (And the police came, too -- he was lucky he didn't get in trouble). Of course, he called me to tell me about this -- because I was his "friend" -- ugh! The other girl was similarly dramatic, and the relationship didn't last, but I could never understand why he kept picking these mean-girls-with-issues instead of nice, stable, normal, happy me, and it really tore me up inside. For a LONG time, I saw myself as the "friend girl" -- all the guys wanted to be my friend, but they didn't want to date me.

 

What I learned is that I was acting in a way that suggested that being "just a friend" was OK with me. I would listen to their problems, do nice things for them, help them with things, just "be there" if they needed me -- and they took me for granted. I became almost a doormat -- good ol' reliable Browneyedgirl36 -- and I was wasting my time. It wasn't until I was MUCH older that I realized my pattern and rectified it, though I did have a "relapse" with my last ex and kept trying to be his friend (impossible for me, BTW -- I had to finally give up). Now, the only guys I am friends with are guys I actually WANT to be friends with -- no guys I want to date. My now-fiancee was never a "friend" -- he was a complete stranger introduced to me by a mutual friend, and he immediately saw my good qualities -- and I his -- and we hit it off. No trying to impress or convince anyone that they should be we me. That's how it should be -- it's refreshing!

[browneyedgirl36]

Good point. Not only is the friendzone a rotten pace to be, it's counterproductive buzzing around there wishing and hoping while she gets bored, more uninterested and starts seeing other guys as more interesting.

 

Exactly -- this was my life in high school and throughout part of college as well. Ugh -- all the time I wasted on guys who weren't interested!