Havok20 Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 I think this hurts me the most to look back and know the only person to blame is myself. Five years with the best girl I could ever ask for pushed away by the person that should have held and loved her to death. She came to me about 4 months after my old relationship (Which I didn't fully heal from nor learn what I should have from that one) and we hit it off very well, we both had baggage from previous relationships, but mine was far greater. The first date I called her fat, romantic guy I know and very shallow at the time, I was so immature. I flirted with a girl on the phone and she caught me, she accepted my apology and I deleted every girl from my Facebook for her. I was hung up on my ex for about 3 years into the relationship. Half way though into my newests ex's relationship it actually was nice, I was attentitive, held her, loved her, bought things for her and her family for holidays and would drop everything to just be with her. Then it started changing about another year after, around year 4. I started getting comfortable and took everything for granted. This girl spent thousands of dollars on me and loved me no matter what, and I took advantage and I feel like pure filth for doing that after evaluating everything and seeking help at this time tir psychological issues due to childhood issues. I love this woman still more than anything right now and I understand why she broke up with me, it hurts me so much knowing what I did to her after she just wanted the absolute best for me and would have done anything for me. I wasn't the worst to her, but reciprocation was not balanced in the slightest. I lost my best friend and lover to myself, how do you even get over that pain?
kleptoz28 Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 I was hung up on my ex for about 3 years into the relationship. This really sticks out to me. How are you hung up on an ex 3 years into a new relationship? That relationship maybe should have been ended sooner if that was the case?
Viceroy Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Forgiving yourself can be a long road, it sounds like you understand why she left you and you completely agree it was the right move. Have you told her that? Keeping a journal might be a good idea for you, it will help you organize your thoughts and feelings. I think the big lesson here is for you not to date anyone until you're over your previous relationship, you've seen the damage it does. Going forward, what can you do? You need to do things, not say things. Find a way to measure your progress and work on healing. Maybe in a couple of months you can patch things up, I would focus now on healing and working on becoming a better person. Understand that perceptions are hard to change, your behavior has given her a very negative perception of yourself, it may never change. You can make up for it in the next relationship.
Havok20 Posted March 9, 2017 Author Posted March 9, 2017 Everytime I think on all this I feel physically ill and like dying that I treated someone like that who loved me. I seriously have no idea how anyone let alone myself could forgive what I have done.
Hollyj Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 It's so funny how everyone always recognizes how crummy they treated their partner, after their gone. Hmmmm. I suggest that you not date, until you are over this one. Don't treat someone else like this.
Hollyj Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 "Really, 5 years together and me getting therapy to work on my issues to help the relationship with her in mind, to have her say that and think it was justifiable all while telling me to wait and we could probably work things out to just give her space." She put up with years of your crap, and you believe this! She is supposed to wait around, hoping that you will treat her as a loving partner. She made the right decision.
Wiseman2 Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Try not to think of this as the one who got away but rather, the one who wasn't right for me. Agree, this was doomed from the start if this was the case 20;6768917] I was hung up on my ex for about 3 years into the relationship.
Havok20 Posted March 9, 2017 Author Posted March 9, 2017 "Really, 5 years together and me getting therapy to work on my issues to help the relationship with her in mind, to have her say that and think it was justifiable all while telling me to wait and we could probably work things out to just give her space." She put up with years of your crap, and you believe this! She is supposed to wait around, hoping that you will treat her as a loving partner. She made the right decision. *Sigh* I know. I wish I got help and realized this stuff way sooner.
Viceroy Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Wow! I thought this forum was for people seeking advice, no need to be so candid Hollyj. He made a mistake, he knows. He can improve himself in the future, no need to besmirch the guy.
kleptoz28 Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Best advice is to work on yourself, so you can be ready to put forth the effort into a proper next start for relationship with someone new. Don't jump into another one until you're over this.
Hollyj Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Wow! I thought this forum was for people seeking advice, no need to be so candid Hollyj. He made a mistake, he knows. He can improve himself in the future, no need to besmirch the guy. Sorry, but I spoke the truth. That was tame, compared to some of my responses. I do hope that he does not put another girl through this, as it would be quite selfish - many people repeat patterns, over and over.
Havok20 Posted March 9, 2017 Author Posted March 9, 2017 Sorry, but I spoke the truth. That was tame, compared to some of my responses. I do hope that he does not put another girl through this, as it would be quite selfish - many people repeat patterns, over and over. I am at a psychologist and adamantly working on it. I know what I have done and trust me it hurts terribly, you are right, but being better is what I am striving for.
Hollyj Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 I am at a psychologist and adamantly working on it. I know what I have done and trust me it hurts terribly, you are right, but being better is what I am striving for. I think that that is terrific! I wish you the best!!!!!
Havok20 Posted March 9, 2017 Author Posted March 9, 2017 I think that that is terrific! I wish you the best!!!!! I was young and have had a very toxic upbringing, it has caused me many issues and unfortunately ruined a relationship that meant the world to me, this stops now.
Wiseman2 Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 How long ago was this first date?I am at a psychologist The first date I called her fat, romantic guy I know and very shallow at the time
Havok20 Posted March 9, 2017 Author Posted March 9, 2017 How long ago was this first date? Almost 6 years ago.
GeekLover Posted March 12, 2017 Posted March 12, 2017 I was hung up on my ex for about 3 years into the relationship. Yes. This part really sticks out to me as well. It's no wonder you weren't able to give your entire self to your new girlfriend. I'm actually surprised you were able to carry on this relationship for as long as you were, knowing you still had feelings for someone else. I'm assuming you went into it as a rebound (whether you knew it or not)? How do you feel about the ex-ex now? I agree with others - don't enter a new serious relationship until you are emotionally available to give it a real shot.
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