ironman1234 Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Hey guys, so my ex and I broke up about 6 months ago. We ended on good terms and neither one of us was upset with the other. At the time we were just different and it wasn't a good time for either one of us. So I continued to live life, go to school, that kind of thing. About a month ago, we started texting again and then recently we've been hanging out together just the two of us. I took her to a movie last night and I held her hand and after the movie we made out in my car and we agreed that it was something we'd been waiting for for a long time. However the very next day she seemed a little distant over text and I was somewhat worried. She canceled our plans to hang out for that day and seemed somewhat cold. Come to find out with through a friend that she's confused on how to feel, and she doesn't know if she's making responsible decisions. Can you all please help? I really love this girl and I was so happy but now I'm feeling confused and somewhat hurt as well. Is there anyway I can clear all of this up for her? Thank you all so much!
Betterwithout Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Is there anyway I can clear all of this up for her? No. It sounds like she has feelings to sort out at the moment, so there is nothing you can do. Be careful how much heart you have invested in her. Go back to what you did last time "continued to live life, go to school"
Wiseman2 Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Did she start seeing someone after you broke up? "she doesn't know if she's making responsible decisions" seems to indicate that Don't ask friends, talk to her directly about "are we back together? where do you want this to go from here?"She canceled our plans to hang out for that day and seemed somewhat cold. Come to find out with through a friend that she's confused on how to feel
Dahl Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 What are you suggesting needs to be cleared up? Your post reads like this girl regrets revisiting your defunct relationship and wants to reinstate the breakup. What am I missing?
Keyman Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Yes, this sudden turn around would suggest another guy, perhaps they broke up recently and communicating with you has helped. Go slowly and don't invest too much. Perhaps even get out there and start dating other people as well.
ParisPaulette Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Yes, you back off, tell her you respect her and her decisions whatever they may be. And you leave her alone and let her come to you. She will sort her own feelings out one way or another and trying to "fix it" by getting in front of her and demanding she do what you want, will only drive her away. And confirm that her feelings about whether this was the right thing to do or not will now be even firmer. So give her time, respect her, realize it's not all about you and she has a right to cool things down and think about it for a bit. And you accept whatever her choices are, because they are her choices. But just letting her have some space, while taking some space yourself, is the best way. It's also the one that requires patience and respect, two qualities you need to hone now not just for her, but for you and your future. It also sends a clear signal that you do think about them as well as your own feelings, and makes it safe for her to come to you if she's going to do that. If she doesn't then she never was and again, this was never going to work one way or another. Give her time, give yourself time. It will sort itself out.
katrina1980 Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Hey guys, so my ex and I broke up about 6 months ago. We ended on good terms and neither one of us was upset with the other. At the time we were just different and it wasn't a good time for either one of us. So I continued to live life, go to school, that kind of thing. About a month ago, we started texting again and then recently we've been hanging out together just the two of us. I took her to a movie last night and I held her hand and after the movie we made out in my car and we agreed that it was something we'd been waiting for for a long time. However the very next day she seemed a little distant over text and I was somewhat worried. She canceled our plans to hang out for that day and seemed somewhat cold. Come to find out with through a friend that she's confused on how to feel, and she doesn't know if she's making responsible decisions. Can you all please help? I really love this girl and I was so happy but now I'm feeling confused and somewhat hurt as well. Is there anyway I can clear all of this up for her? Thank you all so much! Got some questions before I can answer properly: 1. Who broke up with who, and how do you know she wasn't upset? Just because she didn't voice her upsetness, does not mean she was not upset, or hurt. 2. Did you break up with her? If so, why? 3. Who initiated your reconnect a month ago? Did you text her, or did she text you? What was said, did you discuss why you broke up? Without knowing your answers, she could have feelings for you still, but be scared. Scared to get into it with you again, especially if she was hurt after your break up the first time.
katrina1980 Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Got some questions before I can answer properly: 1. Who broke up with who, and how do you know she wasn't upset? Just because she didn't voice her upsetness, does not mean she was not upset, or hurt. 2. Did you break up with her? If so, why? 3. Who initiated your reconnect a month ago? Did you text her, or did she text you? What was said, did you discuss why you broke up? Without knowing your answers, she could have feelings for you still, but be scared. Scared to get into it with you again, especially if she was hurt after your break up the first time. And she may not fully trust you either. That is my best guess without know all the details pertaining to your previous relationship and your break up.
Jibralta Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Is there anyway I can clear all of this up for her? No. This is something that she needs to sort out for herself. I think you'll be pretty miserable if you wait around.
catfeeder Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 I'd back off and let her figure out her own head. Otherwise, neither of you will be able to trust that she didn't just cave to pressure from you--and that's an eggshell walk I wouldn't want to create. Read my sig.
katrina1980 Posted March 10, 2017 Posted March 10, 2017 I'd back off and let her figure out her own head. Otherwise, neither of you will be able to trust that she didn't just cave to pressure from you--and that's an eggshell walk I wouldn't want to create. Read my sig. Since he hasn't returned to answer my earlier questions, I agree with catfeeder (and others). She could have been thinking even fantasizing about you during the time since you broke up, which many people do, but when she finally got with you again, realized it wasn't there for her anymore, at least not like before. She may not have realized this until after your date. During your date, she was going through motions and following your lead, not even thinking about it. Leave her be, don't chase. If she decides she wants you and wants to start things up again, she will come to you. That is how women are. We can't help ourselves sometimes when we really like a guy. For me, if I am into a guy, and know he is into me, I will text, call, initiate. Within reason of course. I don't play those hard to get games. She could be different I don't know. But if you chase her now you may push her further away.
ironman1234 Posted March 12, 2017 Author Posted March 12, 2017 Hey Prajna, She broke up with me, for the reasons that I stated in my first post. You're right. I can't be for sure that she wasn't upset, she never showed it around me though so I just sorta assumed. 3. She initiated after the Patriots won the Super Bowl. I'm a big Pats fan and she texted and said she saw that they had won and thought of me. I've talked to several mutual friends, and she has a lot going on in her life right now, so maybe she just feels like she can't handle a relationship right now? Or like you said, maybe she's scared to try again because she doesn't want to get hurt a second time.
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