lgracex Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Hi guys, my boyfriend has recently become gym obsessed! He goes 5 or 6 times a week for about 3 hours every time. He has started 'bulking' and pretty much only eats things that contain protein. I am concerned because he is an ex-anorexic and so can very easily get carried away and not know when to stop and also he obviously has pretty bad body dysmorphia (especially as he can't see that he has made any progress or is 'big' when he clearly is). I have told him that I am concerned and that the over muscly look isn't really a look that I like in men but he simply disregarded my comments and said that he is on his way to finally starting to feel a bit more body confident. I really don't know what to do, obviously I don't want to stop him from feeling confident and happy but I am worried and do not enjoy the look or lifestyle. Please help!!!!!
radiance Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 How old is your boyfriend, how long have you been together, and how long as he been going this often?
lgracex Posted March 9, 2017 Author Posted March 9, 2017 We're both 19 and have been together for 18 months. He has been going this often since Christmas.
Wiseman2 Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Has he always been body conscious or a fitness nut? Why don't you start working out and get on a nutrition and fitness plan so you can relate to it as well as feel better about yourself? Unfortunately you can't tell him what to do with his body, when and how much to work out, what to eat, what to look like, etc. Sorry but you have to take it or leave it. You are not his mom or doctor. This is all about you trying to control him for your own tastes and discouraging him from spending time at the gym. Why are you "so worried" are you afraid he'll gain confidence and move on or that he now spends more time in the gym and less with you? He goes 5 or 6 times a week for about 3 hours every time. He has started 'bulking' and pretty much only eats things that contain protein. I have told him that I am concerned and that the over muscly look isn't really a look that I like in men. I am worried and do not enjoy the look or lifestyle.
Betterwithout Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 This is a tough one. If someone is abusing drugs or alcohol it is clearly damaging, but he is looking after his health and gaining confidence. How close are you two in the relationship? Do you think that this is a phase that will die down eventually? Often times this is the case.
lgracex Posted March 9, 2017 Author Posted March 9, 2017 We have been dating for 18 months. He has always been a bit self conscious. I'm worried that he is going to go overboard as he can't even see that he is making progress!
lgracex Posted March 9, 2017 Author Posted March 9, 2017 yes it is! we are very close but he has recently gone to uni which has made our relationship a lot more difficult
Wiseman2 Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 It's none of your business to control someone's body, workouts, eating or looks. Stop. This comes from your insecurities and need for controlling behavior and you need to face that. Admit you see this as a threat to your relationship. You are not the body, eating and muscle police. Stop. You're in the wrong here. Leave him alone. He's a grown man who can make his own decisions on looks, working out, eating etc. Don't like it? Break up.I'm worried that he is going to go overboard as he can't even see that he is making progress!
Betterwithout Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 We have been dating for 18 months. He has always been a bit self conscious. I'm worried that he is going to go overboard as he can't even see that he is making progress! It's nice that you care, but as Wiseman2 points out its really not your affair. If you don't like it and don't reach a compromise then the relationship seems doomed. You can let him know your true feelings and concerns, and end the relationship.
DancingFool Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 If you don't like who your partner is becoming, you acknowledge the incompatibility and part ways nicely. You don't get in their way, you don't discourage them from it and you don't try to control them or tell them that you don't like how they look. You don't like? You end things and move on. Find someone you like. Yes, it's that simple.
nutbrownhare Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Sadly, I suspect you're correct in that he's substituting the gym for an eating disorder - especially if he is oblivious to his own body changes. It's not so much the frequency or intensity, but the compulsive nature of his gym attendance. Whether or not you like the look is irrelevant, really, but is he using the gym as a substitute for genuine emotional connection with you? If so, you need to treat it the way you would any other addiction... there's no way you can change or control him, and you need to ask yourself if you're fine with him being just the way he is. If not, then you need to move on.
Wiseman2 Posted March 9, 2017 Posted March 9, 2017 Perhaps that's why you are afraid of losing him? we are very close but he has recently gone to uni which has made our relationship a lot more difficult ]
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